Human = Ostrich

I bet everyone will have a shell of their own. Our shells is always the comfort zone. We tend to be what our past has shaped us. Some people may not have very tragic past but some people encountered a lot of hurts in the past. Because of the past hurts and experienced, some of us learn to break every shell that they created during their storms but some choose to stay in their shell and never come out again.

As for myself, I am not those who would break the shell that I have created. I'm kinda passive. How did I feel when I was staying in my shell? I can testify that it was not any happier. When I learned to break my shell, there were more pain than staying in the shell. But the after effect was I have joy and my life and attitude changed. If you ask me if I wanna go back to the shell that I used to have again, I would say NO. Well, some times when the situation is so terrible that I'm tempted to give up breaking the shell but to stay in there. It is definitely not an easy task to break the shell and step out from our comfort zone.

Some people keep looking back at their past and hoping that others will understand their past thus understand why they are behaving like now. However, our world is a cruel world. Who cares about your past? Well, I guess in the beginning people will try their best to understand and to give in, but we need to grow. If we are not growing, many people will start to feel fed- up and tend to give up being patient and being understanding. All of us need to move forward. People have no time and energy to stay with us in our past.

I also think that we humans are like ostrich. No matter how high or how low our social status is, no matter how well educated and how out- going we are, there are some parts of our life that we do not want to reveal to others. Ostriches bury their heads into the ground when they are afraid. Some of us do too. On the other hand, some of us, run away, change topic or avoid certain people when the topic of conversation goes across their boundary thinking that we can continue to hide what we want to hide. We are like OSTRICH!!! *I giggle when I am typing this* That means, humans are just as dumb. We forgot that when we hide some parts of us, we are revealing the other parts of us. We are created with intelligence and we have the ability to judge things in an acceptable way. No matter how we hide, some people will still be able to detect what we are trying to hide in their own special way. The thing is, whether they wanna tell us they know what we are hiding from or not.

Hmm... I am an ostrich too! What is the solution? I think continue breaking the shell that we form everyday will be it. I cannot think of any better way right now. By overcoming our passed hurts is the crucial thing to do. I think we need to be humble enough to show our weak parts to others. Maybe we should be proud of the weaknesses that we have especially when we have improved from it. No weakness, how to improve? So let's choose now what we wanna be!

Reflection

OMG!!! Tomorrow is the last of the year 2009!!! I am definitely not welcoming it because when the year starts means I have to start working and studying AGAIN!!! I have not had enough of break yet!

Hmm... Looking back, a lot had happened this year. I can proudly say that this year is a fruitful year. The most memorable and enriched event for me this year is the Ministry Trip to Indonesia. I like travelling a lot but I am most joyous if I can see things that a normal trip cannot see. I had never thought that I will stay with ex-lepers in my whole life and acted on stage in a hall full of talented and gifted people. This was the family that I stayed with. They were so hospitable. I wonder how are they now.

Hmm... Besides the Indonesia trip, I couldn't remember what happened in mid- year. Hmm... I think I'm really getting old. Aha! My mum accepted Christ this year. Hopefully next year will be my dad's turn. Then our whole family can attend Sunday service together. However, I felt that I'm stagnant at work. I really hope that I can get the exchange program to Australia to see what is happening on the other end of the world and hoping to learn much from the people there.

Ah! Now i remember what happened in mid- year. I started studying. It was kinda relaxed and I was so happy because of the compliments from the tutors but it became so taxing especially when I had some other things to do in church and work. I studied until I wanted to vomit. But at the same time I experienced grace. Guess what? I did not have much time to study for the examination, thus I can only spot questions. God is so good and gracious, all the questions were what I studied. My tears nearly rolled down from my eyes at the exam hall. I am also grateful to have my sister to accompany me to the exam hall as I was not very familiar with the road. On the way, she helped me revised too. Hehe...

I typed this since 10pm plus. Now is already 12:26 am. I think these are the things that occupied my year. I am really thankful that I have enough for this year. Though there were struggles and distress at work, relationships and other minor hiccups, see I'm still in one piece, safe and sound. :)

I am not quite welcoming the year to come. There will be tonnes of challenges ahead which I am quite afraid of. But I remember what one of my friends had said before. He said that we should not be afraid anymore when we had tasted so much of God's blessings and grace along the way. Thus, I am holding on to this and I'm reminded not to be like the Israelites. I am sure on and off I will be upset because of something and some people but the most important thing to me is the attitude at the end of the day. Hmm... I am hoping that I will continue to grow to be stronger but not "colder". Oh God, please do not let my heart grow cold.

Speak My Love Language

Jenn's post attracted me. This is maybe the 3rd time I take this quiz. The result is still the same. Yeah, I love spending time with people that I love, usually one on one.

