Nothing is Too Hard

Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You. You show lovingkindness to thousands, and repay the iniquity of the fathers into the bosom of their children after them - the Great, the Mighty God, whose name is the Lord of hosts. You are great in counsel and mighty in work, for your eyes are open to all the ways of the sons of men, to give everyone according to his ways and according to the fruit of his doings. (Jeremiah 32:17-19)

A friend encouraged me saying," If I have decided to go, even if this trip may not be a pleasant or fruitful one, but since I have decided to go, I will trust in the Lord to lead and to help." This is another assurance that I got from a friend. I was thinking to myself,"Yeah, where has my faith gone? Didn't I tell Wan Sian the same thing? Didn't I tell myself not to be terrified no matter what happens? There's always a way out."

NOTHING IS TOO HARD FOR THE LORD. This phrase from the verses above do assure me of that my God can do great and mighty things that is beyond what I can imagine. Suddenly felt like I am the Israelites who experienced tonnes of miracles and mercy from God but yet have no faith. I still complain and terriefied. Hmm... HUMAN??? So tired.

I am blessed to have friends that are praying for my sister all this while. I believe He can turn the world around even if it's just for her. I believe and I hope I won't lose this when the days pass. * Finger Crossed*

Can You Bring Me Home?

This was posted by a friend of mine a couple of days ago. I did not watch it until today as I was really lost and confused. Lately I really find that online and reaaranging my farm at Farm Town helped me escape or be away from the things that are troubling me at least for a few hours. Hmm...

My sister who is working in Singapore but staying in JB has not been well for at least 2 months. We kept in touch especially lately as she was having some real heart breaking problems. Our talk has been well until she felt so hopeless one day and since that day she refused to answer my call and not replying my SMSes too. I was so worried and I am still worrying. Sigh...

I have been seeking advices and opinions from family and friends. And finally I decided to go. However, everytime I came home, my mum would say something to discourage me. She has her point but still I did not have peace. Same thing happened today, I had decided but was turned down by mum. Once again, I seek opinions and advices and I kept asking people to pray for me. I am too anxious till I couldn't focus in prayer. I can only quiet down when I lied on the bed.

**Kian Aun, this maybe what I had pronounced it to happen during that care group sharing. My relationship with God is running low. I am medium low now.

Umm... Today will be the last time for me to be shaken. Both Wan Sian and I have decided and agreed to make a trip there no matter what. Unless there's no bus tickets available anymore. KTM confirmed no more tickets (sobs). I have decided to go and I'm standing firm on my decision this time after watching this short video on Alzimier. Well, my sister doesn't have that but I do not want to regret when something happen to her over there because of lack of support. We are going to show our love to her by our actions. Hmm... Please... I am pleading for prayer. Pray that she will meet me as now she refused to give us her address. And she is giving a lot of excuses for not meeting up. I have a week time. I hope that our earnest prayer will change her heart. Also pray that she can see why we are doing this. Even if this time I do not have a chance to have serious talk with her, I hope that she knows that we are there for her.

Thanks Nick for the video. I wept straight away. So sad. This video reminded me of how we have been taking things and people for granted. It urged me to forgive people and treasure things an people around me. I love all of you SO much. I'm blessed to have you guys. Everyone of you who cross my path.

Sweet Hour of Prayer

I just woke up from my 4 hour of sleep with this song in my mind. So I went to Yputube to look for it. Hmm...

BEWARE

Days before Monday, I have been thinking through if I should really trust her again as our relationship has been well again. I mean the anger in me had been resolved I do not know since when. No matter how, she brought a lot of unhappiness and challenges in to my life. I was once gone mad because of the poor stress management. Stress from her. Sigh...

But now I won't be like before. I will never ever go back to be like that again.

The tonnes of lies and stories that she made up out of no where and the problems that she had created since the day she came to work with us really freak me out and lately something happened again. Though I'm not involved. I'm reminded, especially today, that I should not get too close with her or trust her fully.

I need wisdom to judge what's right and wrong. I need wisdom so that I will not fall into her trap. I really need to be careful. I don't want to get myself hurt. I also bear in mind that as long as I'm doing what is right, she will not have a chance to trap me. Even if she does, the truth will be revealed one day and God will be fair to the innocent.

