The Wedding

This is the newly wed couple. Kok Ming's sister and his new brother- in- law. Hmmm... so...i was the bride's maid.







They are Kok Ming's eldest brother and his girl friend.








They are Kok Ming's second brother and sister- in- law. I admire both of them because they are very appreciative and very humble. They always offer help to the family. They are kind and friendly! Steven boy's parents :)








Here we are. Em..We seldom take photos together. We are a bit "Kayu"!







This is his youngest brother and his girl friend. They are still studying :)








These photos are blur because i took from the photo album. I hope that photographer did give a disk to his parents. Then i can keep it for myself. Hmmm... Each couple of the family were required to take a shot. His dad's request. There are more but i only took a few.





The one on the right is Steven and the one on the left is Karen. Hmmm...They are so cute. The girl is boyish and the boy is girlish. hahaha...i really think so.




Hmmm...i like to take care of baby. That day Steven's mum left him with me. They went to the groom's house so left us at home. I played with him, made him milk and water and changed clothes etc. I really enjoyed it. Wan Keen has grown up, i long time did not have this chance to do this. However, when i thought of bringing up children which will take me 24 years at least, i freak out!

I'm so happy to meet them AGAIN !

We departed 3 years ago. We were coursemates and we were group mates. Today they came to Ipoh to help their home kids to find college. Hmmm...That's why Shan called me. Hahaha...He called to ask for the direction to the airport. Guess he does not know that I always "sesat" even in Ipoh itself. I don't know the exact location. Hahaha...

Huh, this reminded me of the yellow tag saying,"Don't follow me, i'm lost too!" Vincent, you still have not got it for me wor. (j/k)


There were 6 of them. Aunt Maria, Uncle Edmund, Uncle Bala, Shan...and a few home kids, 2 gals and 2 guys. By the way, they are from Kulim and they are the person in charged of Sunshine Home- a home for children with broken families.

I met up with them at Ipoh Parade food court. At first i sat with Aunt Maria, uncle Ed, uncle Bala and his son. However i was shooed off to another table where Shan and another boy were sitting. I chatted with Shan. We asked about each other's life and updating each other. The other guy who was sitting with us was very shy. He looked at me but when i looked back at him he turned away and laughed. When i smiled to him he laughed again. hahaha...He was really cute. So i kept disturbing him. He kept laughing. He is only 17 years old. Next year he will be going to KDU to study.

After chatting for almost 1 hour. They were ready to leave. We parked our car at the same level. Some of them wanted to go wash room so the others waited outside. While i was waiting with them, some of the people at the food court gave me strange stares. I know what they were thinking. They wondered why a Chinese gal was in the Indian group. Oh ya, by the way, they are all Indians. Hahaha...When i visited them in Kulim, I got the same kinda stares 3 years ago. I already used to it. I love their company. I like to be friend with them.

I'm so happy to meet them after 3 years. i want to make a trip there to visit them. They are Christians too. I went to their church last time. A Tamil church, right! I was very outstanding of course, i was the only Chinese there! Was i afraid? Not at all! We are from the same family though our skin colour is different.

Shan is a very committed worker at the Home. He is the driver, the tutor, the counsellor, and the admin stuff. He stays with the teenagers and the kids there. His home is in Sungai Petani. He is only 2 years older than me. He does not really have salary. Hopefully their lives will get better after registered as an NGO. I really admire his commitment and the heart for the work. How many young people will be able to do this?!

They said they are planning a trip to somewhere to have a break next year. Aunt Maria said she will count me in. Yeah, i wanna join their outing! I wanna fellowship with them! Frankly, i love them!

I treasure them..Aunt Maria and uncle Ed are not young anymore. I really pray that they will stay well! I'll keep them in my prayer. I know for sure, Shan will not be able to take it if there's anything happen to them. Pray for Shan's family as well. They still have not found the Lord. Pray that through Shan's testimony, they will come to the Lord.

Guys, see y'all next year!

About selfishness

hmm...I was quite depressed last night. There were many factors. The night before i was quite depressed also. The more people i meet, the more i feel disappointed with myself. Hmmm... Weird>> maybe...

I do not want to talk about that matter now.

When we talk about selfishness, it usually refers to people who only care for themselves. People who are not generous. People who are calculative etc.. However, it's not only those that were mentioned above.

Last time, i thought i'm a very generous and other-centered person.

I do not mind spending on people. I do not mind giving my time to people. I do not mind giving help to people even in the middle of the night. I do not mind really. But all these do not mean that I'm not selfish.

My counselor told me that I'm very selfish because i kept thinking that i cannot do this and that, i cannot accept this and that, i do not want this and that to happen to this or that person, I am not good etc.. I am selfish in short.

I couldn't help but to accept the fact. I need to continue to change my heart and mind. With all the experiences that i had, i can see how God is molding me. With all the tests, I can see that he wants me to love as how he Loves. He wants me to practice it instead of being NATO (No Action, Talk Only). He loved those who persecuted Him, he forgave them and still giving them chance to come back to HIM.

Do not really understand what I'm talking about right? Sigh...It's all about my mind kept playing the tape saying,"I cannnnt do it! I'm useless!"

