Not offended but thanks!

Thanks for you comments. Not offended at all for I've already known all that you have said. Read that from a book called How to Act Right When Our Spouse Acts Wrong and some other books. I'll tell people the same thing as well when i can think straight. Hahaha... But when you are in that situation you might think differently. Just like the stories I've heard from you guys. If i were you no matter how closed i am with that friend, I'll find opportunity to tell how i feel. i find it easy but you find it hard. you see? It's like people know God is good but they just can't accept Him. And like people who knows bible very well but they just can't do what God is asking them to do. The most important thing is we tried and we are still trying. I think show faces is a very spontaneous reaction (of course it's wrong). Especially towards some people who are real fake. Either I'll show faces or in fact most of the time I'll keep quiet when i see something which i do not quite like.

Em..maybe you misunderstood me. I hate it when those who judge me are Christians. And i found that we are influenced by what the bible called weeds in the kingdom. I know we are still human. I cannot judge that they did not try to stay focus as well. I am just expressing my frustration towards this. And in fact i really know myself that's why when i feel that i myself cannot take it anymore I'll walk away so that I'll not be tempted to EXPLODE.

4 ways to handle temptation are:
1. Knows God's Word
2. Avoid the Temptation
3. Say NO
4. Run away.

I found myself in a bad situation so i better leave right? I made my choice but people may see it as mood swing you know. That's why i some times keep quiet suddenly. With or without problem my face is also like that, fierce and melancholic. Even your mum can show temper when she is not in good mood you know. When she does that I'll get very frustrated i do not understand why. Even though her temper was not towards me.

So it's a very normal thing. All i hope is no gossips( i think i cant avoid la). If really need to know ask m,though not on the spot, few days later when you think i feel better. They have a choice to gossip or not to also. I do not expect it from people who do not know me. Say all they want, i really do not care. I just expect those who knows me do it. And for my part yeah I've a choice too. I'm still trying.

You know, the most difficult moment is when you are making that choice. That struggle can kill. Let say when you are angry but you know you should not lose temper. But on the other hand you are too angry, you really feel like letting it off. That's the most dangerous moment where i always fall! Sigh...

That's what make me walk away, keep quiet or make some noises out of no where, talk nonsense excessively or insensitive towards jokes etc!

I should not expect anything from people, i should focus on God himself. Walking in his way and learn bit by bit on the way to eternity. Since the month your mum left, i learned a lot and gained a lot as well. Understanding between some people and me. Learned to calm myself and talk about the matter other days. I'm always a person who can't bear problem in relationships with anybody unsolved. But i am more able now after God's tough training.

Hahaha...i still remember the day we stayed in the office until very late. Since then i learned all these. Remember what i told you about one of my friends? And God used him to teach me.

And i talked to your mum the other day about what had happened years ago. This reinforced what God had taught me. Problems can't always be solved on the spot. It might take years. I guess our chat do help us in our work now and in future. I mean your mum and i.

With -ve Excitements

Phew...This week is really a bad week for me!!! I really hope the bad has gone and the good will come. What happened?? I met with an accident again. I'm tired of telling what had happened! In short, it's an accident! Quite angry about it. After the accident i took a day leave and i slept from 10am plus until 5pm. I just did not want to think about it anymore. Glad that my colleague offered me a lift to work. Glad that another colleague can send me home. After that i went swimming in the evening with a friend.

Hahaha...he commended this. He said," Wanwai, why your luck is so bad! Why you always met those weird weird people?" The first accident i met involved a taxi driver, this time i involved a Pakistanis lady and an Indonesia woker!!! I agreed, why every time i had to meet this kind of people in accident. SUCKS!!!

Anyway, after swimming i felt better. The next day i was down with fever. On and off fever. And just now when i was in night market i nearly fainted for no reason. I suspected myself with low blood pressure. Anyway, nothing serious also. Hmm..

But there are many things that i should rejoice also. My friend told me that only when he is with me,he can be himself. He said i will never let him feel stressed or pressured. Kind of happy, because that's the mission in my life. He is not the only person who said that. I think he is the 3rd person who said that.

