I'm in Indonesia :)

Oh man, I've been here in Indonesia for 3 days. I'm having great time here. I met a lot of people that are so fervent in serving God. I met people who can praise God so gladly and so sincerely. I really feel so ashamed of my faith. Sigh...

Yeah, having great time but still I know there is something in my heart that I need to settle. Some of the time really felt that I can hardly focus on God, it could be because of new environment and it could be because of the way of they worship is different from us. I really admire their way of praising God and trusting God. They are so true and so real. Sigh...

You Are My All In All

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel

Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God

Worthy is your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising up now I'll bless your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down, you pick me up

When I am dry, you fill my cup

You are my all in all

When we were singing this song just now, I finally realised that at the end of the day, the only one who will not abandon me forever is God.  He says He loves me, He meant and still mean it.  He will be with me till the end of time and still He will be with me after the end of time.  It's the true everlasting love.  

A couple maybe in love now, but this love is not going to last.  Some years down the road, there maybe problems, with those problems, the couple  may start drifting apart from each other.  Unforgiveness, hurts, tears will separate them forever.  Even friendships are not everlasting.  One day, we will leave this earth.  Tears swelled when I finally realised that He is the one I need most right now.  The One whom will do what He has promised.  

Most of us are like NATO ( No Action, Talk Only) especially when comes to handling emotions.  One minute, we will be able to think straight, another minute, we mess up what we think we have already thought through.  We contradict ourselves at times.  But God will never ever do that to us.  He mean what He says and He does what He says.  No matter how flowery our words can be when we express our love to some one, when situations or unhappiness come, we change our minds.  I'm struggling hard to do things, to love, to care like how Jesus did!  

I know what I'm talking about.  It maybe a bit disorganised as I wrote whatever that comes to my mind.  I just felt like blogging it...

 

My Heart Is Far From You

Mark 7: 6

He replied," Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 

This verse really struck me when my colleague was reading this passage.  The feeling was like being slapped on the face.  Oh well, yeah, I can tell people how great is God, how He had been and still blessing me, but viewing on my attitude toward things, people, relationships and work, truly, my heart is far from Him.  I have been doing things against His will.  I maybe ruining a bright and purposeful future that He has planned for me.  A lot of temptations came and still are coming my way.  I failed to keep myself away from those temptations.  Sigh... In short, keeping myself on the right path really is a struggle.  O God, help me flee from it.  

Wish You Jesus

I could wish you joy and peace

To last a whole life long

I could wish you sunshine

Or a cheerful little song

Or wish you all the happiness

That this life could bring

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

More than anything

I could wish you leaves of gold

And may your path be smooth

I could wish you treasures

Or that all your dreams come true

And I could wish you paradise

That everyday be spring

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

I've wished you everything

'Cause when I wish you Jesus 

I wish you everything

I'm Telling You Now

I copied this image from KM's blog.  It was one of his posts too.  I bet most people had read it.  Yeah, this has been bothering me quite a lot.  What if I'm really caught up in this situation where my friend and I meet with an accident and while we are waiting to find out if we are dead, an angel turns up to me and wants to bring me to heaven while my beloved friend is left alone and soon being caught by an "officer" from Hell.  Yeah, surely he/ she will blame me for not sharing the gospel to him/ her.  Sigh... It's a difficult thing to do as it's quite a sensitive issue.  Well, I could be giving an excuse.  But I won't hide my identity.  Yes, I'm a Christian.  

God's love, God's faithful, God's good.  There is none other people that I know/ knew on earth would do what God had done and still doing for me and for His sons and daughters.  He provides my needs, giving me a heart to love even to person who hurt me badly.  Ability to stay strong when I'm weak, ability to overcome fear and many more.  I wish you (who are yet to find out who this God is) Jesus.  I hope one day we will share the same faith and share the same vision and mission in our lives.  May God reveal Himself to you so that you will also be saved by this Super Hero, a Hero that nobody on this earth can replace.  Not spiderman, not superman, not batman.  He is Jesus!  

