T.T

I am really emotional tonight. The plan was to continue my report at 8pm. Until now I am still not doing it. My emotion is really disturbed. I thought of the student who passed away a few months which now only I knew. I thought of her mother who passed away last year too... This add on to my emo night...

I feel that I am just so helpless. I have given my best, I have controled myself well enough. I really did. I have been patient enough even if it is over my limit. I swallow whatever that I do not like, whatever words that you used to tarnish me, whateve lies you told to me, whatever noise you make. I took it all. I accepted you as you are. My only request to you is not to create problems. I am really so tired. Can you just let me go. Sigh...

Sigh... Have I not done enough but to get this again and again? Sigh... Are you really learning? My boss called me in today to talk about something. Before she started she reminded me not to lose weight anymore, she said my face is getting thinner and thinner. How not to? I really don't know how not to... Not that I want. Who would want to be ugly?

Sigh... OH God, You know my name, You know my everthing. You know every struggle that I am going through. Please take charge of me, I believe Lord, I believe that You will be there for me. Yes Lord, I need You so much. I really need strength and courage. Lord, help me not to run away, not to pressure myself. You know my heart, You know what I'm thinking. Lord, give me, give me bravery. Lord please take it away! I'm broken. Heal me Lord!!! Keep me under Your wings and hold me tight. I'm feeling so insecure. I'm really so afraid. Take me! T.T

set me free Lord.