If we understand each other's love language then there will be less problem. Spending time alone with people that I love is very important to me. Even if we are not talking, I still feel good. I'm not only talking about B. G. R. But also friendship. I believe true friends do not need many words but there is still quiet understanding between us. Even if we do not talk when we are together, we won't feel awkward. Have you experienced this?

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	12
Physical Touch:	8
Acts of Service:	4
Words of Affirmation:	4
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Created to Solve Problem

This is a tree along the road to Wan Sian's ex- college- KIY (K. Ibrahim Yaakob). It attracted me because of it's bended trunk. According to my own analysis, it grew like that because the other trees on the higher ground are blocking it from getting sufficient sunlight. Thus, it has no choice but to bend itself to get what it needs to live.

As I was watching other trees around, I noticed that the way every tree grows are different. None of them are exactly the same. They are just like us, humans! Each and very one of them are special in terms of colours, sizes, shapes and the way they grow. If each tree represents each of us, then the way they grow shows our personalities. Look at the tree above, it's such a huge and tall one. It grows towards the sky as it does not have any other things blocking it from getting what it needs in life.

The tree which bended it's trunk to get what it needs to live alerted me that we are created to solve problems. We need to use different methods and approaches to solve a problem, even if it is the same old problem. I know that a tree life is not as complicated as our life but don't forget, God created us with intelligence and wisdom. Thus, we are to think out of the box instead of using the same method and approach to the same issue (or different issues). Our environment changes, people around us change, and the things around us also change. So we need to change too. If we don't change, we will have a lot struggles living in this complicated world.

Do you want to grow towards the sky no matter what or would you prefer to bend your trunk slightly to sustain your life? Are you rigid or flexible? Are you able to change but not losing your identity?

I'm grateful!

This whole week is a very happening week for me. The stay in UKM, Bangi really reminded me of the days I went through in CECE college and USM, Penang. Those were the days that I enjoyed most with my course mates. I'm missing those days and hope that I will have it once more. Study life is always good and simple.

I met a lot of my sister's friends. They are a good bunch and I enjoyed the fellowship we had. One of her friends asked for my opinions on the issue of relationships. She is studying the same course as her partner. They are having an underground relationship as the guy refused to date her openly. I forgot the reason that he put forth. She asked me whether when a guy falls for a girl will usually treats the girl very good. In my opinion, YES! Then she asked if the treatment will change if the guy and the gal start dating. In my opinion, I think there will be some changes but not the love that he has for her.

After that, she started telling me about her stories. This guy had been caring for her very much for almost a year. Thus, they started dating each other few months ago. However, things changed. The guy stopped caring for her and avoided her. When they meet in class, chatting with their course mates, that guy took her as a stranger. She couldn't understand why. Not only that, he kept comparing her with his ex- girl friend and kept saying that she is dumb. They have not been talking for few months until now. That girl gave up the relationship but did not tell him. Lately, he talked to her on messenger and confused her once more. She wondered if she really loved him or he had become a routine to her.

I really couldn't help her much. I just asked her to think properly whether to continue or stop and told her that if they manage to get married she cannot blame anyone because she makes that choice. Yeah, of course, they can divorce after that but I strongly disagree with the idea. No one would like to divorce I bet. Hmm... I gave her examples that I experienced with the parents of my students. I told her the struggles when she does not have support from the husband no matter what and asked her if she can take it when he keeps comparing and doesn't know how to appreciate her. I hope that she will make the right decision.

After chatting with her, I reflected on my relationship. I thank God that he had never scolded me stupid. The only time was he scolded me out of anger. The only problem we have is quality time. Time was the problem and is still the problem though. But I made the choice so I can't blame him. Just hope that we will have more time to be together. I once swore that I will not want a fat guy and will not want a doctor. But God is so funny. Many times, I wanted to quit this relationship but He just won't allow. God insisted that he is the one that I need, at least until now, He still thinks that he is the one I need. Oh well, many would think that I wanted a handsome guy but no. I just did not want a fat guy and a doctor.

I concluded and testified that God will always give what you need instead of what you want. Thus, those who are still seeking for what you want, forget about it and wait for the best thing that God has prepared for you.

I cannot imagine myself being compared with other people. I have been doing this by myself. If my life partner does this too, then I will surely think that even a dog is better than me. I would rather die. How sad! I also cannot stand if my partner often digs the old issues during present argument. Frankly, I'm grateful for what I have now. Many things had happened, good and bad and from bad to worse, those things brought us this far. Many sorries were said, many thanks were said, many forgiveness applied and many tears was shed. These are the spices that spiced us up. Hmm... I really hope that we can keep forgiving each other.

If some one really loves you, he/ she would give you the best and wants you to be happy all the time no matter how sad or hurt he/ she is on the other side of the world. Am I being too idealistic? I guess.

