Brief Updates

It's been a while since I last updated my blog.  Hmm... My mind was and is still occupied with things like my studies, work, Children's Holiday Club, Sunday School and other activities.  Hmm... I felt that suddenly everything came at the same time and I really have to split my mind into a few parts.  Hmm... 

I successfully entered OUM (Open University Malaysia) which is located at the same row as Kampai Japanese Restaurant.  My lectures will be on alternate Sundays.  The Registration was on 10th May 2009 and the Orientation was on 17th May 2009.  My first Tutorial will be on 24th May 2009.  

I had a bad week.  During the Orientation day, I was sick.  I had fever which I did not realised.  I started to have stomach ache at around 10 am plus.  The pain was sharp.  I nearly cried after lunch.  When we had a break I went to toilet to see if I have something to pass hoping that the pain will decrease.  After I closed the door, my glasses dropped into the toilet bowl.  It was too deep that I couldn't save it.  So there went my glasses.  :(  

An aunt approached after the whole thing ended.  She needed transport to the hospital.  She is a nurse serving Ipoh Hospital.  So I tahan my pain and I sent her there.  I thought of going BUG at YMCA but the pain got worse and I had headache due to the fever.  After I reached home, I stayed in the bed and I could hardly move.  It was terrible.  

On Wednesday, my car's gear was not functioning when I was going back to Canning Garden center.  Luckily, I was able to stop at a place which was under a tree and my car was not blocking anyone.  A colleague came to accompany me until my dad and the foreman arrived.  Phew... 

Peace was with me when all these happened.  I hope that God will give me a break from problem until I recover from all these.  A lot of extra expenditure.  The most frustrating one will be my spectacles.  I like my old spectacles but it is gone now :(

Hidden Talent?!

This is a picture of salon drawn and traced by me and Su Yin.  And this was coloured by a 6- yr old Autistic kid.  Su Yin found this picture very artistic, thus, she gave it a shot with her hand phone.  Then she showed it to me.  I was amazed when I saw this.  It looks like it was done by some artists.  At least to me.  I wonder if he did it cos of his colour sense or it's just a mess.  I really wonder.  We should observe more of his way of colouring and then discover his hidden talent.  Hmm... I have not gotten a chance to show his mum his masterpiece.  I thought of asking his mum to give this to me.  Then I frame it up for my new house.  Hehe... If my family knows how to appreciate it.  

FISH FISH FISH

I made the funniest joke of the year at my work place on Thursday.  Haha... When the session was on, I received a call from one of my colleagues' dad.  I remember her dad was from China but he has been staying in Malaysia for many years.  So this uncle called to look for her daughter.  He spoke in Cantonese and he said my colleague's name in Cantonese which we had never ever called each other's name in Cantonese since the first day we worked together.  By the way, both my colleagues' names are quite the same when pronounced in Cantonese.  So I mistaken.  

I was trembling when I was talking to the uncle.  You know why?  I mistaken the names so I thought this uncle was the other colleague's dad whom had already passed on for 9 years.  I was puzzled so I confirmed again but he still said the same name.  I was like... HUH? A dead person called.  I was still steady.  I told him that my colleague was not not free to answer so I said I'll ask her to call him back.  Deep in my heart I was thinking how can my colleague calls her long dead dad?  Hehe... 

After putting down the phone I talked to the other colleague (the right one).  I reconfirmed if the other colleague's dad has passed on.  I also reconfirmed the name that the uncle mentioned which was her name.  She was blur also.  We both blur then sat back down on the chairs and continue the session.  The other colleague was teaching.  I sat down and I thought for a while.  I recited the name that the uncle told then I stood up abruptly and I said that name again and I said,"Aren't you XXX?"  Then only she realised and she finally "woke up"!  Haha... She wasn't feeling well that day that's why she was so blur.  Haha...