Keep on doing what you know is right

Dedicating a song to my friends, my loved ones and whoever that are striving to do what is right.  Well, I do not know how to sing this song.  I found this when I was preparing a song list for worship.  The night before that, a friend was pouring out to me how much struggle it is to stay strong and to do what we know is right.  

Here it goes:

Don't grow weary in doing well

Don't surrender in the fight

Keep on storming 

The gates of Hell

Keep on doing what you know is right

For there will be 

Seasons of testing

And there may be

Weeping for a night

But soon we'll be

Reaping the blessing

If we keep pressing on

Toward the prize

Keep on praying in the Spirit

Keep on walking in the Light

Don't be fearful or discouraged

Keep on doing 

What you know is right

Stay strong my friends, you are not alone!

Things Happen for Reasons

2 things happened strangely lately.  

1.  I brought  my laptop to church for no reason.  However, the people there needed it which i did not expect it to happen.  According to one of them, I was led by the Spirit.

2.  Every time I banked in cheque, I did not write things that are required at the back of it.  But few days ago, I banked in my cheque and I did not know why I was so hard working, i wrote all the things that are required at the back of it.  This morning, I received a call from bank, said that the date of my cheque was wrong and I was asked to collect it.  I answered the call when I was not supposed to as I was having class, just so happened that I went in to office and my phone was vibrating.  

I just felt that things happened for reasons.  Many things happen in life.  Some times we really cannot see the reason behind it especially when we are trying to strive on.  Maybe we should stop asking why and try to enjoy the process of getting to know why.  

March

It's the last week of February now.  I'm taking a deep breathe to welcome March.  Sigh... I really need to commit myself, my whole self to God.  I have been questioning myself if the same thing is gonna happen to the same person when we start working together again.  I hope for change desperately.  *inhale* 

I thank God for the break that I had from that person since January though.   

Oh God, I'm really afraid.  I need self control when I have contact with this person.  I do not want to know how she tries to defend herself.  I do not want to be too smart to sense the lies, the excuses that she's gonna give.  Oh God please, help me through, guide me when it comes to me.  Show me the right way to settle problems, help me to be brave, help me handle my stress properly!  I'm so afraid.  Oh my dear Father, keep me in Your arms, the warmest, the most secured One that nobody can ever provide.  Father, tell me that I can do it.  I need You so much!  

Elim Gospel Hall's New Building

It's amazing how it grows so fast!!!  It has got 4 walls now... Though it's still in the process.  Our group's first project will be in this hall :)  I kinda can't wait for it to complete!  It's really amazing.  

Toothpaste= Giant

I've a child who dislikes brushing his teeth with toothpaste.  Being the naughty teacher, I gotta let him try by forcing it into his mouth.  The same method may not work for every child.  I know him and I hope to help him overcome.  So... I asked my colleague to hold his arms and I helped him brush.  He's an Autistic child by the way.  

We did the same thing twice.  The third time, when I brought him to brush his teeth, he was actually anticipating me to squeeze the toothpaste on his toothbrush and he opened his mouth for me to brush.  I was so happy.  I was so glad that he had overcome his fear.  Of course after every trials we praised him for being so brave and for being so good boy.  We praised him for being hygienic too.  

Looking at him reminded me of facing the giants in life.  We are challenged everyday.  Some challenges are really hard to take.  Using toothpaste to brush teeth maybe a giant for my kid.  With help and bravery, he overcame it.  It takes two to work too.  He was brave enough to struggle less.  He depended on us- teachers as well as himself.  We need somebody stronger to depend on too so that when we are trying to face our challenges, we are able to draw strength from the stronger ones, to be motivated, to be encouraged to press on.  

Have we found the stronger One and have we found the right friends that will help us move on? Are we those kind of friend who would motivate our friends and encourage our friends when they are challenged?  We need friends, we need each other.  Adam needed Eve.  I need you and you and you and you too.  

   

             

LCL

It was an easy day for me due to the intensive training for my new colleague. She gotta teach as much as possible for this two weeks, so most of my kids were passed to her today :) I was just overseeing the sessions. Hmm... Not boring though.

I felt ticklish when I tensed a kid up. He sighed many times and kept telling me that he cannot do. I timed him as he always daydreams. I was so happy that the timer worked for him. He was so afraid to see himself running out of time. And he completed his task on time :) But before he finished his work I laughed when I saw him tension, he must be thinking that I'm a pervert :P haha...

Some time I feel that children are afraid of non- living things- cane, rubber band etc, more than living things- parents and/ or teachers. Haha... Are parents and teachers not comparable to cane and timer and etc? That's why I do not use cane or ruler on my kids. I feel that the cane or ruler takes over my authority. It makes me feel useless :P Haha... Of course, there are more reasons/ facts to it.

People around me seem very into photographing. During CNY I went to my friend's friend's house together with 2 of my friends. There was a pair of twins who were into photographing. I think they were taking the opportunity to sharpern their skills.

As I was grabbing some of the photos from Facebook, I got a chance to look back at the photos in my collection. I observed myself in the photos especially those that was taken without me knowing it. I looked at myself, my expression and thanked those who took them. If not I wouldn't be able to see my expression when I talk, when I laugh, when I'm focus and when I'm lost.

This led me to feel thankful to those who pointed out my weaknesses, my reactions towards certain situations, my goodness, my successes and my foolishness. Without these comments, I wouldn't be who I am now. I wouldnt be able to learn and grow with confident. Thank God for all of you who had impacted my life, and inspired me to move on!

Another Closed Friend's Wed

I think there were too many cameras so all of us stared at different direction. I will not foret the whistle man. That camera man who wore a whistle to get ppl's attention when he is videoing.

SWEET :)

It's a time for us to gather together.

Haha... What is the fan doing there? It spoilt our picture!

AGJ 8368

This morning, I sent a friend to Public Bank located at Jalan Pasir Puteh. I had something to do over there as well. I parked my car right in front of PB. When I was done, i went back to my car and saw this <<<<<-----

A Myvi was blocking my way. I honked and honked for about 7 minutes, nobody came out. A lot of people stuck their heads out to see what happened. But not the owner.

After I honked a few more times, the owner came out from the bank. She walked so slowly as if she bought the road. When she came out, she did not show any guiltiness. She even took her time to check her co-driver side to see if there's any scratch! Oh man, I was getting so impatient. This aunty was fortunate enough, if it's not me, she will kena scold very badly! Sigh...

Happy or Grumpy?

It's a happy day
And I thank God for the weather
It's a happy day
I'm living it for my Lord
It's a happy day
Things are gonna get better
Living each day
By the promises
In God's Word

It's a grumpy day
And I can't stand the weather
It's a grumpy day
Living it for myself
It's a grumpy day
And things aren't gonna get better
Living each day
With the Bible on my shelf


I find it so difficult to sing this song on Wednesdays. Not every Wednesday of course. Some times some of my colleagues will choose this song. Imagine when your mood is so bad, and you are to sing this song. Well, you can choose to be quiet. Some how, it makes me feel weird. But this song also reminds me to thank God and to praise God no matter how my mood is. In all seasons, praise the Lord. The world is still beautiful and I trust that God will help each of us through especially when we are facing problems, be it relationships, work, or health.

Who Is My Neighbour?

Yesterday was my turn to share during our weekly devotion. Days before yesterday I already struggled as I did not know what to share. My own devotion with God is still not consistent. Until Wednesday I still couldn't find any topic. On Monday, I received Our Daily Journey with Jesus. My sister's copy. Since she is not back yet, I opened it and flipped it through.

I had been praying for inspiration, praying for the right topic to share. Finally "Who Is My Neighbour?" caught my attention. I read through and thought it was quite OK and I supposed I will be able to share something out of it. The references that were given was from Luke 10:29- 38. It was about the parable of the Good Samaritan.

Jesus started to tell this parable when a legal expert asked Jesus "Who is my neighbour?" in verse 29. The story goes like this.

There was a Jewish man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho and he was attacked by bandits. The bandits stripped him of his clothes and money, beat him up and left him half dead by the roadside. Then a Jewish priest came along, he was going to the temple; but when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side of the road. (Both of them were Jews). Then a despised Samaritan came along and when he saw the Jewish man, he felt deep pity. The Samaritan soothed his wound with medicine and bandage them. He took the man to an inn and paid the innkeeper and told him to take care of him. He even told the innkeeper that if what he had paid was not enough, he will pay again when he's back again.

Then Jesus asked the legal expert after telling the story. He asked,"Which of these 3 would you say was a neighbour to the man who was attacked by bandits." Of course the legal expert's answer was the same as us, the one who showed him mercy.

Being a neighbour has nothing to do with how near we live to others, or how similar our religion or race. Being a neighbour depends simply on our humanity- and on need. Anyone you or I come in contact with who has a need is our neighbour. And to love our neighbour means to care enough to reach out and help in anyway we can.- extracted from the devotional material

The Jewish priest may have saved many souls for the Lord when he preached. However, he couldn't see the immediate need of the Jewish man. They were of the same race but yet, he did not bother to lend his hand to him. How sad it is when we are on the same boat and yet, we keep fighting for attention, keep arguing, keep blaming each other and can't see our weaknesses.
( This thought came when I was driving my sis to school on Wednesday morning).

I posted 2 questions before I ended my sharing.
1. Are we gonna wait for people to help us (like the legal expert who asked who is my neighbour)
or are we gonna equip ourselves to help others?
2. Are we gonna stay here blaming each other or are we gonna move on to a higher ground to
help even more people around us?

After I reached my office that day, I found out that 2 of my colleagues had an argument. my boss was telling me about that matter and my eyes were teary. I felt so disappointed and I was thinking when is that gonna end. I do not know how to express my feelings even now. I just felt upset maybe. Or I was touched knowing that God chose the right topic for me to share. maybe too...

Well, I hope that God has already ministered to them. I can only keep praying for them.

I had a strange Wednesday. After sending sister to school and picked a new colleague from there. We started our journey to Canning Garden. We were early and we did not have keys. So we gotta wait outside. I thought since I've a company, why not we sit at that part. We each had a book. However, we ended up chatting. We were not only chatting among ourselves. There was another old lady meditating there. When she noticed us, she talked to us. She asked us about our work and she knew one of my colleagues.


After awhile, that old lady went home. Then came another old lady, said that she's working for government as a counselor. She said some times people will call to ask them where to get help when they have difficult children. She asked about our programme. We explained to her and gave her our contact number. She also asked me where to find those holiday camps for kids. And I introduce her to our church Holiday Club. I gave her my contact number and hopefully she will call me. I did not get to get her phone number as she kept talking.


It was just a visit to the park and we got to advertise our center and our church. She asked me how our church compound is so big and she also said that our church is a rich church. I should sit at the park more often :) haha...

Wonderfully, Fearfully & Purposefully Made

Oh my, it's been an emotional day for me! A day to face myself and to face God. I do not really know how to start the story. I just know that I want to write something about it.

I had a roller coaster year of 2008. I guess it had not been a smooth one. There were a lot of tests and challenges which required me to make the right choices, to have self- control, to handle stress in the right manner and to know that God will never forsake me. I failed almost all of them.

I started my holidays since 18th Dec 2008 until 1st Jan 2009. Before I started my holidays, I was already in bad shape. I was exhausted and I was fed- up with a lot of things. Basically I was fed- up with everything. I shared with one of my colleagues as she knew best of what I'd been going through. I'd gotten assurance from her but I was still living in anger. I couldn't forgive and I struggled. I tried to put on masks in front of everyone. I appeared to be fine. Well, if I hid myself neat enough. Sigh...