For Tony Leong

Yesterday was raining cats and dogs. One of my good friend came back from Singapore. We decided to visit his grandma together with my sister after work. After visiting his grandma who has Alzheimer, he suddenly thought of buying cheese cake from Deli Garden. So, we both sisters waited in the car for him. I was very in playful mode so I suddenly thought of taking his pictures when he ran out from the shop. So, for safety sake, I locked the door after he ran to the shop. I got ready my camera, once he ran out I snapped.

So I waited.

See? This is it! He ran so quickly to the car. However, I forgot that I had locked the door. He couldn't open so he knocked on the door. As he was knocking, I was think," Idiot, open la!" My sister also did not noticed that the door was locked. At last I realized that. Once he got in, we laughed like hell.

I was trying to snap his wet hair but failed. He was trying to cover my camera lens but he was too late. Before we reached this shop, he said that the rain is not heavy, asked me to go stand there to test. There, after the running in and out of the shop, he finally said that the rain is really heavy. *Noob*

Poor thing, his shirt is all wet! My fault though. Whenever he is around, we will laugh a lot.

Safe journey, dude! :)

Subculture

There are four socialization agents that will influence the process of forming an individual's personalities.

i) Family Influence

ii) School Role

iii) Peers

iv) Mass Media

Under Peers, there are 4 sub- cultures, they are:

i) Entertainment subculture-

This group of people emphasize more on outlook, outing and sports

ii) Academic subculture-

This group of people emphasize more on academic skills. They usually go for academic- oriented activities.

iii) Delinquents-

This is the most rebellious group. They play truancy and often go against the rules in school.

iv) Group that is not aligned to anybody-

This group of people tend to isolate themselves and do not care about what is happening.

Which group do you fall into?

As for me, I think I am the last one. I tend to isolate myself for some reasons and I don't really care about things that are not related to me directly. I do care when I care. Hmm... This became more appealing to me as I reflected on the friends that I have. I am like closed to one person of each group and most of my friends don't really know each other. The closed friends that I have is too random. Some times it is very hard to go out in a group because they don't know each other. Thus, I usually don't go out in a group except for the group of friends that know each other.

Disorder or What?

Lately, I discovered myself having some psychological problem. I don't know how it happens and did it really started. Hmm... I hate the disorder.

Few weeks ago, I came home as usual and wanted to take my dinner as usual, alone, as my parents were out. The dishes were ready on the table covered by the small dish covers. As I was eating, I found the eggs of the fly. I think it's because of the hole of that dish cover is not small enough. I stopped eating as I felt like puking. I told my mum about it and since then they don't cover the dishes with those covers. Instead, they kept it them in the microwave and cupboards.

The stories should end there but it didn't. I kept reflecting upon that incident and it made me stop taking my dinner for a few days or weeks. Whenever I take dinner, the incident would just pop up in my mind that chased away my appetite. I just couldn't enjoy my dinner.

Another thing is, since the day I reached Penang, I had motion sickness. I think it's because of the smell of the car and the unsteady driving skills. Though I was sitting at the co- driver seat, I still got it. That feeling sucks. Until now, I'm still feeling it when I'm in the car especially when I'm not the driver. Worse is, the feeling came when I thought about ship and the winding road. Sigh... I'm wondering why is it so hard to overcome these feelings even after a few days or even weeks.

Can it be due to stress? Or it's my problem? Why is the motion sickness so serious after this trip? Suffering. T.T How should I overcome it?

Coincidence?

Finally, it's time to take a break. It's now 3.12 in the morning. I was trying to study as much as I can. Hmm...

I was chatting with a friend before I started doing my revision. This friend asked if I believe in coincidence or the One in Heaven pre- plans everything. I told him,"No, I don't believe in coincidence." He gave me a scenario like this. "If one day your car break down by the roadside and your friend passes by and stops to lend you a hand. Isn't that a coincidence?"

Still I said it's not a coincidence because at the end of the day I will surely thank God for providing me help. I may have prayed when I'm in such situation or if my friend is a Christian, he/ she may have prayed and asked God to use them in any way. Thus, it's very hard to judge whether it's a coincidence as we do not know the unknown.

Lately I am really stressed out by my studies. Exam is around the corner and I am not well prepared yet. On Wednesday, it was my turn to share something during our weekly devotion time. I struggled so much to pick a topic to share. I had nothing in mind even after I prayed. Until the very last minute, I simply picked one and shared. It wasn't fluent as I did not prepare. I just read from the book. However, my sharing was in lined with what one of my colleagues faced for the past few weeks. Was it a coincidence? I bet it wasn't because there was a real life experience to match with what God wanted to teach us. It wasn't a coincidence as I did pray for a topic. Though I picked it randomly.

Another example that I gave was blog. The authors of blogs will not know if their posts about their lives, interest and problem will impact anyone. Some of them write because of interest and the posts maybe updates for friends and family. However, when someone somewhere starts surfing for something and so happen this person from the other side of the world comes across the blog and it then leaves an impact on that someone or motivated that someone from the other side of the world. How do you explain this? This friend of mine experienced it himself. I bet everything happens for a reason. A reason that no one knows until the puzzle of life is done.

