Easter

CHC was over for almost a week. I was not the story teller anymore. I learned to tell story in more interesting ways. I found that I prefer teaching younger children. Yeah, the most important thing is I learned to depend on God more and I learned that God will always be in charged. There is no problem too big that He, our God cannot solve.

Yesterday, I went to Chinese Assembly's Easter outreach. The speaker was really good. He was born in Hong Kong, his mother is a preacher. However, he joined Gangster when he was in Hong Kong and he was a drug- addict. He went through a lot. There was unforgiveness but Now he is a pastor in Taiwan and he is reaching out to other drug addicts in many countries including India.

Today I'm back to my own church Easter Outreach. Well, overall was fine just that there were too much movements and unclear speeches. I'm glad that my friend came as well. Glad to see many new faces as well. Our seat was near the air- con. I was shivering all the way. It's a rainy day, let me count, it rained for more than 8 hours already. Hmm...it's still raining.

You know, after the CHC, whenever I saw the clips about Jesus being crucified, seeing how he suffered, I can kinda feel the pain. This was because on the 4th day of CHC, I told the kids about Jesus' death and his resurrection. In one of the parts I'd to act the process of Jesus crucifixion. It really hurt when I was doing that with the kids. During the first session, I nearly cried. haha..and that day, the kids behaved best somehow. They seemed to feel solemn too.

It's Easter!!! Let's celebrate!!! It's not a time to be sad, it's a time to celebrate because Jesus is alive!!!

Blessed Easter to all!!!

Ummm...

You know, I've been doing something very stupid on some people. I wanna make it a very special one for them to remember. I just wanna do it. So please let me. I may need to spend a little on those. I don't mind.

Wan Keen

Tiring

Being a story teller can be very tired at times. I've to adapt to my partner's way of doing things. This morning my head was pain like hell. I kept praying this morning for my sister and brother's result and for myself. They turned out well and me? Again, I stumbled during the senior group session. I found my area though. I think I can deal with younger kids better than the older ones. Sigh... I'm kinda discouraged but I'm trying to ignore those negative stuff and try to do better. Phew...I'm still tired.

Oh ya, staying in a dark room with little light for long time can be very tiring also. Hmm... Tomorrow I'll be free. I don't have any parts to play. Thursday and Friday start battle again. less fright though. It's a good sign.

A Dedication

This is for you! I sang this song today and I hope you will be lifted by this song especially it's bridge.

God is good all he time

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise
In this heart of mine!
God is good all the time
And through the darkest night
His light will shine
God is good
God is good all the time

If you're walking through the valley
And there are shadows all around
Do not fear, he will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
he has promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you, and His word is true

We were sinners so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
Filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
That his love is everlasting
And his mercies, they will never end

Though I may not understand
All the plans you have for me
My life is in your hands
And through the eyes of faith
I can clearly seee


See with our eyes of faith. We may not really understand the plans, but He is GOOD, all the time. He won't lead us to the wrong path. Hold on to Him and move on!!! I'm praying and supporting you always! Love in Christ...

God Spoke once again

I love to hear God speaks. I enjoy hearing from God. God spoke to me once again on Saturday night through Pastor Chong. My car broke down at Medan Gopeng main road that day. So i called home. I heard my dad yelling and i started to be frustrated. I waited there with my sister for almost an hour. We were hungry and we were waiting for my dad and his foremen. Before I left the center I already told my sister that I felt that something bad is going to happen.

It was raining cats and dogs. I was at the left side of the road and an ambulance passed by. I was like, Oh man, why at this time? My dad came and the foremen started my car and I've to go to the bus station to fetch my elder sister. I was not familiar with that place so I got lost and gotta make a U-turn. My dad got frustrated because of that ( I felt it's stupid). He scolded me after the whole thing.

He said he was very disappointed because we didn't know the way etc. A lot of the things that he scolded was wrong. He made wrong assumption and he ignored my feelings. I hid in my room and cried. I really felt like going out to fight back but i did not.

On Saturday night, the pastor shared on 1 Corinthians 9 again. There was one point that he mentioned: We need to let go of our right in order to save a soul. This confirmed that I did it correctly and I've to continue doing this. An incident happened to me lately, and i wanted to pursue further but somebody asked me to let go and she said subject closed. And I let it go. I did not feed my desire by pursuing the truth to justify myself. I did it! Though I was not quite happy about it.