This really scared me and I wonder what was happening to me.  Why would I thought of those spirit thing?!!  They laughed at me till I gotta hide like the ostrich.  So memalukan.  Haha...  I also felt stupid for this fishy mistake :P

AWESOME XD

Something that cheered me today.  At least one thing that made me chuckled for the day :)

Today I was the Linked Activity teacher.  So I have to handle singing session also.  Today I did it a little differently.  I asked the children to sing one by one.  While their friend is singing in front the others be spectators.  So they came out one by one to sing.  Well, not all of them could sing clearly or in the right tune.  But I appreciated their bravery and their enthusiasm.  Imagine if I ask my Sunday School kids to sing one by one, they sure will complain a lot.  Hmm... 

There was thins child named LXT, she is an Autistic and she has Oral Apraxia, meaning she can hardly imitate word as her oral motor is weak.  But out of our amazement, she sang clearly today.  I would say she was the second clearest and the most in tune one!  All the teachers smiled.  We were all SO happy to see such scene.  This was so unexpected!

Usually she will just follow the actions of the songs during singing session.  She had not really sung.  One of the possibilities that I could think of is, she felt funny as today they were not singing as a group.  Usually our singing session for this group is very noisy and very "high".  Today was a bit quiet, I guess... she wasn't used to it.  So she might have thought," Eh, how come no one sings today? Okay... nobody sings, so I sing... louder!"  When I was driving, I flashed back how she sang, I chuckled.  XD

Her mother had been very sad over her condition.  Her mother did think of killing her before she accepted her child.  To me, she is a pretty gal, a gal whom I love when I first saw her.  I like the way she looks at things, I like the way she communicates with her eyes and I still remember the first time she indicated to me that she needed to change her clothes by pointing to her dress and the room.  I was so glad!  

Her mum had been discouraged by a lot of things, even the slow progress of her child.  Some times she was so depressed that she called me at night for reassurance.  I pity her.  Well, well, today, finally there was something touched her heart, something she longed for all these years.  Yeah, I told her that she sang SO clearly when I saw her just now, she was so happy to know that, she finally got positive comments without her approaching the teachers herself.  I'm joyous too.  I can't suppress but to praise Him for He is AWESOME, indeed!!!  

Death and life are in the power of the tongue

These verses spoke to me today.  

Proverbs 18: 21

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." 

James 3:4-5

"Behold, the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder, where the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things." 

This morning, one of my students' mum approached me.  She got another tuition / therapy center for her 4- year old Autistic daughter.  This is not the first time she came to me asking my opinion about those centers.  Hmm... I did not really know much about her as she is still quite new with us.  She was not quite open to us as well.  I just noticed that she will be very disappointed if her daughter cannot perform well that day.  She will be frustrated and her daughter will be frustrated too as she is forced to do things that she dislikes and they have communication breakdown.  Hmm... I tried my best to help on the surface as I did not really know her "real" problem.  

Today, I got a chance to find out from her.  She even broke down as I was digging the root that causes all these emotional thingy.  I quite pity her as she doesn't have the support from her husband.  Her husband is still in denial stage.  He can't accept that he has a special child.  He pushed all the responsibilities to the wife saying that her she is useless because she delivered a child like this.  He doesn't care about anything at home even the furnitures at home.  If anything spoils, he will not help to repair, he said this is her responsibility and his responsibility is just to be the bread winner.  He has been hurting her so much when he is not giving any support.  Sigh... So sad!  

The mother has insomnia.  Her husband invited a few Feng Shui masters to the house and they told her that there are spirits.  This added on her burdens.  She felt very unpeaceful when she was alone at home.  The Feng Shui master wanted them to shift the furniture around but the husband pushed the job to her.  Sigh... How can a lady push the sofa set around all by herself? How can she shift the bed around by herself?  She ignored but the husband kept nagging about it.  

I also noticed that these mothers do not feel proud of their sons or daughters.  Whatever other people say about their children's problem.  They agree to it and get depressed.  They just do not know how to enjoy their kids by telling them back how they have improved.  

It's not enough to refrain from speaking negative things. You must proactively say positive and encouraging things about yourself and your family. As you speak words of blessing over your life, you will find that they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can change your world by changing your words.

I agree to this so much.  Yeah, I must learn to think positively about myself so that I will not be depressed and make myself fail to contribute more.  I think not only that, as we speak to others, we must also try to be less negative.  So that others will not be discouraged but have the courage to move on to the higher ground.  