Besides, my colleague told me a lot of her personal stuff and issues that she is facing. Or which she refused to face it or couldn't face it. She told me every detail. I do not know why she trusted me so much. She cried in front of me twice. Every time she told me very personal stuff she will ask me not to tell other people even the friend that is quite closed to her. She said even though she is so closed with her friend, she can never share that details with her. I'm honored to be her listener. And today she came back and told me that she was worrying the whole night and wondering why she told me so many of her personal issues. She was afraid that i might look down on her and gossip. I assured her that i will not tell anyone about it. Quite pressured to hold people's secret. hahaha...

Glad that people feel comfortable with me. I think this is the other side of me. Usually people will say i've mood swing. In fact i'm very unhappy about it. When i show faces, i'll have reasons. Sure there is a stimulant. I won't just throw tantrum without stimulant. At one time i was very low spirit because people has been judging me. They did not even try to find out what happened and just gossiping about me being mood swing.

There are many things i get very frustrated with and yet i can't do anything about it. I will keep quiet but if that person annoys me to the extend where i can't bear anymore i'll sure show faces or i'll just entertain that person. One thing good is i will not hold back anything. I'll still keep the ball rolling. If can i'll settle it, if can't i'll just wait or ask some other people to help me. Used to be very eager to solve problem and always very self conscious. i hate to create a situation where i lose my temper or scold people. I suffer after that. I can't bear to see people sad as well.


some people even those who has been working with me for years, they do not understand me. All they would say is "she is not in good mood, do not kacau!" And nobody will come to me and ask,"wanwai, are you okay?" I was really sad about it. That's why when i see my friends who seem not very good, i'll sure go find out their problems before i judge them for not being good mood or mood swing. It's really unfair to that person!"

I REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!! I DON'T HAVE MOOD SWING!!! MOOD SWING occurs when a person has hormonal imbalance!!! When i show frustration to my work without any further complaints please NOTE that i am just talking to myself or i just want to stimulate myself to move on!!! Just like when people can't fix a puzzles,they show frustrations!!! Just that I'm a bit EXTREME!!! yOU know what is SURPLUS behavior!!! Just like when some people get stressed up, they start eating!!!! Different people have different behaviors, ok!! Do not simply JUDGE!!!
Hello....!!!!!

Please ACCEPT me as I AM!!!


Sigh...I'm so tired of being judged! I can't help with my melancholic face! I can't help, i do not smile always!!! I'll smile or laugh when i feel like it! Do not always say i'm a bitter gourd!! I really hate it and i can't help it!!!

I'm actually very happy because the Lord is with me and He always provides and protects me!!!

You may say it's okay, let people say what they want! Yeah i agreed. But i've feelings! I mind at times. At times i do not care at all. I just feel that if we really care then show your cares and concerns instead of gossiping and judging!

sigh...Only God can understand what i'm talking about. And i'm sure He will bring me to a stage where i can handle all this thing totally according to His way for He had brought me to this stage where i can forgive people easily and i can let go a lot of things which i couldn't in the past! PTL...

Transformers

I finally watched TRANSFORMERS!!!!
Hmm..i fell in love with the Autobots..u know wut? i liked it when Optimus Prime said to his members, he said no matter how, we shall not hurt the human beings..remember, when Bumble bee was caught by the Section 7 people? Hmm..And he even said if he cant fight with Megatron, he will sacrifice himself by putting the cube into his chest!!

i really loved the way he sacrificed himself for others' sake. Hmm..If i were him, would i be able to sacrifice myself for others? I really don't know. Do not talk about others, what about God? can we sacrifice for God's sake? Not in all area right? I think many of us can, but with at least some grumbles. hahaha...that's bad right? Guess we can't help because we are still human and we are not perfect. However, let's not keep using this as an excuse but to try our best to give than to receive.

Another thing is i felt that it's cool to have those cars... Hahaha...real COOL!!! They are like your closest friend who know what you really want and give you a hand when you need any. how many of us can have such friends who really understand us.

I gotta get into my bed. i had bad sleep last night!!! Thanks to the dogs!!! Sucks!!!