In my life, there is no such thing as coincidence because my everyday is a gift from God. There is this quote says "Today is a gift that's why it is called "PRESENT". The fact that I am able to wake up in the morning is already a miracle, a chance to live my life again, a chance to repent and a chance to contribute. Well, no doubt, it's another chance to make mistake too. Choose your day.

No Special Love?

Here I am one again, escaping from studies to crap here. I couldn't find the answer for one of the questions. THUS...

I have things to crap, my mind is very active especially when I am under stress. It's too active until I troubled troubles then went blur. LOL!

Hmm... I got to know that one of the special adults at my work place kept calling another colleague. They are of different gender. So, something is happening in one of them. This is not the first time that my this special colleague calls up somebody that this colleague shows affections to. I got to know about it from a few of my friends who got the same sort of call from the same person.

Oh well, we are adults. As we grow we will sure fall for some one. When we fall for some one, of course we would like to always get to see that person and also wanna hear that person's voice. This is really SO normal. However, people with special needs are not encourage to have the other half most of the time. *pity them*

This colleague can call that person a few times in a day. The family don't know about this yet. And my boss also don't know about it. Maybe she knows. *shrug* Previously, some of my friends purposely cancelled the call as they did not know what to do. I think this will frighten people who don't understand and may cause them to stay away from adults with learning disabilities.

I talked to this special colleague today. I wanted to stop this colleague to keep calling and misunderstand that they are couple. Hmm... After our talk, and this special one promised not to call again. After this special one left my desk, a thought came to my mind,"this is normal for every grown ups. Even homo- sexual shows affections to their kind. Why not these adults with special needs? It's so hard to control affections. Missing somebody is not something fun. It's painful some times. Am I cruel and am I doing what is right?"

I started feeling sorry for them as they don't have a choice to love but to stop loving. I can comprehend the pain. I really wonder how is this special one gonna pass tonight. Tonight will be a long night I guess. Or may be not, as they are so used to be conditioned. Maybe this special one will be able to handle better than most of us the so called NORMAL ones? Hmm...

It's Christmas Time

The True Meaning Of Christmas

Ahh... It's Christmas time. I just can't wait any longer. Christmas time is a joyful time for me, no matter how I would celebrate it, it'll still be a joyful day for me. It's a meaningful day, a day that hope, love, joy and peace came to the earth. A day that lightened up the world.

At this time of the year, most pubs and discos will have some count down parties. Youngster will go out and have fun together. Most of the time, we celebrate it like how we celebrate New Year.

What is Christmas all about? Watch this...

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them,

Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

LUKE 2:8-14

Here is another video link that will explain clearly to you if you would like to know the true meaning of Christmas. Enjoy!

http://www.christiananswers.net/hope/thehope-c8.html

Live With A Thankful Heart

This morning as I woke up, I wasn't really prepared to go to church to worship. Last night, I spent much of my time changing and editing my blog skin and layout. Then I went back to my studies. I planned to study until very late at night as I do not have much time left. But my body couldn't take it.

Frankly, I found this subject that I'm studying is kinda hard to absorb. I'm currently studying Education Sociology and Philosophy in Malaysia. The module is like a history book to me. I've a lot to remember. I thought that I dislike this subject but in fact I like it much. Just that I dislike the history and so on. Few more days to exam week. Gosh! I'm not ready at all. Have not even started doing the past years questions. This is one of the worries that I'm having. Many times, I tried to run away from studying it and kept myself busy with other things. Like now. :P

Another problem is financial. Sigh... Next semester is coming soon which means I have to pay for the fees soon. It costs me Rm1560. I was kinda worry about it and also about the new house. The renovation is almost complete. Now the house is at furnishing stage. It's about money again. Thus, I woke this morning with all these worries and I was thinking if it's possible to have increment and I was thinking to get part time jobs which is so impossible as I am working and studying. I won't have time for that.

After my shower, I left the worries behind and went to church. I worshiped and I felt like crying. But I just couldn't. Not because I was sad over what I'm worrying about but I think I'm touched to be back in church standing in the midst of all brethren and having peace and strength to sing praises to Him. I am still alive and I am still still blessed with many things.

This thought was strengthened by the message that uncle William shared on the pulpit. He was sharing about his mission trip in Myanmar. Not long ago I went to Indonesia for a mission exposure. Like what uncle William said, we only see poverty in the outskirts. He said that Myanmar is different. They can see poverty right in the center of the city. I couldn't imagine how it is like. According to him, many of the people there are well- educated. Some of them are graduates but they have no choice but to do any jobs that are available there. All because of poverty. This really struck me. Few hours ago, I was thinking about increment. Few hours later I was told that these people are not doing jobs that they are suppose to do and they are not earning much. Graduates, none of the graduates here in Malaysia would want to be a mere book-seller by the roadside. We complain about our jobs, our colleagues, the bad treatment by our bosses and so on. We are not contented at all I bet. I am one of them. The fact that I questioned about charity workers' salary, I am not contented. I claimed that I am not a person who would work for money as I won't be happy when I am just working for money, am I really not bothered by the amount I'm getting? I wonder.