Make sure that the fruit your tongue produces is sweet. Declare that you are blessed and that whatever you do will succeed. Begin to speak those words of faith and victory over your life and over your loved ones, and you will reap a harvest that will bless your family for generations.

Did You Belittle Me?

I was a bit upset when I heard that this friend said there was no one caring for him when he was going through some difficult situations.  I still remember how we cared for him and how we prayed for him.  Sigh... I still remember what I told him and how I assured him of my support.  No I did not and I don't expect a "Thank you" from him.  I thank God and I was delighted when he finally made things right.  I was so impressed and so saluted him.  

Now only I know that he did not take my care as CARE.  He gave me an impression that he was hoping for people that he wants to care for him.  And yes I wasn't the one.  

With this, I was reminded of the friend who indirectly asked me not to talk about God when I'm not HOLY.  So he was another friend telling me "You are not there yet to care for me."

Walaueh!

What the world wants now?  

Sigh...  Let's reflect on the way we care and the way we receive care.  WWJD?

Agree

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success..
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say.... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!  

Recently, a non- Christian friend confronted me.  He disliked me putting God around me.  What he meant was I post about God, I thank God for answering prayer and I mention God all the time.  I do not know what else.  Maybe he felt that I'm not doing what is commanded by God.  If he knows what God's commandments are.  I did not really understand what he meant as he refused to explain more.  Erm... I think basically he felt that I'm a hypocrite? Maybe NATO better describe me.  (NATO= No Action Talk Only).

Hmm... Things that I blogged about are real.  Well, I may have added a lot of my own personal opinions and feelings into the posts.  Sigh... I'm still quite blur of what he was trying to say.  At the same time, I thanked him as he alerted me to draw myself closer to God and to His teaching.  I went through a hard time reflecting on myself.  I'm confused and I really do not know if I'm what he said I am.  

What had happened, happened.  I do not have the power to change history.  I felt sorry.  Sorry because I failed God and I failed my friend.  I do not know how many more friends have I discouraged and disappointed.  I felt bad also because I'm a bad walking testimony.  I know what kinda of a person I am.  Sigh... I did try to control many times.  No one sees, they can only see what I did not do.  Hmm...

Why must I blog about God? It's because God is part of my life.  He is real and He is here in my life.  I am guilty of inviting Him to my life and some times sent Him out of my heart.  That is why I have a lot of ups and downs with Him and about Him.  He is a living God, not a stone.  He speaks, He touches my heart.  He is so real that no one else can take His place.  

One of my friends just accepted Christ.  When I asked her why she did that she said that God is so real, He is really a healer.  This friend experienced a similar childhood like me and something bad happened during her high school.  After she accepted Christ, she said she felt so light.  Her burden was taken away.  I can see that she is more cheerful than before.  

Well, it does not mean that after accepting Christ your life will be like a bed of roses.  NO.  We are forgiven, that's for sure.  But our path will still be bumpy, just that now we have a Father, a Friend and a Savior to rely and to depend on.  The way we handle situations and the way we think will slowly change and we find the purpose to continue to live this life.  Disobedience causes me to have a more miserable life.  It's not because of God, it's because I choose to follow my will instead of His will.    

Father, I'm sorry for the things that I've made, I'm sorry for tarnishing Your name.  Father, continue to refine me and change me.  

Change my heart O God, make it ever true.

Change my heart O God, may I be like You!

More to Come! More to be DONE!

I was looking back at some of the photos that we took in Indonesia.  Tears swelled in my eyes.  I was touched and I think I really miss the trip.  Yeah, again, I'm amazed that I was on the stage in front of 450 youths and kids and I am still amazed that I gave my testimony to the high school students, about 50 of them.  I owed and I'm still owing Wan Li my testimony since last year.  Haha... and I did it in Indonesia.  I acted in church once which was 6-7 years ago but I played a part in a mime and presented in Indonesia.  This is impossible without God's help.  I do not think I'll do all these in my church before the trip.  

