This morning i was really very unhappy and still very angry over what had happened yesterday. I showed my displeasure to that colleague. I was really angry. My boss was around and she asked me to the office when she saw my reactions. She talked to me. Asking me to let it go. In my mind i know very well that i need to let go. However, when i saw her, my anger was like boiling water from 80'c rise until 100'c very quickly. Sigh... i cried in the office. I was really confused and did not know what should i do and how should i treat her. When i stood firm, she blamed me. When i gave in an inch, she stepped over me. My boss asked me to practice my AUTHORITY. Seriously, i really don't know how. That's why i got so upset.
My boss hugged me and she let me stay in her office to cool myself down. I was in there for 15 minutes. After that i went out. My sister was in the computer room. When i saw her. my tears wanted to flow out again. Then quickly i went to the toilet and keep myself cool again. I asked God to help me stop crying and stop my anger. Then i went out again. i treated her better than this morning. I did not cry anymore and crapped with my other colleagues as usual.
After work, Arthur, Vincent, my sis and i played Frisbee at Polo ground. It was raining and it's still raining now. We played in the rain. I felt so good. With their presence, i really let go of my sadness and i tried my best to play. Hmm..They are fun to play with though our gap is so big.
Hmmm...the most important thing that i want to thank God is, my colleagues did not avoid talking to me, they still crapped with me which made me felt comfortable and not shameful. Hmmm...i hope tomorrow i'll be better.
Love in deed is Love indeed. May be this is a great time for me to show the love of Christ. It's hard but i'll try...
06 December 2007
05 December 2007
What Happened?
Today is really a bad day... I nearly could not recall what had happened! Sigh..because it's too bad for me! I do not understand how it can become so big an issue! What's her problem?
Early in the morning, that colleague asked me to choose a craft of a bird. Both centers needed it. So i'd chosen one and of course i'll acknowledge my superior and asked for her opinion whether to photostat the "bird" then cut. But i thought we can just trace it out and then make a template and see the outcome. So i suggested her to ask my superior. I was still in that picture. Once my superior agreed to trace it and she was teaching her how to do it, i walked away. I walked away not because i wanted to push everything to her. I walked away because i always do not like to have too many cook in a project. Plus i felt that i do not need to be there so i went to continue my work.
After a few hours, she came to me. She showed me the template while my superior went out. I was surprised to see that the template was that small. Because when we saw it, it was a 2D thing. But when it became 3D, it's too small for our children to handle. So i told her, " too small lar!" I even explained to her why i did not approve. She started her temper. She blamed me for not telling her it's too small in the beginning. ( i can't and my superior can't also, because 2D & 3D thing will give you different perceptions). And the template that anyone of us has made, does not mean that it'll be approved straight away.
After i disapproved, she said she want to cancel this activity. She said that she wanted to change to another craft. This is not the first time. Whatever she cannot find or did not make an effort to look for it or people disapprove it, she will tend to cancel it. I really hate this frankly. What kind of attitude is this? A 40 plus year- old lady does things like this? After she walked away, she started scolding me. She even accused me to purposely trick her and make her fall into my trap! Oh man, i started crying when i heard this. I really cried. This is the first time i cried like this at my work place.
My boss was there. She came in to comfort me. She even brought her in to talk about it. She kept on accusing me. She said she was disappointed with me. She said i did not spend time discussing with her (which i did). I left after i knew that my superior took over. Then she changed, she said that i can't make decision. I wanted my superior's opinion because both centers will be using it. So if we both can determine a size then it'll make things easier. Then she said
i purposely set trap for her. I was so darn busy, where in the world do i have time to set trap for her? Man, what is this?! Then she blamed me for
not respecting her. I don't see how i did not respect her.
After a while my superior came back. My boss asked her in to the room and asked for her opinion about the bird template. She said the same thing as i'd said and she even emphasized that first template may not be approved straight away, may need to do a few times because of changes. My boss said the same thing. The best part was she cried. I could not understand why she cried when we were discussing about the matter. When she was scolding me outside the room, i cried alone. I did not even go out to scold her back. Why was she crying? I tried to Analise it this whole day.
All these happened before lunch. I went out of the room, i went to toilet. I cried until i stopped. Then i told myself i do not want to cry anymore. I want to talk to my other colleagues as usual and i hope so much that they won't avoid me because of i cried. But they did not avoid me.
