Phew...This week is really a bad week for me!!! I really hope the bad has gone and the good will come. What happened?? I met with an accident again. I'm tired of telling what had happened! In short, it's an accident! Quite angry about it. After the accident i took a day leave and i slept from 10am plus until 5pm. I just did not want to think about it anymore. Glad that my colleague offered me a lift to work. Glad that another colleague can send me home. After that i went swimming in the evening with a friend.
Hahaha...he commended this. He said," Wanwai, why your luck is so bad! Why you always met those weird weird people?" The first accident i met involved a taxi driver, this time i involved a Pakistanis lady and an Indonesia woker!!! I agreed, why every time i had to meet this kind of people in accident. SUCKS!!!
Anyway, after swimming i felt better. The next day i was down with fever. On and off fever. And just now when i was in night market i nearly fainted for no reason. I suspected myself with low blood pressure. Anyway, nothing serious also. Hmm..
But there are many things that i should rejoice also. My friend told me that only when he is with me,he can be himself. He said i will never let him feel stressed or pressured. Kind of happy, because that's the mission in my life. He is not the only person who said that. I think he is the 3rd person who said that.
Besides, my colleague told me a lot of her personal stuff and issues that she is facing. Or which she refused to face it or couldn't face it. She told me every detail. I do not know why she trusted me so much. She cried in front of me twice. Every time she told me very personal stuff she will ask me not to tell other people even the friend that is quite closed to her. She said even though she is so closed with her friend, she can never share that details with her. I'm honored to be her listener. And today she came back and told me that she was worrying the whole night and wondering why she told me so many of her personal issues. She was afraid that i might look down on her and gossip. I assured her that i will not tell anyone about it. Quite pressured to hold people's secret. hahaha...
Glad that people feel comfortable with me. I think this is the other side of me. Usually people will say i've mood swing. In fact i'm very unhappy about it. When i show faces, i'll have reasons. Sure there is a stimulant. I won't just throw tantrum without stimulant. At one time i was very low spirit because people has been judging me. They did not even try to find out what happened and just gossiping about me being mood swing.
There are many things i get very frustrated with and yet i can't do anything about it. I will keep quiet but if that person annoys me to the extend where i can't bear anymore i'll sure show faces or i'll just entertain that person. One thing good is i will not hold back anything. I'll still keep the ball rolling. If can i'll settle it, if can't i'll just wait or ask some other people to help me. Used to be very eager to solve problem and always very self conscious. i hate to create a situation where i lose my temper or scold people. I suffer after that. I can't bear to see people sad as well.
some people even those who has been working with me for years, they do not understand me. All they would say is "she is not in good mood, do not kacau!" And nobody will come to me and ask,"wanwai, are you okay?" I was really sad about it. That's why when i see my friends who seem not very good, i'll sure go find out their problems before i judge them for not being good mood or mood swing. It's really unfair to that person!"
I REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!! I DON'T HAVE MOOD SWING!!! MOOD SWING occurs when a person has hormonal imbalance!!! When i show frustration to my work without any further complaints please NOTE that i am just talking to myself or i just want to stimulate myself to move on!!! Just like when people can't fix a puzzles,they show frustrations!!! Just that I'm a bit EXTREME!!! yOU know what is SURPLUS behavior!!! Just like when some people get stressed up, they start eating!!!! Different people have different behaviors, ok!! Do not simply JUDGE!!!
Hello....!!!!!
Please ACCEPT me as I AM!!!
Sigh...I'm so tired of being judged! I can't help with my melancholic face! I can't help, i do not smile always!!! I'll smile or laugh when i feel like it! Do not always say i'm a bitter gourd!! I really hate it and i can't help it!!!
I'm actually very happy because the Lord is with me and He always provides and protects me!!!
You may say it's okay, let people say what they want! Yeah i agreed. But i've feelings! I mind at times. At times i do not care at all. I just feel that if we really care then show your cares and concerns instead of gossiping and judging!
sigh...Only God can understand what i'm talking about. And i'm sure He will bring me to a stage where i can handle all this thing totally according to His way for He had brought me to this stage where i can forgive people easily and i can let go a lot of things which i couldn't in the past! PTL...
1 comment:
I know how it feels like when u think ppl judge u. But do bear in mind that sometimes when ppl say u're in a bad mood, it's not that ppl judge u. It's just the fact which they see. And no matter how much u might not like it, whatever u show on the surface will be wat ppl percieve. U should not generalize and say that everyone judges u when they notice ur supposedly "mood swings" for isn't it ur own fault for showing a negative countenance upfront? Eventhough u might have reasons but does those reasons license u to show ur faces? Does it mean that cuz there's a stimulant, we can show our tantrums? And sometimes it's rather difficult to approach a person with a "black face" to ask "how're u?" or "are ya ok?" rite? In fact, most times, u might mean good by showing concern but end up getting "leave me alone!" or "go away!" as responses. So who's to know whether or not u'll allow probing or might juz shunt them away? And the fact that u admit that u might be extreme at times and have surplus behaviors obviously shows that u have a problem with emotional control!
Sometimes, reality is cruel! In fact, it's ALWAYS cruel! Asking ppl to accept who you are is something really impossible as only God can do that! No matter how much we strive to be godly, we are still human and in the end, we will always judge others and in turn be judged by others. And saying that u can't help it merely pushes the blame onto circumstances which many a times can be decided by our own actions and decisions. We can always help it! We can always make choices! We can always choose to CHANGE! Though changing takes extreme effort and a long time, but like u said, God is with u and will definitely help u change if only u would allow Him to.
If u've felt offended with anything i've said here, i sincerely apologize. These are only my personal opinions about the matter. And dun worry, i'm not judging u...at least not at this moment...lol...we'll leave that to the Lord!
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