Imagine, if i fight back, what will happen? If I keep looking for justice, what will happen? I will only show them my selfishness instead of peacemaker. I really hope that they will come to know the Lord one day!

I really thank God for this confirmation and I hope and pray that God will continue to working in me so that I can be a better person. Sigh... It's tough though!

Stop hurting

I've been thinking a lot lately, about how I've been hurting people who love me in very indirect and tiny ways.

When I'm sick, I refuse to take medication or I even refuse to drink whatever my mum makes for me. I refuse to see doctor as well. Even when the medicine is sent right in front of me, I just would not take it. (Irresponsible for my own health and making them worry).

Sometimes, when people talk to me, I just feel reluctant to answer them or respond to them. I hurt them indirectly. Who would love to be rejected? I even show them that I do not want to talk.

When I'm sad, I let off on my loved ones. I show displeasure. Somehow or rather, we can just hurt them this way.

I show disappointment in certain situation towards people who cant meet my expectation. I hurt them by making them feel that they are useless (for those passive ones) indirectly.

I really need to learn to stop hurting people. A hurt a day, chase the charms away.

Worship

Today is the first time I wept during worship not because of problems but because of the goodness of the Lord. I wept and praised God for allowing things to happen to my loved ones. Especially my family. He has been good to us and He has been revealing Himself to them.

Kok Ming chose a song named Hallelujah To the Lamb. I was so touched by this song and I really pray that one day every tongue, every tribe, every people and every land will confess that He is Lord of all. I especially prayed for everyone that is around me who has yet to know the Lord. Be it people in the center, my friends and my family. Everyone!!!

I'm very sure God'll make it happen! In His time!!!

Good job guys, today's worship is excellent!!!

Please...

Not again!!! Not now! I need a break!!!

Appreciation

Haha...it's really good to chat with my "brother". We seldom have a moment of silence. I think even if we have any moment of silence I don't think there's any weird feeling. Well, I believe very much that if friends can be comfortable with each other in whatever situation, I guess, they are and/ or can be close friends. Also when they are comfortable sharing with each other about their lives.

It's not easy to own good friends indeed. If you have one or more, let's start appreciating them and start expressing your love towards them. Make that expression personal. I guess it will mean a lot to your good friends!

Apology

How would you feel when people judge your "sorry"? People may say you did not mean your "sorry". When you wanted to settle an issue but that person was not in tune with you. It's hard.

When some one apologizes sincerely, he/she maybe judged for not meaning it. When some one doesn't apologize, people keep saying he/ she is not apologetic. What the world wants? Do this, they are not satisfied; do that they are not satisfied as well. Humans are really hard to please. All because, they don't know what they want!!! Sigh... I'm very tired! I've had enough stress.

Still I need to settle this. Not pleasing man issue, just expressing that human is hard to please even when you are not trying to please them. *if you understand what I mean*

Where should I go from here? I'm kinda fed up!!!

It Finally came back to Me

1 Corinthians 9: 19- 22
Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law, I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but under Christ's law), so to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, To win the weak. I have become all things to all men, so that by all possible means I might save some.

I couldn't find these verses for about 6 years. Haha... These were the very first verses that God impressed me and prompted me to send to Kok Ming. It was during his first year in University. He was trying to reach out to his friends in the university. These verses assured him of what he was doing. And we just started for about few weeks to a month, I'm not very sure. I became Christian for not very long. Could be a month old only if I'm not mistaken.

There were many incidents where I was prompted to send prayers and bible verses to certain people. Most of their replies were," Your prayer/ that verse(s) reached in time ." Some of them may continue asking," Why do you send it to me?" Well, my reply usually went,"I don't know."

I did not give up practicing this. But when I'm not connected with people I'll not be able to do so. I stopped doing this for quite a while. Lately I started it again. It's only when I'm connected. Or sometimes I maybe lazy to take the prompt and for some reasons I do not want to do it. Also because I did not study the bible everyday (confession). Sigh...

When I thought back, I'm really glad that God used me even when I was very young in faith. God used me even when I'm young in faith, I'm sure He will use everyone, EVERYONE who believes in Him to touch lives in His own special ways. The problem is always "we are not taking Instructions well from Him." And many of us do not pay attention to what He's telling us. We are giving excuses, we fail to identify and we are just IDIOT, aren't we?

I'm sad because I'm one of them. And yet still not doing anything about it. Yes, Lord, I'm trying. Help me to forgive myself and move on!!!