Well, I should thank her also. The challenges that she placed in my life changed me. The circumstances transformed me to be a stronger and more steady person. This helped me realised that trials will make us smarter and stronger and I truly believe that all things are possible. And the righteous will never ever be defeated by the evil.

Well, there is still minor fear in me. Everything will be fine I bet!!! Hmm...

Long lost song from my phone and my PC!!!

You Are Not Alone

I am not really MJ's fans. But I was and is still attracted to a few of his songs which were related to wolrd peace and children etc. However, tonight when I was having supper out there, this song filled my heart with comfort and assuring me that I am really not alone. That night I really felt so so so lonely till I cried. Sound silly I know. I just don't know why I was feeling so lonely suddenly.

My Happy Diary :)

Last Sunday, I started this Happy Diary with the kids. I'm not sure what really make them happy. They maybe writing because I asked them to write. I asked them to think of three things that make them happy this whole week. I guess three things is not too much for a week though. Anyway, this is one that I find it very true from the kid. He is not standard 5. I bet he knows what he is writing. Haha... And he was being funny too. The 3rd thing that made him happy he wrote "Happy because never got H3N2." He was really trying to be funny. This diary is the most creative one. He drew a few trees there with the letter Y. He's my ex- student's brother. Hehe... My partner and I had listed him in the most creative category.

The objective of writing this happy diary is to promote positive thinking. This is a good reminder and practice for myself too. It helps me to be able to concentrate on happy and motivating things rather than those that cause me a lot of headaches. I hope that all of us will make this a habit so that we can live a healthier life emotionally and then physically.

A song with my "name"

Vincent, long time did not hear you sing :P

Those were the Days

This was one of the boys whom I had taught for 4 years in the Sunday class. How did it happen? I am not sure. Usually we will only teach each group for the most 2 years. Since they were standard 2 I was already their teacher. This group of boys were the most challenging ones for me as I was quite new, lazy and not resourceful during that time. Can you imagine they are now 13 years old. Hmm... I miss those days!

This boys is especially special because he acted like adult when he was standard 3. Every time he entered the classroom, he will sure give me a hand shake and then said "long time no see." I was quite afraid of him during that time because he is too friendly and warmth. He even felt unhappy when I had a hair cut those days.

A few of my friends and I brought them to Kledang Hill one day. We walked together and whenever we took pictures, he will sure stand either next to me or behind me. I was like trying to avoid him. I just did not feel comfortable about it. I told my partner about it and asked her to observed and she agreed with me. Maybe that was his way of showing preference.

They left me at 11 years old. They were promoted to another class. I miss them SO much. I was too used to their noises and their mischievousness. I loved them and I'm still loving them. I really hope that they will remember me.

Updates

I was reminded to update my blog. I had been trying to post but somehow, I was distracted by things around me especially now I've been playing some games on Facebook. Thus whenever I online I will be playing with it. I attempted to blog for 2 days but I just couldn't continue due to the distractions. Haha...

Since I'd asked people to pray for me regarding my colleague and I, I should update those who have been praying for me here. I appreciate the prayers that you guys have uttered. I managed to resolve the anger and dissatisfaction in me, completely I would say. I can now talk to her more than work issues and I can now smile to her and the patience that I long lost is back. I'm not reluctant to go work anymore and I am not hoping to get sick now. Things have been quite smooth for these few weeks.

I am thankful for where I am now. The place that I am working is like another mother to me. A place that taught and is still teaching me a lot of things about life and to accept the unlovely. The daily challenges that I face make me a calmer person when comes to handling problems. This is a place that helped me talk confidently in front of others. I was made more analytical and I learn not to jump into conclusion too fast.

When I think back, I am not regret of my decision of working there. The satisfaction that I get from this job is indescribable. It is more than just a job.

Besides, my studies is going well at the moment as I did not really have much to handle this semester. Next semester I bet I will have more to handle and more to study. I enjoy studying though I may feel stressful when I have to meet datelines. Indeed, work and study is not an easy thing to do. I hope my studies will not affect my performance at work and I do not want it to become something that hinder me from serving Sunday School and other related ministries as well.