I was on duty to share on God's word today. When i was in the toilet, i told God. I said, God let me share as what i had prepared. And it turned out to be fine. There were laughters and sharings from other colleagues. Hmmm... Then i got back to work. I still took my lunch. I fought with my sadness. I said i will eat even if i'm sad now. A lot of self talking.
After work, once i got into my car, i broke down again. Sigh... when i was in church during the prayer meet, that 2 opening songs i couldn't sing. Tears kept swelling. I swallowed it back. And during the sharing in small group, tears kept swelling again. Sigh...gotta swallow them back again. My head is in pain now. Sigh...but i was fine during the choir practice.
Sigh...a few reasons that she could throw tantrum like that:
1. PMS
2. Family has problem
3. Selfish because she wanted to complete her work fast.
4. Rigid, not flexible.
Sigh...very sad ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Early in the morning, that colleague asked me to choose a craft of a bird. Both centers needed it. So i'd chosen one and of course i'll acknowledge my superior and asked for her opinion whether to photostat the "bird" then cut. But i thought we can just trace it out and then make a template and see the outcome. So i suggested her to ask my superior. I was still in that picture. Once my superior agreed to trace it and she was teaching her how to do it, i walked away. I walked away not because i wanted to push everything to her. I walked away because i always do not like to have too many cook in a project. Plus i felt that i do not need to be there so i went to continue my work.
After a few hours, she came to me. She showed me the template while my superior went out. I was surprised to see that the template was that small. Because when we saw it, it was a 2D thing. But when it became 3D, it's too small for our children to handle. So i told her, " too small lar!" I even explained to her why i did not approve. She started her temper. She blamed me for not telling her it's too small in the beginning. ( i can't and my superior can't also, because 2D & 3D thing will give you different perceptions). And the template that anyone of us has made, does not mean that it'll be approved straight away.
After i disapproved, she said she want to cancel this activity. She said that she wanted to change to another craft. This is not the first time. Whatever she cannot find or did not make an effort to look for it or people disapprove it, she will tend to cancel it. I really hate this frankly. What kind of attitude is this? A 40 plus year- old lady does things like this? After she walked away, she started scolding me. She even accused me to purposely trick her and make her fall into my trap! Oh man, i started crying when i heard this. I really cried. This is the first time i cried like this at my work place.
My boss was there. She came in to comfort me. She even brought her in to talk about it. She kept on accusing me. She said she was disappointed with me. She said i did not spend time discussing with her (which i did). I left after i knew that my superior took over. Then she changed, she said that i can't make decision. I wanted my superior's opinion because both centers will be using it. So if we both can determine a size then it'll make things easier. Then she said
i purposely set trap for her. I was so darn busy, where in the world do i have time to set trap for her? Man, what is this?! Then she blamed me for
not respecting her. I don't see how i did not respect her.
After a while my superior came back. My boss asked her in to the room and asked for her opinion about the bird template. She said the same thing as i'd said and she even emphasized that first template may not be approved straight away, may need to do a few times because of changes. My boss said the same thing. The best part was she cried. I could not understand why she cried when we were discussing about the matter. When she was scolding me outside the room, i cried alone. I did not even go out to scold her back. Why was she crying? I tried to Analise it this whole day.
All these happened before lunch. I went out of the room, i went to toilet. I cried until i stopped. Then i told myself i do not want to cry anymore. I want to talk to my other colleagues as usual and i hope so much that they won't avoid me because of i cried. But they did not avoid me.
I was on duty to share on God's word today. When i was in the toilet, i told God. I said, God let me share as what i had prepared. And it turned out to be fine. There were laughters and sharings from other colleagues. Hmmm... Then i got back to work. I still took my lunch. I fought with my sadness. I said i will eat even if i'm sad now. A lot of self talking.
After work, once i got into my car, i broke down again. Sigh... when i was in church during the prayer meet, that 2 opening songs i couldn't sing. Tears kept swelling. I swallowed it back. And during the sharing in small group, tears kept swelling again. Sigh...gotta swallow them back again. My head is in pain now. Sigh...but i was fine during the choir practice.
Sigh...a few reasons that she could throw tantrum like that:
1. PMS
2. Family has problem
3. Selfish because she wanted to complete her work fast.
4. Rigid, not flexible.
Sigh...very sad ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
03 December 2007
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