I know in many ways God is speaking to me. In fact i can hear and I'm shivering over what He may ask me to do. Sigh...

Frankly, i do not want him to speak louder. I'm very afraid to experience that once again! Remember my previous post? God spoke so loud to me. "DON'T QUIT!" Scary oh! I can't forget that! Haiz...

No Gentlemen on Earth?

Oh man, I'm so glad it's a brand new day today. Yesterday was a super bad day for me. I had planned to bring Wankeen for movie yesterday afternoon at 3.20p.m. at TGV. But my car broke down once i reached Jusco. The engine shut down by itself when i reached the hump near the wet market. I was blasted by people's horns. I came down from my car. I tried to push it but I was too weak. I went back in.

Then a Malay man came and yelled at me. He asked me to get down to push my car. He helped. But hey, dude, who is gonna control the steering wheel and the hand brake?! Frankly, i appreciated his help but he was dumb. Sorry to say that. I was already confused. He yelled at me and was trying to show how clever he was. Well, he failed. My car nearly hit the fence.

After that a Chinese guy came. He said my car was still blocking people. So he asked me to push it again. Fine, i'll push! He was standing there sucking his cigarette. "Oh wow, what an excellent job you've done dude!" Again, nobody helped me control the steering wheel and hand brake. My car knocked the trolley which was in front of my car. Sigh...

Where are all the gentlemen? I was really frustrated. Wankeen started making noise because she couldn't go for movie. My car was stuck in the middle. I couldn't leave my car to get help because Wankeen was there. Cars behind keep horning. And came that 2 "smart" guys! What the...!!!

Well, It's good that my car was at the side, not blocking anybody. After 5 minutes, came a guard. He asked for my permission to push my car to another corner. Due to the two "GREAT" experiences just now, i intended to get down from my car to push it again. But he said," Jangan bimbang, tak payah turun!" Then he called another guard to help. My role was to control the steering wheel and my brakes. This made me feel better. It convinced me that there are gentlemen or people with courtesy on earth still.

Kok Ming came after the guards pushed my car to that corner. He was there with us when we were waiting for my dad and the mechanic. We waited for more than an hour. I was so tired and moody. The mechanic checked my car. The Alternator was jammed. They towed my car back to the workshop to repair it. *phew*



This is the Alternator. It cost me RM260. Hmmm...













Now my car is back. It's fine now!

Thank God:
1. This did not happen during the trip to Gua Tempurung.
2. Did not happen at night.
3. Another experience with my car.
4. Another test for my patience.

* * * *

You know what? When i was in Kok Ming's car, the radio was playing a song with the lyrics saying "E'verything's gonna be alright!" Though at that moment it did not really comfort me, still this assured me that when we are in difficulties and in need of God's comfort. God will be there. He will use anything that is nearest to you to speak to you! Just that, Are We Listening?!

There was a verse at my hand yesterday:
Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

I was in need of help, i was so worry and i was alone. He was telling me not to worry. He will send help. He DID!!!

Hate Myself !

Last night, we went to uncle William's place to have a so called "Christmas Party" for the youth. Though i'm not a youth anymore, i joined. Hmmm... I was no feeling well. I was having viral fever. I was tired because i did not sleep well. I did not join them in any games. I am really not sociable.

I understand how other people may feel when they asked me to join this and that and i often rejected their invitations. I know because I've my own Sunday School class. I gotta crack my head to help my children to join in some of the games. I understand... I just couldn't help it. I'm really not open. I can talk to people but not when i'm in a group. I'm a quiet observer.

I gotta accept myself. But i felt guilty when i rejected people. I hate myself for not being friendly. I hate myself for not being open. I really do not know how to make it happen. I forced myself very much. You know what's my worry now? I know i should not worry about it. I know I'm thinking too much. But, this is how i'm feeling now.

I wanna play Frisbee. This Saturday, they are gonna play. I hope to join them. I wanna join them. I joined them when they played captain's ball before. I was very disappointed with both myself and the way they played it. I'm afraid they maybe the same again. Sigh...and i'm very afraid that i may cause them to lose the game. See...I'm too free to think about all these nonsense. Sigh... low self- esteem ah!!! Somebody please help boost my esteem up a bit!

Hmmm...tomorrow i planned to go Tesco alone. I was assigned to get brooms and mops for the center. I laughed when i was assigned to do this. I cannot imagine. Wanwai buy brooms and mops wor. I can harly help my mums with house work. Hahaha...

I shall end my day here. So sad. I should seek God now to find my identity again because i'm looking for assurance from human again.

Chirstmas Outreach

Oh man, today i was being teased by many people. They teased me for wearing skirt. *sob* I do wear skirts, why were you guys laughing at me? Hmm...the first person who laughed at me was Chih Yung, then Arthur, then the gals (Sulyn and Yian Yan). Sigh... Arthur said i looked like aunty. Sigh...fine! Vincent also called me aunty! Fine!!! Vincent, i'll remember you ok!!!

Sigh...Christmas Eve, i looked forward for tonight. I was really excited because my family came to church, chih Yung came and Arthur came. Don't know how i became Arthur's mum. hahaha... Frankly, i was like a kid just now..i couldn't help, i must make Arthur feel warmth. That's my job as a host.

Hope he was ok lar just now...