Once again, thanks for your prayers and support in many ways. I am good now :) I'm looking forward to the Kidzgames training which is coming soon. I hope it won't clash with my tutorials.

my favorite song from this band

One Day

I Love You!

T.T

I am really emotional tonight. The plan was to continue my report at 8pm. Until now I am still not doing it. My emotion is really disturbed. I thought of the student who passed away a few months which now only I knew. I thought of her mother who passed away last year too... This add on to my emo night...

I feel that I am just so helpless. I have given my best, I have controled myself well enough. I really did. I have been patient enough even if it is over my limit. I swallow whatever that I do not like, whatever words that you used to tarnish me, whateve lies you told to me, whatever noise you make. I took it all. I accepted you as you are. My only request to you is not to create problems. I am really so tired. Can you just let me go. Sigh...

Sigh... Have I not done enough but to get this again and again? Sigh... Are you really learning? My boss called me in today to talk about something. Before she started she reminded me not to lose weight anymore, she said my face is getting thinner and thinner. How not to? I really don't know how not to... Not that I want. Who would want to be ugly?

Sigh... OH God, You know my name, You know my everthing. You know every struggle that I am going through. Please take charge of me, I believe Lord, I believe that You will be there for me. Yes Lord, I need You so much. I really need strength and courage. Lord, help me not to run away, not to pressure myself. You know my heart, You know what I'm thinking. Lord, give me, give me bravery. Lord please take it away! I'm broken. Heal me Lord!!! Keep me under Your wings and hold me tight. I'm feeling so insecure. I'm really so afraid. Take me! T.T

set me free Lord.

Crying Angel vs. Blackshirt Angel

I have been counselling a mother as I got to know about her family situations. She has an 8- year old daughter and a 4- year old autistic daughter.

Her problem with the autistic girl is better as we continuously guiding her. But the her problem with the 8- year old girl is bad. The girl does not really like her younger sister because since she came, all the attention she got from her parents disappeared. She experienced sudden lost of love. She felt that her mum loves her sister more than her. In addition, her mum told her once that she is not her biological daughter. This little girl took it seriously. She went round asking if this is true. She asked her grandparents and other relatives. She also told her friends about this.

I was stunt to know that she told her that because this statement is gonna hurt the girl. Some more the sudden lost of love will assure her that this is true. I encouraged the mother to explain to her daughter because I foresee this will lead to greater problem. After that little girl got to know the her mum is her mum, I guess she is happy and she told her friends that her mum was just joking with her.

This little girl seems to have the habit to write. The reason she write is to express herself. She wrote a letter one day saying,"You will not be able to see me anymore. Even after 100 years you wont be able to see me. I wanna leave now. You don't love me anymore. I love you." At the back of that paper she wrote," Go away, don't talk to me." This is what her mother always says to her. I think she is a talkative girl. A child being a child, she would have a lot of questions to ask. Few weeks before this her mum told me that she found this paper. Yesterday, she brought to me and I read it. I nearly broke down when I saw that little letter. She drew a crying angel in the middle of that paper.

Besides, her mom feels uneasy to hug her. The reason is she thinks that she has grown up so she doesn't need anything like this. I encourage her to start feeding her with loving touch if not as she grows she will seek love out out there. Sigh...

Whenever the mother came to talk to me with teary eyes, I will become like that also. But I control myself. I pity the family. Yeah, frankly they really need "family therapy". I feel for the girl and I understand her feeling. When the closest ones become "strangers", there's no one to turn to, no one to depend on. The feeling of being rejected is too hurtful. I hope I will be able to help her.

This reminded me of myself, I used to call myself Blackshirt Angel. I wrote to pen pals. I wrote to bridges and I wrote to a dead person that I do not know. I did not know God that time. I was a confused and a lost child. ICQ and Chatroom was a place for me to release my sadness but not to people that I know, only strangers. All these passed. Life went on until now. I'm still alive...

Dear girl, you are not alone. There is some ONE up there knows your struggles. He knows everything about you. Even if everyone rejects you or leave you alone, He will be there. I hope that you will find Him. I will be there for you, praying for you too. *Hugs*

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me
Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh