Today I showed my frustration to her again. To her, yes! This happened because of the monthly programme again. I got frustrated because she always wants to have the last word and she always wants to involve other people when anyone questions her. She likes to fight back. She assumed i'll remember things for her again and again. I'd warned her the last time, "Do not assume!" I give suggestion and i will not remember it, things that were not confirmed i will not remember. I've so many things to think and remember. I am quite busy these few months. Sigh...why can't she use her common sense a bit?
I've never seen such a selfish person. She is a kind who want to finish her stuff fast and never think of other people's situation. She kept chasing me not only me, but others to get her things done. I really can't bear. This is her PERSONALITY!!! Sigh...
Frankly, i always felt bad when i lost my temper. Everyday, i see her and whenever she speaks, she will make people feel uncomfortable until at one time, she made one of colleagues cried! I really can't bear. Last night, i was not able to sleep well because i was trying to identify my feelings toward her. Do i hate her? Or because i still can't accept her?
In my head, i know i have to accept but when i see her, i want to avoid her. Sigh...i just don't know what i want to do with her. How should i treat her? What i mentioned above are only part of the stories, there are more unacceptable stories but i don't want to tell. In short, she just made me feel very uneasy.
There were many times she painted many different pictures to different people just to protect herself. She nearly caused division between me and my boss. Thank God we have the quiet understanding. Last night i sms my boss, i said i need to talk to her to settle the issue in me. I couldn't identify my feelings towards her.
So this morning we talked and i told her my feelings. She said some times she does have these feelings as well but we need to use our wisdom. When there is a need to tell her off, gotta do it. If there's nothing we can do to change her way, we have to change. If she doesn't want to change and can't see her problem we can't do anything. Nobody can help. Not even God. I'm reading this book called " Six steps to Emotional Freedom". The author said, God will not just heal us like that because He wants us to go through the process. We need to move out from our comfort zone. If He just heal us than we won't learn anything.
hmmm... i agreed! Sigh...i really hope that our relationship will get better. If you ask me whether i love her, Frankly, i love her. If she has any problem, my heart will go out for her. I tried to be her listener, her son's tutor, a good leader, but i think i still failed. Sigh...Why? That's why i don't want to be a leader. I hate to be a leader but God has been preparing me. Since the day i started working. Sigh...
I learned not to justify things. Let the truth reveal by itself. Let the people around me discover me by themselves. Though they may see me negatively. They may pass false judgment on me. I do not need to justify. And i found out that, justifying is a very selfish act. We want to justify because we want to protect ourselves. Go back to God and He will be our comfort. He will surely be there for us.
i must make sure i'll be able to control myself. My emotion. Sorry Vincent, sorry Arthur. Sorry for frightening you guys!
Thanks for cheering me up this evening!!! You guys are great! You guys really spiced up my life :)
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