As for students, they complain about their school facilities, school teachers and all. What about the children in Myanmar? Some of them can't even afford to go to schools. Some of them can't even enjoy like how we can over here in Malaysia. Oh well, don't get me wrong. I know we all have different lifestyle and all of us have our own ideal life. It's not wrong at all. Just that I felt that we should not be too demanding in certain aspects of life. We should always be thankful and feel contented with what we have. This attitude will help us be less competitive. When we are less competitive, we would less likely become the slave of money. We will be more joyful as well. At least we do not need to beg for money like the poor children in Myanmar, right?

So, let us be thankful that we are still living comfortably here on earth. Let's remember those who are starving when have so much good food to enjoy; remember the homeless when we are resting peacefully at home; and enjoy our work when some people don't even have a chance to work. We have more than what we need, don't we?

GRACE

Lately, I'm really addicted to listening to this song called GRACE by Laura Story. I love her voice and the lyrics of the song are the voice of my heart. Most of it.

I was touched that He wanted me, when there is somebody else who can do better than me, who are stronger than me, but He chose me. I really don't deserve whatever that I am having right now. Who am I to serve the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords. Who am I? He chose to be patient with me knowing that I will make a lot of mistakes and I will even blame Him for putting me in such a situation. Without all these, I won't grow, I won't come out from my comfort zone. I won't learn anything at all. I'm thankful to have problems and pressure. I'm really thankful. That's when I know that I'm not alone. That's when I know that I'm precious. That's when I know who I really am.

Sunday School Closing 2009

Arghhh!!! I'm missing them like crazy. I miss the time we spent together. The fun, sadness, tantrums and excitement we shared during our practices and during our lessons. This year's preparation and people meant so much to me. I couldn't think of the reasons. But I just felt that this year's closing was so different compared to previous years.

Hmm... These group of kids really pleased me well. Most of them are very helpful in nature. This year we did something different besides learning about the stories in the bible. We learnt about contentment, taking care and helping the special ones, focus on good things and appreciate the people and things around us.

The best thing is not because of we did something different but it's when I saw some of them applying what they had learned into their lives. I'm most blessed to see them doing so. Yes! This is the ultimate objective of teaching them such values. During our lessons, we may have some video- showings at the end of the class. Some videos really touched the soft part of their hearts that their tears swelled in their little eyes. I really thank God for putting things into place for this little ones to learn to be helpful, to be sensitive to others' needs and to be able to accept the special ones in class as well as always ready to help and guide them.

The most touching moment is when they start talking to me about their lives in schools, about their teachers and some gossips. LOL! They made me feel that I'm accepted. This is the most wonderful thing for me.

This year, I started the practice late as I was bogged down by a lot of other things like work and studies. I had three assignments and I was expected to complete them in a month. YES! All three of them. I was quite stressful and my mind was not able to function until the very last minute that I forced myself to quiet down and start thinking about it. Thanks to Mun Yan who gave me an idea. Thus, we started preparing the costumes and all for the kids after the flow of the presentation was done. We started the preparation late too. I was so reluctant to stay back after church and to go back to church on week days to do all the drawings, cuttings and pasting as I have to finish my assignments. To complete one masks took us each an hour.

Thank God that I managed to complete the assignments in time and also the preparations in time. We were blessed with another friend to help us on the last day of the preparation too. See, when God started the idea, He will make all things right. We just need to put in the effort that we should and leave the rest to Him. Guess what? I got all distinctions for my three assignments. This was really a surprised and a great blessing to help me move on. Hmm... I can't help but to say that God will never forsake us when we seek Him first. He will make our path straight as long as we trust and walk with Him.

Maybe this is the reason why this year's Sunday School closing meant so much to me. I experienced the goodness and faithfulness of God.

Mission Accomplished

19th September 2009 was the day I went to Singapore with my sister to visit another sister. We traveled there by bus and it was a superb journey as I got to watch two movies, one with my sister and the other by myself. I managed to watch Inkheart which I had missed when it was up. I won't do this when I'm at home. Hmm...I started to have motion sickness after I had finished the 2nd movie. Thus, I nap.

We reached JB bus station at around 4.30pm. We met my friend there and then we took a cab to the hotel that I had booked earlier. We checked in and sat in the room for a while discussing what to do during that few hours. My sister decided to go Singapore. So off we went. I was reluctant as the sickness made me feel really unwell and I was kind of afraid to travel by bus again.

