I felt like crying since last night. I did not know why. Even today I also have the same feeling. I was trying to identify my feelings. Sorry to those whom I showed my mood to especially you, darling. Sigh... I did not mean it. I know something went wrong in me which I tried to ignore and tried to be optimistic. That is really not me. Some how, crying helped.
Lately, my workplace came an aunt who is attached to our center sent by Dr. Shanmugam from Hospital Fatimah. Last two days, she was assigned to help in the branch which is where I'm working now. She always praises me to be capable to keep the center in order, to keep the programme running and so on. She said I'm pretty and young looking. In short, she praised me a lot. She is 41 years old.
We chatted quite a lot of general things. I think maybe she received stress from people from the HQ. Some people there were gossipping about other people in the center. She couldn't take it that's why she indirectly told me about it. When I heard her saying that she will not let her ears lead her or influence her, I already knew what was she trying to say. But i did not make any comment.
During lunch time, again she made the same comment and I guess she found me trustworthy or she felt comfortable talking to me about that issue. She indirectly talked more about it. Sigh... So I told her not to calculate with sick people. That colleague is having depression and another one is... I do not know how to describe also. Sigh... She also knew that she has depression. So we both agreed not to calculate. Another colleague told her about another colleague as well. And they both talked about me too. They said my "boss'' favour me more and etc. The first day she came that colleague already gossips about others. Sigh... They also bad mouth my "boss". Sigh...
I think this the thing that is bothering me now. I feel very disappointed. They are not kids, they are adults. How can they do that? How can they mislead people? I'm very upset to have such colleagues. Sigh... I'm not bothered by what they talked about me but I'm upset because of their intention to hurt me. Sigh... Why do I still work there after so much stress and tedious issues? I did think of leaving since last year. But there is no other opening that convinces me to do that. Money factor? No, I'm not earning much from this job too. Just that I enjoy it minus all those jealousy and gossips. Haiz... Tired!
Another thing that just happened was I scolded a friend. My restlessness plus heard a lot of stuff that this person commented on other people. I misunderstood (maybe) that this person did the same again. I apologised after I got home. Hope that person already forgive me. I really hate myself for being such a harsh person. Sigh... I feel like dying! What am I here for?
01 November 2008
Study Again Soon?
I've been thinking of going back to study soon. I really hope I'll be able to do it. I hope I'll be able to cope with work and studies. I also hope that God will provide me with financial needs and wisdom and course mates that are helpful and encouraging.
My case is a bit different from my friends. I did not go into Form 6 in order to get myself into local universities. Instead, I chose a tough road which I realised it only now. I was too naive then that I did not know how to plan for my future. While I was waiting for my SPM result, I found a job at New Horizons Society which serves Special Children from age 0 to 6 years old. Before that I was actually looking for a job which is similar to NH work, it was also about children. However, during school holidays, no kindergartens are opened. So I cancelled the plan. My mum encouraged to try our New Horizons which Wan Keen was attending then. So, after the interview, I started my work. But during those time, I was having a lot of trips and other gatherings with friends. So I took a lot of leaves. Hehe...
After I got my result, I discussed with my "boss", I couldn't remember our conversation, and how she introduced an Early Childhood Education course to me. It was a Diploma course and yes, I took it up. The center sponsored me and my mum did not need to spend a single penny on me since then. I wasn't a Christian then. But it is a Christian Organisation. Weird enough, the committees were willing to send me :) My course started in May that year if I'm not mistaken. I was converted in July and I started my relationship with Kok Ming in August. My life suddenly changed. It was during that time I learned a lot of things. A lot of problems came to my life that changed me.
I worked and studied for 2 years and then I went to Singapore to attend a WeCan Conference and visited a few organisations in Singapore. I'm not sure but maybe I stopped studying for a year and I continued another course at USM Penang. I enjoyed the course very much as I love Penang and I had a few non- Chinese buddies there. I stopped another year then only attended the second level of the Special Education course. Again I enjoyed myself there and I had a few non- Chinese buddies again.
Until now I stopped studying for 2 years already. I cannot apply for local universities as I did not sit for STPM. The USM course was supposed to be a bridge for me to get into it. Now I heard that they do not have Special Education there anymore. There goes my USM. Early of this year, I had been looking for open "doors" or "windows". I've not stopped praying about it as well. Some how, I found a place which would accept me, that is OUM (Open University Malaysia). I went to the Edu Fair with my sis and took the information that I need. I started to read their website. I do not want to get any diplomas, I wanna go straight to a degree course but some how, the course that I took last time is not recognised by MCQ, formerly known as LAN. I got worried and bugged Kok Ming to go to their center with me.
I recognised it as God answered prayer because He give a way out for me in order to study Special Education. I doubted because my certificates are not recognised by MCQ. Sigh... Finally we went to confirm about it and the officer said I just need a recommendation from my "boss" and my SPM. I really hope that this is from God but not my own because I want it. If it's from God, I do not have to be afraid of anything. He will surely lay my path straight. Hmm... If it's from myself, I'll strive hard!