 

Well, this is not the end I bet.  I felt that the trip was just a beginning.  A beginning for more great things to happen in Elim as well as to those who went.  For example, last week, I was asked to share on what I'd learned or what impacted me most from the trip.  I prepared it 2 hours before the meeting due to I did not know what else to share and I did not want the people to hear the same thing  over and over again.  Well, I was a bit nervous but this feeling is getting lesser and lesser.  This is indeed a good thing.  

I found out that I was and am still afraid to commit myself to the work of God.  I broke down because of the fear during the Korean outreach.  There was an altar call, Pastor Daniel Kim asked the congregation to come out to the altar if any of us decided to want to serve the church more.  I wanted to get out.  But the fear was holding me so tightly.  I was like glued to the chair.  I broke down.  I kept saying sorry to the Lord.  Sigh... At that moment I felt that I'm so useless and helpless.  

Since the day I found out my fear of committing, I prayed to God to show me the way, to show me where to start.  After a week, my prayer was answered.  I hope I did not get it wrong.  I was asked to take up the story telling during Open Sunday School this Easter Sunday.  Yeah, I have to relate it to the eggs.  I did not know what is it gotta do with egg.  I asked my ex-colleague as she did it before.  However, she had already forgotten the relation of Easter and egg.  So I thought that I do not want to do that part.  I did not approach anyone else for this matter.  On Wednesday, my boss did the sharing during our devotion time.  She mentioned about the relation, I was like..." Ok, God, do you really want to me to relate Your resurrection to the egg?"  I'm still thinking if I should.  Hmm...  Was it just a coincidence or God's prompting?  *shrug*

All the best to me and Mun Yan!  Pray for us.  I'm falling sick soon.  Pray for voice and clear speech if you read this :)  Thanks ya!

The Brief Conclusion

We had our debrief after the trip.  Erm... Yeah, sharing again.  Hmm... We all own a DVD of the trip photos and the clips.  

So... What did I learn from this trip?

1.  I learned that I need Him urgently.

2.  This trip without Him will not be successful.

3.  I learned to let go of self when I try my best to act for Him and speak for Him.  

4.  I am more willing to take up challenges at the moment.  

Erm... yeah, that's a brief one.  Hehe... The most important thing is I'm back in His arms.  My walk with Him is still not very stable.  I am tempted to go against Him and try to own life by myself instead of letting Him to take control. 

I am learning and this learning experience is going to overwhelm me I believe.  It's going to lead to something great if I'm obedience enough.  

No One Is Righteous

Romans 3: 9-12

What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? No, not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin.  As it is written:  "There's no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.  All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

Pastor Daniel Kim from Beijing shared on this when he was preaching in our church today.  He added,"Everything  in this world is conditional.  People judge us by what what we do and how we perform."  This statement really struck me as it's so true.  Even in any kind of relationships, the love we share is conditional.  We can say how much we love each other but still we condition others.  We want others to live up to our expectations.  We want others to speak our love languages but most of the time we fail to speak their love languages.  It could be because of not willing to let go of self and it could be because of insensitivity.  Our humanly love is really selfish.  We can hardly accept people because of who they are.  Are we any better? Why do we try to "impose" others?  

Pastor explained as the scripture stated in verse 20, it's only when we know God's law, we are conscious of our sins.  When we are conscious of our sins, let's try to overcome it with God.  God is our Redeemer, Saviour and Friend.  He will not forsake us.  Let's be brave!  And let's learn how God loves and love others like how God loves us.  

22nd March 2009

Ok this was our last day in Jakarta.  We went to another Abba Love church for Sunday service.  We worshipped their.  Uncle William gave sermon there with a pro translater.  Yeah, he preached in English.  Hmm... I really admired the translator.  He was really fast and precise.  *Thumb up*

Hmm...After the service, we went for our brunch at a nearby stall.  The noodles there not bad also.  Not too tasty but not bad.  Enjoyed the meal.  Before the meal, Kian Aun wanted to leave them our Give Thanks song and Bernice was the one who taught the Indons.  Hmm... 

After the meal we started our journey to the airport.  Hmm... We checked in everything and we took some photos there with our hosts and then we went to the departure hall.  Hmm...