Before we crossed the river, my friend wanted to bring us to the nice Curry Fish Head for dinner but it was closed. *Sad* I thought that would be something that could help me reduce the feeling of that sickness. We have no choice but to have our dinner at one of the shops in City Square. Hmm... We had something that was kind of similar to Kenny Roger's but it was not really good plus I did not have appetite.

We thought of going to the night safari but we did not make it as the time was so late when we reached Singapore. So, my friend brought us to a few places which are so happening at night. Those places were Marina Bay and Clark Quay. Haha... We were all so full that we did not eat anything nor drink anything there. In addition, the things there are so expensive. Anyway, we enjoyed walking there.

After that, we went back to JB. We stayed a night there. Since the minute I reached there, my friend had not stopped asking me the reason I went there. Hmm... I found it so hard to have to explain to him. Even after I explained to him, he just couldn't comprehend. He kept asking me to call her but I just did not feel like doing so. I told him that I will call her tomorrow.

The next morning I heard somebody was singing worship songs upstairs. We were having our breakfast near the lobby. True enough, that hotel owner is Christian. Haha... I felt so touched to hear those songs. Right then, I received an SMS from my sister. She SMSed me just to ask me to help her to get something from a friend in Ipoh. I called her telling her that I have something to passed to her. She and her boyfriend came to the hotel that we stayed. They were heading to somewhere else. So we did not have serious talk though. We managed to pass her a Chinese bible and the letter that I wrote to her.

They left for their activities and we left to Singapore again. I hope so much to visit the aquarium but the timing was really bad and there were so many people every where. At the end we were bought to the biggest and newest shopping complex- ION. The building is really impressive. I liked one of the shops there called National Geographic. It's so impressive. Then we went to Orchard and Vivocity. Hmm... We walked so much! The next time I go, I know my way already. Thanks to my friend who brought us from one place to another. We had almost visited all the places at red zone. Hmm...

Mission accomplished, at least i got to meet my sister for a short while and managed to convey the message to her and passed her a bible. Yeah!!! And through this trip, I got to know that I have a good friend. He was so patient with us. And also want to thanks those who prayed for me/us before and after I left. Indeed, it wasn't a bad trip at all.

Nothing is Too Hard

Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You. You show lovingkindness to thousands, and repay the iniquity of the fathers into the bosom of their children after them - the Great, the Mighty God, whose name is the Lord of hosts. You are great in counsel and mighty in work, for your eyes are open to all the ways of the sons of men, to give everyone according to his ways and according to the fruit of his doings. (Jeremiah 32:17-19)

A friend encouraged me saying," If I have decided to go, even if this trip may not be a pleasant or fruitful one, but since I have decided to go, I will trust in the Lord to lead and to help." This is another assurance that I got from a friend. I was thinking to myself,"Yeah, where has my faith gone? Didn't I tell Wan Sian the same thing? Didn't I tell myself not to be terrified no matter what happens? There's always a way out."

NOTHING IS TOO HARD FOR THE LORD. This phrase from the verses above do assure me of that my God can do great and mighty things that is beyond what I can imagine. Suddenly felt like I am the Israelites who experienced tonnes of miracles and mercy from God but yet have no faith. I still complain and terriefied. Hmm... HUMAN??? So tired.

I am blessed to have friends that are praying for my sister all this while. I believe He can turn the world around even if it's just for her. I believe and I hope I won't lose this when the days pass. * Finger Crossed*

Can You Bring Me Home?

This was posted by a friend of mine a couple of days ago. I did not watch it until today as I was really lost and confused. Lately I really find that online and reaaranging my farm at Farm Town helped me escape or be away from the things that are troubling me at least for a few hours. Hmm...

My sister who is working in Singapore but staying in JB has not been well for at least 2 months. We kept in touch especially lately as she was having some real heart breaking problems. Our talk has been well until she felt so hopeless one day and since that day she refused to answer my call and not replying my SMSes too. I was so worried and I am still worrying. Sigh...

I have been seeking advices and opinions from family and friends. And finally I decided to go. However, everytime I came home, my mum would say something to discourage me. She has her point but still I did not have peace. Same thing happened today, I had decided but was turned down by mum. Once again, I seek opinions and advices and I kept asking people to pray for me. I am too anxious till I couldn't focus in prayer. I can only quiet down when I lied on the bed.

**Kian Aun, this maybe what I had pronounced it to happen during that care group sharing. My relationship with God is running low. I am medium low now.

Umm... Today will be the last time for me to be shaken. Both Wan Sian and I have decided and agreed to make a trip there no matter what. Unless there's no bus tickets available anymore. KTM confirmed no more tickets (sobs). I have decided to go and I'm standing firm on my decision this time after watching this short video on Alzimier. Well, my sister doesn't have that but I do not want to regret when something happen to her over there because of lack of support. We are going to show our love to her by our actions. Hmm... Please... I am pleading for prayer. Pray that she will meet me as now she refused to give us her address. And she is giving a lot of excuses for not meeting up. I have a week time. I hope that our earnest prayer will change her heart. Also pray that she can see why we are doing this. Even if this time I do not have a chance to have serious talk with her, I hope that she knows that we are there for her.