Sharing Faith

There are three keys to sharing your faith with someone else. First, it must be real in your life. Moses said the words must be in your "heart," not just your "head." Second, we must impart truth and information. That is, we must teach diligently. Finally, this truth must penetrate every corner of our lives. We must talk of it when we lie down and when we rise up. We rarely fool anyone, and if one of these keys is missing in our lives, we will not make an impact on others. We must know the truth, it must be real to us, and it must permeate our daily lives.

I think if we want to share our FAITH with some one, we must first know the truth, stated as above. We must try to share how we have experienced God in our daily lives. It can be very personal. Many people that I've met, in fact including myself, we just find it hard to share our personal stuff with others. I'm not so sure of the reasons. Well, I guess this is one of the obstacles that is hindering us to reaching out. No matter how good your sermonate can be, if you are not convicted, it's meaningless. It's all about theory. Where is the personal touch? I'm not sure how many people will agree with me. Personally, I would love to learn about the theories and I'm looking forward to know how God touches people's lives. I guess we have had enough theories some times. We may need the real life stories to encourage us. That's why all those direct sales products or some other products, they need their customers' testimony to testify that their products are real and functioning.

Well, we need spiritual testimony as well. Real life story. Are we ready to share?

Edison

Sigh...another sad story! I just can't bear when I knew that he wept. It's such a hard thing to face though it was his fault. I'm sad for him and everyone who were involved. Hope this is the end of it and hope people will stop talking about it so that he will be able to continue his life after repenting. I'm not his fans. I don't watch his movie nor his songs. Well, hope everything will be well with him and those who were involved. This lesson is really costly. It can just ruin the lives of the girls. They need great courage to stand up again. Pray that they will find the Lord and hope that God will heal them. Oh well, the world learned a lesson though! Especially for the young ones!

The answer and questions POSTED2me

As i was typing the previous post. I really couldn't comprehend why I condemn myself before anybody else could do. I SMS-ed this person, she told me why. She said my self- esteem and self- worth is low.

She asked,"Do you believe God created us to be worthless human beings?"
Of course I don't believe God created us to be worthless. He created us for a purpose. In His time, He will make all things beautiful. He surely will make all things beautiful and complete in His time. I really believe so.

She also mentioned that I'm my worst critic.
I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to. Why i critic myself? I really do not enjoy it. But, dork! I'm doing it! I AM doing it!!!

She also asked me to ask myself by what/whose comparison am I measuring? Frankly, I've difficulty answering this question. I am really having difficulty answering this question. I always feel that other people can always do a better job than me. I remember I attended a Toy Library conference in KL last year. I admired many people, I thought to myself," I can never be like them". I complimented those people to a friend, I remembered what she said. She said,"Why you always think so lowly of yourself? They aren't really good in certain areas." Well, this I don't know. I just saw that they have great courage and talents.

Sigh... She said I have not let go my past. I'm still holding on to something. That something, I guess it's accusation and how other people may think of me. I hate it very much because I was accused badly when I was young. Something happened today. I think it hurt my self- esteem. I trembled.

* * *
I am back. My friend called me. Yeah, indeed this incident turned out to be a good thing. My imagination is too wild. I'm thinking how other people may look at me. I'm answerable to God, not to men, Why should I worry about it? It's not aligned to my mission at all. I remember a sister shared on something and this statement struck me most,"Look at the bigger picture instead of those negative little things." Yeah, I was totally distracted by all this little things. As long as I do not have any bad intention. I'm pure in heart, God will know. And I already tried my best to settle it. There maybe other upcoming problems, well, it's training to achieve my mission and to be a better person. Yeah, it's indeed great to have problems.

I can't control other people and I can't do anything to stop them. But, I can control myself. I must control myself, my emotion and have faith in Him. So, why am I dwelling in this little thing? Oh man, I'm like two person now.

I should stay focus!!! I'm relieved! God's good. He revealed the truth that fast. I just prayed and He answered! God, I love you!!! Really thank God! I no longer sad! Thanks my dear aunt! I thank God for you as well. I can feel your power even over the phone. I do not know how to describe that power. In your presence, I can feel the peace. do not worry guys, she's not my idol. Haha...I'll always turn back to God. She is whom God sent to help me through.


Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in or steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:19-21).