I need 5 years to complete, then only can get what I wanted. By then, I'm not sure I'll have the energy to study. It's tough really! But the good thing is, I've a God to depend to.
1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.
My case is a bit different from my friends. I did not go into Form 6 in order to get myself into local universities. Instead, I chose a tough road which I realised it only now. I was too naive then that I did not know how to plan for my future. While I was waiting for my SPM result, I found a job at New Horizons Society which serves Special Children from age 0 to 6 years old. Before that I was actually looking for a job which is similar to NH work, it was also about children. However, during school holidays, no kindergartens are opened. So I cancelled the plan. My mum encouraged to try our New Horizons which Wan Keen was attending then. So, after the interview, I started my work. But during those time, I was having a lot of trips and other gatherings with friends. So I took a lot of leaves. Hehe...
After I got my result, I discussed with my "boss", I couldn't remember our conversation, and how she introduced an Early Childhood Education course to me. It was a Diploma course and yes, I took it up. The center sponsored me and my mum did not need to spend a single penny on me since then. I wasn't a Christian then. But it is a Christian Organisation. Weird enough, the committees were willing to send me :) My course started in May that year if I'm not mistaken. I was converted in July and I started my relationship with Kok Ming in August. My life suddenly changed. It was during that time I learned a lot of things. A lot of problems came to my life that changed me.
I worked and studied for 2 years and then I went to Singapore to attend a WeCan Conference and visited a few organisations in Singapore. I'm not sure but maybe I stopped studying for a year and I continued another course at USM Penang. I enjoyed the course very much as I love Penang and I had a few non- Chinese buddies there. I stopped another year then only attended the second level of the Special Education course. Again I enjoyed myself there and I had a few non- Chinese buddies again.
Until now I stopped studying for 2 years already. I cannot apply for local universities as I did not sit for STPM. The USM course was supposed to be a bridge for me to get into it. Now I heard that they do not have Special Education there anymore. There goes my USM. Early of this year, I had been looking for open "doors" or "windows". I've not stopped praying about it as well. Some how, I found a place which would accept me, that is OUM (Open University Malaysia). I went to the Edu Fair with my sis and took the information that I need. I started to read their website. I do not want to get any diplomas, I wanna go straight to a degree course but some how, the course that I took last time is not recognised by MCQ, formerly known as LAN. I got worried and bugged Kok Ming to go to their center with me.
I recognised it as God answered prayer because He give a way out for me in order to study Special Education. I doubted because my certificates are not recognised by MCQ. Sigh... Finally we went to confirm about it and the officer said I just need a recommendation from my "boss" and my SPM. I really hope that this is from God but not my own because I want it. If it's from God, I do not have to be afraid of anything. He will surely lay my path straight. Hmm... If it's from myself, I'll strive hard!
I need 5 years to complete, then only can get what I wanted. By then, I'm not sure I'll have the energy to study. It's tough really! But the good thing is, I've a God to depend to.
1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.
31 October 2008
BBQ Fun
Wow, I just came back from a BBQ fun. I had bad days from Monday to Wednesday. Some people around me were comforting me by saying I'll have a fun day tonight so press on. However, I told them I may not have the mood to BBQ. I shared my problems with a friend and she said she'll pray for me.
On Tuesday I was having a heavy load of work. On Wednesday, it was a boring day. I shared it or updated my friend on Tuesday or Wednesday, I forgot. She prayed for me after hearing my sharing. On Thursday, God sent an "angel" to help in the center so that we would not be too busy and tired. Thursday and Friday were lighter and happier and true enough, I looked forward for the BBQ night and I enjoyed it.
I still remember, when my spirit is low, I have the desire to go steamboat and/ or BBQ. After that I'll become happier. Maybe this activity is relaxing and I'll have lots of good food that I can enjoy, so I kinda let off all the frustration and unhappiness during that time. Always feel happier after doing these activities.
Thanks for organising it and thanks for praying Wan Li! I appreciated it very much!
On Tuesday I was having a heavy load of work. On Wednesday, it was a boring day. I shared it or updated my friend on Tuesday or Wednesday, I forgot. She prayed for me after hearing my sharing. On Thursday, God sent an "angel" to help in the center so that we would not be too busy and tired. Thursday and Friday were lighter and happier and true enough, I looked forward for the BBQ night and I enjoyed it.
I still remember, when my spirit is low, I have the desire to go steamboat and/ or BBQ. After that I'll become happier. Maybe this activity is relaxing and I'll have lots of good food that I can enjoy, so I kinda let off all the frustration and unhappiness during that time. Always feel happier after doing these activities.
Thanks for organising it and thanks for praying Wan Li! I appreciated it very much!
29 October 2008
Very Random
TL: Hey, free to go yum cha tomorrow night?
WW: Who will be going?
TL: Same old people la.
WW: Where?
TL: You have any suggestion?
WW: Erm...
TL: Old Town Kopitiam?
WW: Again?!!!
TL: If not?