What I shared here were not the entire thing as we were in different groups.  Some amazing things that other groups experienced I wasn't really clear.  But I will conclude the trip on the next post :)  

21st March 2009

                                          

This was the place we stayed overnight after the extreme prayer.  Hmm... Most of us gals did not manage to sleep tight as the room was too cold and there was so much noice made by people outside the room.  I think it was because they just came back from the prayer.  And we heard uncle William talking so loudly so early in the morning.  *sweat*

Hmm...This was the day most of us looked forward to where we would have our free time and we would have time to shop for souvenirs etc.  Some were looking for branded sports wear as they said the goods are sold cheaper there.  Well, we waited till noon then only went to those places.  We went to a mall, and we had Japanese food.  Mission trip wor...

I did not get to really tour around the giant mall.  I only got to visit their toilets *sweat* Haha... From the time we were at the Japanese restaurant I already in the toilet once.  When my food came, they informed me then I went back there to finish my food.  Then I went to the same toilt again.  After they left, I came out thought of meeting them, but they went different direction.  I was still not feeling quite well so I visited the toilet at another level.  Keke...  That's how I spent my day in the mall.  

Then we went to another place that sells all the sports wear.  I did not get anything from there too.  Haha... There was nothing interesting for me, not too interesting that will get me to spend there.  Some of us did get things there for themselves as well as for family members.  

At 5pm, we had to attend a youth service.  That church is in a mall itself.  The whole church has about 400 youths and kids.  What amazed me was seeing kids worshipping God with their hearts.  I had never seen such scene in my church.  The kids flipped the bible as the 16 year old girl was preaching up there.  It was really impressive.  We played our mime- The Simple Heart there and Carmen shared her testimony there.  

After that we left the church to the Industry again to have our dinner and to have short sharing on the trip as well as the church we attended just now.  After that we went to have satay ayam some where with the local church members- Amos, Erwin and Ricky if I'm not mistaken.  They have been the greatest hosts ever.  

19th- 20th March 2009

The host, Pak Rueben shared on Ephesians 3: 1- 13 and Philippians 3: 7- 8 and his sharing led me to share on John 16:33 I could hardly understand what he shared because of the language.  But I think it was about giving up things for the sake of Christ.  I felt that it's a very difficult thing to do.  By giving up those things cost us a lot.  But we are always comforted because God has already overcome the world, we do not have to worry or afraid (we will do as we are human, lack of faith).  

After the dawn prayer we went back to the house and we packed.  We had our breakfast- fried rice, prepared by his wife and we had sweet tea.  It tasted good and this time without pig skin :P

Our next station was a school- Cendrawaseh Kristen School.  This is a private school and it's a christian school.  It was Erwin's school, he graduated his junior high here.  By the way, Erwin was our guide when we were in the village.  

We joined their KidsGame in the school.  I was observing them and I got ideas for my kids in the center.  Some of the games they can play too :)  After each games they had small group discussion.  The helper will tell them the values they can learn through the games and they related it to bible stories too.  I kinda like it and hoping to be trained.  

After the KidsGame, we went to the junior high school.  We toured around the school then we joined they worship session.  If I am not mistaken, the worship is a daily thing.  We were invited to sing two songs on stage.  We sang Hari Ini Ku Rasa Bahagia and How Great is Our God.  Well, I found their worship dry as it was more l ike a concert than true worship.  However, I also felt they they are really blesssed to be reminded of God's presence everyday.  No matter how each of them worship, no matter what their attitudes are, they received the seed.  In His time, it will grow.  

After that we went to Erwin's house for lunch.  Her mum sells noodles outside his house.  He has a huge house.  We had Bakmi ayam i think.  It was tasty and again he served us a lot of other foods like Popiah, fish crackers, huge bananas, and I had my favorite drinks there- Fanta :)  The headmaster of Cendrawaseh treated us lunch there.  Hmm... We rested at his house and then he brought us to one of Abba Love at Carrefoure.  It was a nice place.  

