Agree

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success..
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say.... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!  

Recently, a non- Christian friend confronted me.  He disliked me putting God around me.  What he meant was I post about God, I thank God for answering prayer and I mention God all the time.  I do not know what else.  Maybe he felt that I'm not doing what is commanded by God.  If he knows what God's commandments are.  I did not really understand what he meant as he refused to explain more.  Erm... I think basically he felt that I'm a hypocrite? Maybe NATO better describe me.  (NATO= No Action Talk Only).

Hmm... Things that I blogged about are real.  Well, I may have added a lot of my own personal opinions and feelings into the posts.  Sigh... I'm still quite blur of what he was trying to say.  At the same time, I thanked him as he alerted me to draw myself closer to God and to His teaching.  I went through a hard time reflecting on myself.  I'm confused and I really do not know if I'm what he said I am.  

What had happened, happened.  I do not have the power to change history.  I felt sorry.  Sorry because I failed God and I failed my friend.  I do not know how many more friends have I discouraged and disappointed.  I felt bad also because I'm a bad walking testimony.  I know what kinda of a person I am.  Sigh... I did try to control many times.  No one sees, they can only see what I did not do.  Hmm...

Why must I blog about God? It's because God is part of my life.  He is real and He is here in my life.  I am guilty of inviting Him to my life and some times sent Him out of my heart.  That is why I have a lot of ups and downs with Him and about Him.  He is a living God, not a stone.  He speaks, He touches my heart.  He is so real that no one else can take His place.  

One of my friends just accepted Christ.  When I asked her why she did that she said that God is so real, He is really a healer.  This friend experienced a similar childhood like me and something bad happened during her high school.  After she accepted Christ, she said she felt so light.  Her burden was taken away.  I can see that she is more cheerful than before.  

Well, it does not mean that after accepting Christ your life will be like a bed of roses.  NO.  We are forgiven, that's for sure.  But our path will still be bumpy, just that now we have a Father, a Friend and a Savior to rely and to depend on.  The way we handle situations and the way we think will slowly change and we find the purpose to continue to live this life.  Disobedience causes me to have a more miserable life.  It's not because of God, it's because I choose to follow my will instead of His will.    

Father, I'm sorry for the things that I've made, I'm sorry for tarnishing Your name.  Father, continue to refine me and change me.  

Change my heart O God, make it ever true.

Change my heart O God, may I be like You!

More to Come! More to be DONE!

I was looking back at some of the photos that we took in Indonesia.  Tears swelled in my eyes.  I was touched and I think I really miss the trip.  Yeah, again, I'm amazed that I was on the stage in front of 450 youths and kids and I am still amazed that I gave my testimony to the high school students, about 50 of them.  I owed and I'm still owing Wan Li my testimony since last year.  Haha... and I did it in Indonesia.  I acted in church once which was 6-7 years ago but I played a part in a mime and presented in Indonesia.  This is impossible without God's help.  I do not think I'll do all these in my church before the trip.  

 

Well, this is not the end I bet.  I felt that the trip was just a beginning.  A beginning for more great things to happen in Elim as well as to those who went.  For example, last week, I was asked to share on what I'd learned or what impacted me most from the trip.  I prepared it 2 hours before the meeting due to I did not know what else to share and I did not want the people to hear the same thing  over and over again.  Well, I was a bit nervous but this feeling is getting lesser and lesser.  This is indeed a good thing.  

I found out that I was and am still afraid to commit myself to the work of God.  I broke down because of the fear during the Korean outreach.  There was an altar call, Pastor Daniel Kim asked the congregation to come out to the altar if any of us decided to want to serve the church more.  I wanted to get out.  But the fear was holding me so tightly.  I was like glued to the chair.  I broke down.  I kept saying sorry to the Lord.  Sigh... At that moment I felt that I'm so useless and helpless.  

Since the day I found out my fear of committing, I prayed to God to show me the way, to show me where to start.  After a week, my prayer was answered.  I hope I did not get it wrong.  I was asked to take up the story telling during Open Sunday School this Easter Sunday.  Yeah, I have to relate it to the eggs.  I did not know what is it gotta do with egg.  I asked my ex-colleague as she did it before.  However, she had already forgotten the relation of Easter and egg.  So I thought that I do not want to do that part.  I did not approach anyone else for this matter.  On Wednesday, my boss did the sharing during our devotion time.  She mentioned about the relation, I was like..." Ok, God, do you really want to me to relate Your resurrection to the egg?"  I'm still thinking if I should.  Hmm...  Was it just a coincidence or God's prompting?  *shrug*

All the best to me and Mun Yan!  Pray for us.  I'm falling sick soon.  Pray for voice and clear speech if you read this :)  Thanks ya!

The Brief Conclusion

We had our debrief after the trip.  Erm... Yeah, sharing again.  Hmm... We all own a DVD of the trip photos and the clips.  

So... What did I learn from this trip?

1.  I learned that I need Him urgently.

2.  This trip without Him will not be successful.

3.  I learned to let go of self when I try my best to act for Him and speak for Him.  

4.  I am more willing to take up challenges at the moment.  

Erm... yeah, that's a brief one.  Hehe... The most important thing is I'm back in His arms.  My walk with Him is still not very stable.  I am tempted to go against Him and try to own life by myself instead of letting Him to take control. 

I am learning and this learning experience is going to overwhelm me I believe.  It's going to lead to something great if I'm obedience enough.