As i was typing the previous post. I really couldn't comprehend why I condemn myself before anybody else could do. I SMS-ed this person, she told me why. She said my self- esteem and self- worth is low.
She asked,"Do you believe God created us to be worthless human beings?"
Of course I don't believe God created us to be worthless. He created us for a purpose. In His time, He will make all things beautiful. He surely will make all things beautiful and complete in His time. I really believe so.
She also mentioned that I'm my worst critic.
I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to. Why i critic myself? I really do not enjoy it. But, dork! I'm doing it! I AM doing it!!!
She also asked me to ask myself by what/whose comparison am I measuring? Frankly, I've difficulty answering this question. I am really having difficulty answering this question. I always feel that other people can always do a better job than me. I remember I attended a Toy Library conference in KL last year. I admired many people, I thought to myself," I can never be like them". I complimented those people to a friend, I remembered what she said. She said,"Why you always think so lowly of yourself? They aren't really good in certain areas." Well, this I don't know. I just saw that they have great courage and talents.
Sigh... She said I have not let go my past. I'm still holding on to something. That something, I guess it's accusation and how other people may think of me. I hate it very much because I was accused badly when I was young. Something happened today. I think it hurt my self- esteem. I trembled.
* * *
I am back. My friend called me. Yeah, indeed this incident turned out to be a good thing. My imagination is too wild. I'm thinking how other people may look at me. I'm answerable to God, not to men, Why should I worry about it? It's not aligned to my mission at all. I remember a sister shared on something and this statement struck me most,"Look at the bigger picture instead of those negative little things." Yeah, I was totally distracted by all this little things. As long as I do not have any bad intention. I'm pure in heart, God will know. And I already tried my best to settle it. There maybe other upcoming problems, well, it's training to achieve my mission and to be a better person. Yeah, it's indeed great to have problems.
I can't control other people and I can't do anything to stop them. But, I can control myself. I must control myself, my emotion and have faith in Him. So, why am I dwelling in this little thing? Oh man, I'm like two person now.
I should stay focus!!! I'm relieved! God's good. He revealed the truth that fast. I just prayed and He answered! God, I love you!!! Really thank God! I no longer sad! Thanks my dear aunt! I thank God for you as well. I can feel your power even over the phone. I do not know how to describe that power. In your presence, I can feel the peace. do not worry guys, she's not my idol. Haha...I'll always turn back to God. She is whom God sent to help me through.
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in or steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:19-21).
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