WW: I also don't know. Okla, Old Town! It's no choice's choice!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Yeah, Old Town Kopitiam had been our hang out place. If we do not want to go expensive places or places without air- conditioner, this is the best choice after all. At least we know that what can we order and what are the things that are nice to drink and eat!
Haha... And the problem is we won't feel fed up even as we met so many times there. I've another upcoming meeting with primary school friends. If they ask me where to meet, I'll suggest the same place also. Hehe... Unless they have a better suggestion.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It's has been a hectic week for me. I've been covering the work for my colleagues for almost 3 weeks in a row. I'm really feeling very tired. I do not feel like going to work but I've no choice and I can't lie to be sick and get MC from Kok Ming. I really can't do that. I can only pray for strength from the Lord and I forsee hectic months ahead! When are these going to end?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My geese are growing very fast. They are very "ganas". If you tap on their heads, they will chase you. When they chase me, even thought they they as small as my feet, I screamed like mad. Haha... I think I'm very afraid of their beaks and their legs. I'll never touch those parts. I can't imagine when they grow to be mature geese. Where would I stand then? It's my house Ok? But they would overtake my place at home! I'll fear them instead of they fear me. Sigh...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It's a boring day. But still praise God for a safe and peaceful day!
WW: Who will be going?
TL: Same old people la.
WW: Where?
TL: You have any suggestion?
WW: Erm...
TL: Old Town Kopitiam?
WW: Again?!!!
TL: If not?
WW: I also don't know. Okla, Old Town! It's no choice's choice!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Yeah, Old Town Kopitiam had been our hang out place. If we do not want to go expensive places or places without air- conditioner, this is the best choice after all. At least we know that what can we order and what are the things that are nice to drink and eat!
Haha... And the problem is we won't feel fed up even as we met so many times there. I've another upcoming meeting with primary school friends. If they ask me where to meet, I'll suggest the same place also. Hehe... Unless they have a better suggestion.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It's has been a hectic week for me. I've been covering the work for my colleagues for almost 3 weeks in a row. I'm really feeling very tired. I do not feel like going to work but I've no choice and I can't lie to be sick and get MC from Kok Ming. I really can't do that. I can only pray for strength from the Lord and I forsee hectic months ahead! When are these going to end?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My geese are growing very fast. They are very "ganas". If you tap on their heads, they will chase you. When they chase me, even thought they they as small as my feet, I screamed like mad. Haha... I think I'm very afraid of their beaks and their legs. I'll never touch those parts. I can't imagine when they grow to be mature geese. Where would I stand then? It's my house Ok? But they would overtake my place at home! I'll fear them instead of they fear me. Sigh...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It's a boring day. But still praise God for a safe and peaceful day!
27 October 2008
Talking about goose...
Talking about goose. Today a bunch of us went to Shakey's Pizza. We were not satisfied with the food at Shakey's and the service as well so we went to Ding Hao right after that. We were discussing about some problems. As usual I sat there listening and observing. There's this person that we know, who is very good at shooting people with words. I think none of us can beat this person and I definitely can't. So a goose popped up to my mind.
But some times when we were not in the mood and when we have to distribute work to others and when they are late to finish the task given, we will nag them and push them like a goose. I really feel that some times our attitude can be like a goose. Then my imagination went wild, my mum and dad also behave like a goose. They ask me to drink this and that, they ask me not to do this and that. I'm also a goose, I keep ordering Wan Keen to do this and that and not to do this and that. Some times to my colleagues as well. Hahaha...
"Quack, quack, quack!" Are you a goose too?
But some times when we were not in the mood and when we have to distribute work to others and when they are late to finish the task given, we will nag them and push them like a goose. I really feel that some times our attitude can be like a goose. Then my imagination went wild, my mum and dad also behave like a goose. They ask me to drink this and that, they ask me not to do this and that. I'm also a goose, I keep ordering Wan Keen to do this and that and not to do this and that. Some times to my colleagues as well. Hahaha...
"Quack, quack, quack!" Are you a goose too?
Sob Sob
Guess what are these? Hahaha... You may say they are 
my mum bought 2 baby geese for Rm 100. Expensive yes. It's very hard to find do you know that? They spent for about a month to get these 2 funny thing.
Any animals that stand on two legs are threatening to me! When my mum got them back home. I screamed like h***. I'm really very scared of them though they are still so small. Sigh... My future will be very tough at home with these two ugly thing at home.
Sigh... What to do, there have been a lot of snakes around my home. So we can only "bela" these funny thing to prevent snake and to catch snake. Sigh... I DON"T WANNA GO HOME!!!
ducklings. No, you are wrong! They are baby geese. Yeah,
my mum bought 2 baby geese for Rm 100. Expensive yes. It's very hard to find do you know that? They spent for about a month to get these 2 funny thing.
Any animals that stand on two legs are threatening to me! When my mum got them back home. I screamed like h***. I'm really very scared of them though they are still so small. Sigh... My future will be very tough at home with these two ugly thing at home.
Sigh... What to do, there have been a lot of snakes around my home. So we can only "bela" these funny thing to prevent snake and to catch snake. Sigh... I DON"T WANNA GO HOME!!!
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