Oh yeah, we visited another school called SMU? It is a public school and we were invited to join their CF (Christian Fellowship).  I gave my testimony there and we played our drama there- Why Didn't You Tell Me Earlier? by Eliza and Hui Xian.  KM preached, it was actually a summary on the drama and Kian Aun did the ice- breaker. Heh... The CF was really impressive.  The students were attentive and always connected to us when we talked.  During their worship, we can really see that it was from their hearts.  Their attitudes encouraged me a lot and I shared my testimony with the lowest fear level.  These were Senior High students.  Compared to the Junior High students, yeah, their maturity level is higher.   Apparently it was a famous school like our Sam Tet and Ave Maria. 

Then we went to their sports ministry place.  It was a comfy place.  Besides their church, they have a place to hang out.  It is like a second home.  Cool!  There are basketball courts and Futsal courts.  They are superb.  They have so many coach and their players can play very well.  When the other groups reached the Industry also. We had brief sharings on their stay at the villages.  Then we played captain ball and futsal together.  Then we had BBQ and then to the Extreme Prayer.  It was an overnight thing, from 10pm to 5 am the next morning.  But we left at 2am after the refreshments.  

During the Extreme Prayer.  I had no feelings.  The drum beat away all my feelings.  As I tried to focus on God, everyone of my family members, my friends and loved ones accured in my mind.  All their faces flashed in my mind.  I began to pray for their salvation.  I named them one by one.  I named them again and again.  After that only found out that some of us from our team prayed for the same thing.  I guessed God alerted us that we should pray and reach out to our loved ones.  Hmm... It should not stop there.  

18th March 2009

Upon Jervin's request, I'm here to share about my Indonesia trip.  Haha... Yeah, I was back in Ipoh for a week by now.  I was too lazy to share it here again because I shared many times already.  Haha...

18th March

 

When we reached Indonesia's Airport, we were received by the fellow brethren from Abba Love.  Abba Love is a huge church with many branches.  It's a church like City Harvest in Singapore.  Then we were sent to a village called Sehwan.  We gathered at a kindergarten.  The first stop was at the "Mental Health Rehab Center".  We had fellowship with some of the mentally ill people.  One of them played the guitar and sang us two songs.  We sang two songs for them too.  Then we were served butter cookies.  After that we were told to break ourselves into 3 groups because each group will be going into different villages.  My group went to a Ex- lepers village, another group went to a rubbish dump village and another group to a village with a lot of kids(?).  We did not know the conditions of the 3 villages and we did not know what to expect.  So off we went to the respective villages.  

When I reached the village, it wasn't as bad as I expected.  We did not get to bath in the river.  Hehe... I did not know that that is an ex- lepers village also.  I got to know when I found that most of the uncles and aunties do not have fingers, or their fingers and toes are crooked.  Then only I asked Km.  Once we reached the host's house, we were served soft drinks, then we were served Chocolate Ice- blended and then bubur kacang hitam, which we thought it was our dinner.  By now you can see how hospitable are they.  They were so warmth.  

After we bathed, we went home visits.  We went to a few houses.  We were treated Eskrim in one of the houses we visited.  They run a business and they said it was from God.  It's a kedai runcit.  The first thing that the people said when they saw us was Puji Tuhan.  They were ex- lepers.  Because of their sickness, they lost their fingers, toes and legs.  They are poor and yet they praised God.  I can hardly do that, I blamed God for the things that I've to go through.  When my center has visitors, I never said praise God.  I have never said that.  To them, God's people are Luar Biasa, yet I felt that I am just as ordinary as other people.  I did not seriously think that having God is a Luar Biasa thing.  I was slapped twice once I was there. 

Would I praise God when I lose a leg? Fingers? Toes? They are so simple and they place their trust fully on God.  I felt and still feeling so ashamed for trying to run away from God like Adam and Eve.  Shame on me!   :(

We joined their young adult meeting too.  I had language barrier plus I wasn't really alert, I couldn't understand what they were talking about.  They were fun and cheerful.  Their worship was superb and their prayer meeting was so different from us.  They are planning to go on a mission soon, if I'm not mistaken, they will be going in May.  I must remember to pray for them.  Hmm... I took the initiative to talk to them.  I got them to write something in my journal too :)

After that we went back home, we had our dinner.  I swallowed a piece of pig skin.  I thought it was sotong or something.  I had never ever seen pig skin in this form.  I did not want to know what it was too.  But Erwin, he told us.  I was not in time to stop him.  sigh...