This failure and useless kinda terms are flowing in my mind again. Sigh... I'm reflecting, am i taking things lightly? Am i just filling up the space at this corner of the world? I hate emotions some times. I hate "shit- stirrer" who likes to make things complicated especially in a relationship. i really hate it so much. i'm very worry. I'm praying that God will make this right for me.

It seems normal to me. Before anybody else can condemn me, I condemn myself first. What kinda attitude and behavior is this? What am i trying to do? I just feel like asking the world, "Do you trust me?" I did not do it, I am very sure I did not. And there's no way I can mixed the both up. I reflected again and again! I did not but i've to pay the price. It doesn't really matter to me. Just that the feeling is not easy to gulp. Sigh... Oh God, tell me the truth that i need to know right now!

Onionize and De- onionize

I wanted to post this post during Valentine's Day. However, I couldn't because I must keep this until the end of today. Tomorrow is the last day of CNY. Yeah, it's Chinese Valentine's Day. Em...What happened during Valentine's Day at my work place?

I onionize a colleague's hand. I started off by asking him,"Are you a good guy? Are you kind?" Then he was blurred. He was too humble. He dared not say he is good or kind. Haha... Then I asked," can you do me a favor?" I refused to tell him what I wanted him to help. He kept asking what's it and kind of worrying that I may harm him or something. Then I continued," Can I borrow your hand?" Of course he was still asking what I was trying to do with his hand.

After a few minutes I finally got him to be onionize. So I started using the onion to rub on the back of his hand. Then, he being playful and kind of want to revenge or make a fool, he tried to rub it back on mine. But I manage to avoid it. I was having a tub of water and a bottle of essence oil. But he did not know what is that bottle of thing for. He tried to grabbed it from me too. ut he failed, of course. He kept making noise.

After finished onionizing. He was required to soak his hand in the water then dry it, this step was supposed to be repeated for 6 times. Then for the 7th time, he was required to soak his hand in the water and used the bowl of the spoon to wash his hand so that the smell will be taken away. After that I de- onionized his hand with the essence oil.

My intension was to have some fun at the work place after the long break. And I wanted this and the message behind it as a gift of Valentine's Day for him. My sister was with us, we had this during our lunch time.

The story behind this was a man called Naaman with leprosy. He was looking for help to heal his leprosy. A servant girl told him about the prophet, that is Elisha. So he went to look for this prophet but Elisha did not want to see him. He just sent his servant and told Naaman to wash himself seven times in the Jordan River. The first 6 times nothing happened, but after the 7th time, he was healed. He obeyed God though it sounded ridiculous. *My young colleague was not quite obedient (to me), haha* He was thinking that I may trick him* haha...

I called his name and said,"......Let God be in charge of your and do things according to his way." Also said, when you smell this essence oil remember the sweetness of obeying God.

After that day I already planned to do this on another young brother, a cute but serious brother. haha... This was as a Chinese Valentine's Day gift also. He is quite obedient and willingly to let me manipulate. Haha... and the other colleague was to smell his hand. Haha... I also found it funny. I mean, the guy who was being onionized before did not know why he had to help me smell his hand. haha... That's funny. After that my senior came to see what we were doing. Then I forgot what happened that we laughed like mad. Then I de- onionized his hands and then he left for horse riding. Told him about the story behind and asked him to let God take charge of his life and do things in his will as well.

I just think that this maybe a special gift. We had fun and I hope this message will sink deep in their hearts! This is one of the activity for the CHC. Did you guys had fun? Haha...

Wan Keen and Frisbee

This is Wan Keen. We brought her to a field near our house to throw Frisbee. When I took out my camera, she posted. Cute not?



















See, she's trying to catch the disc when Wan Sian threw to her. Haha.. she got her hand on it at times. And she hurt her thumb also...






This is a shot where Wan Sian was throwing the disc towards Wan Keen.







Then we went to walk on these stone thing. She was having hard time walking on these stones. Haha..she kept making noise like," Aduh, Aduh, sakitnya!" Non- stop ok?






But she still gave a smile when the camera was on her.






It's too painful already. She was trying to climb up the bar and sit. Haha...







Still walking. She walked 3 rounds as I'd commanded her to, for no reasons actually. Just that I wanted to see her reaction. Then, I promised her to dinner out if she can complete 3 rounds. Haha...that's why she persevered! haha... I know I'm bad! Always!

Weeping

Hmmm... I always feel sad when I got to know any of my friends' faith to God faded. Hmm... I do not know how to put it in words. Just weep for this friend and hoping that God will reveal His will soon.