Thanks Nick for the video. I wept straight away. So sad. This video reminded me of how we have been taking things and people for granted. It urged me to forgive people and treasure things an people around me. I love all of you SO much. I'm blessed to have you guys. Everyone of you who cross my path.

Sweet Hour of Prayer

I just woke up from my 4 hour of sleep with this song in my mind. So I went to Yputube to look for it. Hmm...

BEWARE

Days before Monday, I have been thinking through if I should really trust her again as our relationship has been well again. I mean the anger in me had been resolved I do not know since when. No matter how, she brought a lot of unhappiness and challenges in to my life. I was once gone mad because of the poor stress management. Stress from her. Sigh...

But now I won't be like before. I will never ever go back to be like that again.

The tonnes of lies and stories that she made up out of no where and the problems that she had created since the day she came to work with us really freak me out and lately something happened again. Though I'm not involved. I'm reminded, especially today, that I should not get too close with her or trust her fully.

I need wisdom to judge what's right and wrong. I need wisdom so that I will not fall into her trap. I really need to be careful. I don't want to get myself hurt. I also bear in mind that as long as I'm doing what is right, she will not have a chance to trap me. Even if she does, the truth will be revealed one day and God will be fair to the innocent.

Well, I should thank her also. The challenges that she placed in my life changed me. The circumstances transformed me to be a stronger and more steady person. This helped me realised that trials will make us smarter and stronger and I truly believe that all things are possible. And the righteous will never ever be defeated by the evil.

Well, there is still minor fear in me. Everything will be fine I bet!!! Hmm...

Long lost song from my phone and my PC!!!

You Are Not Alone

I am not really MJ's fans. But I was and is still attracted to a few of his songs which were related to wolrd peace and children etc. However, tonight when I was having supper out there, this song filled my heart with comfort and assuring me that I am really not alone. That night I really felt so so so lonely till I cried. Sound silly I know. I just don't know why I was feeling so lonely suddenly.

My Happy Diary :)

Last Sunday, I started this Happy Diary with the kids. I'm not sure what really make them happy. They maybe writing because I asked them to write. I asked them to think of three things that make them happy this whole week. I guess three things is not too much for a week though. Anyway, this is one that I find it very true from the kid. He is not standard 5. I bet he knows what he is writing. Haha... And he was being funny too. The 3rd thing that made him happy he wrote "Happy because never got H3N2." He was really trying to be funny. This diary is the most creative one. He drew a few trees there with the letter Y. He's my ex- student's brother. Hehe... My partner and I had listed him in the most creative category.

The objective of writing this happy diary is to promote positive thinking. This is a good reminder and practice for myself too. It helps me to be able to concentrate on happy and motivating things rather than those that cause me a lot of headaches. I hope that all of us will make this a habit so that we can live a healthier life emotionally and then physically.

A song with my "name"

Vincent, long time did not hear you sing :P

Those were the Days

This was one of the boys whom I had taught for 4 years in the Sunday class. How did it happen? I am not sure. Usually we will only teach each group for the most 2 years. Since they were standard 2 I was already their teacher. This group of boys were the most challenging ones for me as I was quite new, lazy and not resourceful during that time. Can you imagine they are now 13 years old. Hmm... I miss those days!

This boys is especially special because he acted like adult when he was standard 3. Every time he entered the classroom, he will sure give me a hand shake and then said "long time no see." I was quite afraid of him during that time because he is too friendly and warmth. He even felt unhappy when I had a hair cut those days.

A few of my friends and I brought them to Kledang Hill one day. We walked together and whenever we took pictures, he will sure stand either next to me or behind me. I was like trying to avoid him. I just did not feel comfortable about it. I told my partner about it and asked her to observed and she agreed with me. Maybe that was his way of showing preference.

They left me at 11 years old. They were promoted to another class. I miss them SO much. I was too used to their noises and their mischievousness. I loved them and I'm still loving them. I really hope that they will remember me.

Updates

I was reminded to update my blog. I had been trying to post but somehow, I was distracted by things around me especially now I've been playing some games on Facebook. Thus whenever I online I will be playing with it. I attempted to blog for 2 days but I just couldn't continue due to the distractions. Haha...

Since I'd asked people to pray for me regarding my colleague and I, I should update those who have been praying for me here. I appreciate the prayers that you guys have uttered. I managed to resolve the anger and dissatisfaction in me, completely I would say. I can now talk to her more than work issues and I can now smile to her and the patience that I long lost is back. I'm not reluctant to go work anymore and I am not hoping to get sick now. Things have been quite smooth for these few weeks.

