Recently, a non- Christian friend confronted me.  He disliked me putting God around me.  What he meant was I post about God, I thank God for answering prayer and I mention God all the time.  I do not know what else.  Maybe he felt that I'm not doing what is commanded by God.  If he knows what God's commandments are.  I did not really understand what he meant as he refused to explain more.  Erm... I think basically he felt that I'm a hypocrite? Maybe NATO better describe me.  (NATO= No Action Talk Only).

Hmm... Things that I blogged about are real.  Well, I may have added a lot of my own personal opinions and feelings into the posts.  Sigh... I'm still quite blur of what he was trying to say.  At the same time, I thanked him as he alerted me to draw myself closer to God and to His teaching.  I went through a hard time reflecting on myself.  I'm confused and I really do not know if I'm what he said I am.  

What had happened, happened.  I do not have the power to change history.  I felt sorry.  Sorry because I failed God and I failed my friend.  I do not know how many more friends have I discouraged and disappointed.  I felt bad also because I'm a bad walking testimony.  I know what kinda of a person I am.  Sigh... I did try to control many times.  No one sees, they can only see what I did not do.  Hmm...

Why must I blog about God? It's because God is part of my life.  He is real and He is here in my life.  I am guilty of inviting Him to my life and some times sent Him out of my heart.  That is why I have a lot of ups and downs with Him and about Him.  He is a living God, not a stone.  He speaks, He touches my heart.  He is so real that no one else can take His place.  

One of my friends just accepted Christ.  When I asked her why she did that she said that God is so real, He is really a healer.  This friend experienced a similar childhood like me and something bad happened during her high school.  After she accepted Christ, she said she felt so light.  Her burden was taken away.  I can see that she is more cheerful than before.  

Well, it does not mean that after accepting Christ your life will be like a bed of roses.  NO.  We are forgiven, that's for sure.  But our path will still be bumpy, just that now we have a Father, a Friend and a Savior to rely and to depend on.  The way we handle situations and the way we think will slowly change and we find the purpose to continue to live this life.  Disobedience causes me to have a more miserable life.  It's not because of God, it's because I choose to follow my will instead of His will.    

Father, I'm sorry for the things that I've made, I'm sorry for tarnishing Your name.  Father, continue to refine me and change me.  

Change my heart O God, make it ever true.

Change my heart O God, may I be like You!