Due to my anger and frustration, I started to drift away from God. At one point, I felt that I was not qualified to continue this journey with God. I kinda decided not to attend church anymore. I was irritable at home and at work. I tried to avoid that person, I tried to flee from the existing problem. Since school holidays started, I had not been spending time with God. I did not pray, I did not do anything that is related to God besides being there during Christmas for the sake of it. Due to my problem, I was very afraid to meet people especially people that I know. Funny enough! *Shrug* I was too tired that I even thought of letting go of my relationship with KM. I felt that I really couldn't handle. (This will be another post.)

What did I do during my holidays? My sister was back from Uni. We went shopping, squash, badminton, movies and jogging. I went out almost everyday. I went out in the morning and back in the evening. At night I hang out with old friends as well. I was busy attending dinners and luncheons. That helped me to have no time to think about my problems. I played squash almost 2- 3 times a week, badminton once a week, even twice a day, jogging in the morning and squash in the afternoon. I kept myself real busy!

Since October/ November 2008, I joined a friend and his gang for badminton. We play once a week. I got myself tension because I did not know them. The environment was new to me, the people were new to me and I seldom meet my friend. So I looked afraid. Yes, I was afraid. Sigh... We kept in touch through MSN most of the time. Those who know me well, through phone or MSN, I can really "talk" or I can express myself better. So he found me weird and he had been "complaining" to me that he did not know when I'm being real and when I'm not. His comment bothered me very much. I wasn't really happy about it. *EGO*
He had been "pushing" me to be myself. This phrase "be myself" caught me to think if I'm really being MYSELF. Half way, I quited. I did not want to think about it anymore.

Today, I attended a women conference organised by the W2W. Well, though I planned to go since my ex-colleague had been encouraging me to, I delayed the registration because I did not want to commit. I was thinking that I may have something on during that time. Some how, on 31st Dec 2008, I was reminded of the conference not by anybody, but by my mind.

I had a tough time today actually. I finally faced the problem and discovered that when I ran away from God, He had been speaking to me through my friend. I heard it but I couldn't identify that it was from Him until today. This is not the first time I went through this topic "Know Who You Are". But it still hit me hard. Aunt Cindy mentioned that it's okay to be yourself, everyone is wonderfully, fearfully and purposefully made. Each one of us is worthy. Each one of us is unique. I need to take a deep breath to accept this truth.

God really knows me so well that when I'd decided to conform to the world, He sent His people to tell/ remind me with His Word, Romans 12: 2. I did not attend the watch night service, still I received this verse and today, AGAIN, I was reminded not to be conformed to this world. Before this, God was using my friend to speak to me "to be myself", that is to change my mindset and do not worry, just "be myself". I'm dumb enough that I did not get it. I did not expect God to speak through this friend. *Teary eyes*

I'm not passive, at least at the moment. I was motivated and I hope that I will not disappoint God and myself through out this whole year. Few days ago, the same friend sent me a phrase in Chinese, he doesn't know Chinese so he wanted me to explain that phrase to him. After being translated, it goes something like this, "When EQ drops to the bottom, it's better to turn the frustrations/ anger to strength". I think it was another reminder from God, asking me to change the way I think and to transfer the energy for anger/ frustrations to strength for some thing more meaningful, at least use the energy to overcome it instead of wasting time and energy on frustrations and anger. Though, I am not regret of how I'd spent my holidays, at least I learned squash and made new friends. I rested well. It's time to go back to the battle field.

Let The Earth Stand Still For Awhile

We are walking too fast that some times we miss out something precious and meaningful. When we keep missing things that are meaningful, the further we walk, the more tired we feel. The more tired we are the more demotivated we are.

It's the time of the year. It's time to reflect on the journey of 2008. It's time to stop and think instead of keep walking. Let the earth stand still for a moment.

I'm too far...