We were told that the next morning they have dawn prayer.  It was at 5am, Malaysian time will be 4am.  Ok it was our first night ok?  But we managed to wake up in time.  

Today is the third day I worked with that difficult colleague after the 3 months break from her.  Oh well, I felt that I've changed- not to be more patient though.  I changed to be more direct.  I felt that I'm braver to confront her and those parents.  Oh well, they may feel that I'm not in the right mood.  However, sooner or later they will know that I have become more firm to them.  

I do not know how they may feel with my change especially for my colleague.  But I want to be brave to do what is right at work.  Hmm... It's a tiring and busy day.  But I felt most peaceful at this moment.  I hope that this peace will continue to wrap me tightly.  

I handed my application form for my studies.  Am I ready?  I seriously do not know.  I felt that I will be bound by it.  I will not have so much freedom to be involved in certain activities.  But I'm really in the mood to learn new things and to be as expressive as possible when I teach.  I need to revive my spirit in my area of work as well as my relationship with my family.  I felt that I have neglected them for a while.  Hmm...

I'm in Indonesia :)

Oh man, I've been here in Indonesia for 3 days. I'm having great time here. I met a lot of people that are so fervent in serving God. I met people who can praise God so gladly and so sincerely. I really feel so ashamed of my faith. Sigh...

Yeah, having great time but still I know there is something in my heart that I need to settle. Some of the time really felt that I can hardly focus on God, it could be because of new environment and it could be because of the way of they worship is different from us. I really admire their way of praising God and trusting God. They are so true and so real. Sigh...

You Are My All In All

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel

Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God

Worthy is your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising up now I'll bless your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down, you pick me up

When I am dry, you fill my cup

You are my all in all

When we were singing this song just now, I finally realised that at the end of the day, the only one who will not abandon me forever is God.  He says He loves me, He meant and still mean it.  He will be with me till the end of time and still He will be with me after the end of time.  It's the true everlasting love.  

A couple maybe in love now, but this love is not going to last.  Some years down the road, there maybe problems, with those problems, the couple  may start drifting apart from each other.  Unforgiveness, hurts, tears will separate them forever.  Even friendships are not everlasting.  One day, we will leave this earth.  Tears swelled when I finally realised that He is the one I need most right now.  The One whom will do what He has promised.  

Most of us are like NATO ( No Action, Talk Only) especially when comes to handling emotions.  One minute, we will be able to think straight, another minute, we mess up what we think we have already thought through.  We contradict ourselves at times.  But God will never ever do that to us.  He mean what He says and He does what He says.  No matter how flowery our words can be when we express our love to some one, when situations or unhappiness come, we change our minds.  I'm struggling hard to do things, to love, to care like how Jesus did!  

I know what I'm talking about.  It maybe a bit disorganised as I wrote whatever that comes to my mind.  I just felt like blogging it...

 

My Heart Is Far From You

Mark 7: 6

He replied," Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 

This verse really struck me when my colleague was reading this passage.  The feeling was like being slapped on the face.  Oh well, yeah, I can tell people how great is God, how He had been and still blessing me, but viewing on my attitude toward things, people, relationships and work, truly, my heart is far from Him.  I have been doing things against His will.  I maybe ruining a bright and purposeful future that He has planned for me.  A lot of temptations came and still are coming my way.  I failed to keep myself away from those temptations.  Sigh... In short, keeping myself on the right path really is a struggle.  O God, help me flee from it.  

Wish You Jesus

I could wish you joy and peace

To last a whole life long

I could wish you sunshine

Or a cheerful little song

Or wish you all the happiness

That this life could bring

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

More than anything

I could wish you leaves of gold

And may your path be smooth

I could wish you treasures

Or that all your dreams come true

And I could wish you paradise

That everyday be spring

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

I've wished you everything

'Cause when I wish you Jesus 

I wish you everything