I am thankful for where I am now. The place that I am working is like another mother to me. A place that taught and is still teaching me a lot of things about life and to accept the unlovely. The daily challenges that I face make me a calmer person when comes to handling problems. This is a place that helped me talk confidently in front of others. I was made more analytical and I learn not to jump into conclusion too fast.

When I think back, I am not regret of my decision of working there. The satisfaction that I get from this job is indescribable. It is more than just a job.

Besides, my studies is going well at the moment as I did not really have much to handle this semester. Next semester I bet I will have more to handle and more to study. I enjoy studying though I may feel stressful when I have to meet datelines. Indeed, work and study is not an easy thing to do. I hope my studies will not affect my performance at work and I do not want it to become something that hinder me from serving Sunday School and other related ministries as well.

Once again, thanks for your prayers and support in many ways. I am good now :) I'm looking forward to the Kidzgames training which is coming soon. I hope it won't clash with my tutorials.

my favorite song from this band

One Day

I Love You!

T.T

I am really emotional tonight. The plan was to continue my report at 8pm. Until now I am still not doing it. My emotion is really disturbed. I thought of the student who passed away a few months which now only I knew. I thought of her mother who passed away last year too... This add on to my emo night...

I feel that I am just so helpless. I have given my best, I have controled myself well enough. I really did. I have been patient enough even if it is over my limit. I swallow whatever that I do not like, whatever words that you used to tarnish me, whateve lies you told to me, whatever noise you make. I took it all. I accepted you as you are. My only request to you is not to create problems. I am really so tired. Can you just let me go. Sigh...

Sigh... Have I not done enough but to get this again and again? Sigh... Are you really learning? My boss called me in today to talk about something. Before she started she reminded me not to lose weight anymore, she said my face is getting thinner and thinner. How not to? I really don't know how not to... Not that I want. Who would want to be ugly?

Sigh... OH God, You know my name, You know my everthing. You know every struggle that I am going through. Please take charge of me, I believe Lord, I believe that You will be there for me. Yes Lord, I need You so much. I really need strength and courage. Lord, help me not to run away, not to pressure myself. You know my heart, You know what I'm thinking. Lord, give me, give me bravery. Lord please take it away! I'm broken. Heal me Lord!!! Keep me under Your wings and hold me tight. I'm feeling so insecure. I'm really so afraid. Take me! T.T

set me free Lord.

Crying Angel vs. Blackshirt Angel

I have been counselling a mother as I got to know about her family situations. She has an 8- year old daughter and a 4- year old autistic daughter.

Her problem with the autistic girl is better as we continuously guiding her. But the her problem with the 8- year old girl is bad. The girl does not really like her younger sister because since she came, all the attention she got from her parents disappeared. She experienced sudden lost of love. She felt that her mum loves her sister more than her. In addition, her mum told her once that she is not her biological daughter. This little girl took it seriously. She went round asking if this is true. She asked her grandparents and other relatives. She also told her friends about this.

I was stunt to know that she told her that because this statement is gonna hurt the girl. Some more the sudden lost of love will assure her that this is true. I encouraged the mother to explain to her daughter because I foresee this will lead to greater problem. After that little girl got to know the her mum is her mum, I guess she is happy and she told her friends that her mum was just joking with her.

This little girl seems to have the habit to write. The reason she write is to express herself. She wrote a letter one day saying,"You will not be able to see me anymore. Even after 100 years you wont be able to see me. I wanna leave now. You don't love me anymore. I love you." At the back of that paper she wrote," Go away, don't talk to me." This is what her mother always says to her. I think she is a talkative girl. A child being a child, she would have a lot of questions to ask. Few weeks before this her mum told me that she found this paper. Yesterday, she brought to me and I read it. I nearly broke down when I saw that little letter. She drew a crying angel in the middle of that paper.

Besides, her mom feels uneasy to hug her. The reason is she thinks that she has grown up so she doesn't need anything like this. I encourage her to start feeding her with loving touch if not as she grows she will seek love out out there. Sigh...

Whenever the mother came to talk to me with teary eyes, I will become like that also. But I control myself. I pity the family. Yeah, frankly they really need "family therapy". I feel for the girl and I understand her feeling. When the closest ones become "strangers", there's no one to turn to, no one to depend on. The feeling of being rejected is too hurtful. I hope I will be able to help her.

This reminded me of myself, I used to call myself Blackshirt Angel. I wrote to pen pals. I wrote to bridges and I wrote to a dead person that I do not know. I did not know God that time. I was a confused and a lost child. ICQ and Chatroom was a place for me to release my sadness but not to people that I know, only strangers. All these passed. Life went on until now. I'm still alive...

Dear girl, you are not alone. There is some ONE up there knows your struggles. He knows everything about you. Even if everyone rejects you or leave you alone, He will be there. I hope that you will find Him. I will be there for you, praying for you too. *Hugs*

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me
Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh

The Reason I Work/ Keep Me working