More to Come! More to be DONE!

I was looking back at some of the photos that we took in Indonesia.  Tears swelled in my eyes.  I was touched and I think I really miss the trip.  Yeah, again, I'm amazed that I was on the stage in front of 450 youths and kids and I am still amazed that I gave my testimony to the high school students, about 50 of them.  I owed and I'm still owing Wan Li my testimony since last year.  Haha... and I did it in Indonesia.  I acted in church once which was 6-7 years ago but I played a part in a mime and presented in Indonesia.  This is impossible without God's help.  I do not think I'll do all these in my church before the trip.  

 

Well, this is not the end I bet.  I felt that the trip was just a beginning.  A beginning for more great things to happen in Elim as well as to those who went.  For example, last week, I was asked to share on what I'd learned or what impacted me most from the trip.  I prepared it 2 hours before the meeting due to I did not know what else to share and I did not want the people to hear the same thing  over and over again.  Well, I was a bit nervous but this feeling is getting lesser and lesser.  This is indeed a good thing.  

I found out that I was and am still afraid to commit myself to the work of God.  I broke down because of the fear during the Korean outreach.  There was an altar call, Pastor Daniel Kim asked the congregation to come out to the altar if any of us decided to want to serve the church more.  I wanted to get out.  But the fear was holding me so tightly.  I was like glued to the chair.  I broke down.  I kept saying sorry to the Lord.  Sigh... At that moment I felt that I'm so useless and helpless.  

Since the day I found out my fear of committing, I prayed to God to show me the way, to show me where to start.  After a week, my prayer was answered.  I hope I did not get it wrong.  I was asked to take up the story telling during Open Sunday School this Easter Sunday.  Yeah, I have to relate it to the eggs.  I did not know what is it gotta do with egg.  I asked my ex-colleague as she did it before.  However, she had already forgotten the relation of Easter and egg.  So I thought that I do not want to do that part.  I did not approach anyone else for this matter.  On Wednesday, my boss did the sharing during our devotion time.  She mentioned about the relation, I was like..." Ok, God, do you really want to me to relate Your resurrection to the egg?"  I'm still thinking if I should.  Hmm...  Was it just a coincidence or God's prompting?  *shrug*

All the best to me and Mun Yan!  Pray for us.  I'm falling sick soon.  Pray for voice and clear speech if you read this :)  Thanks ya!

The Brief Conclusion

We had our debrief after the trip.  Erm... Yeah, sharing again.  Hmm... We all own a DVD of the trip photos and the clips.  

So... What did I learn from this trip?

1.  I learned that I need Him urgently.

2.  This trip without Him will not be successful.

3.  I learned to let go of self when I try my best to act for Him and speak for Him.  

4.  I am more willing to take up challenges at the moment.  

Erm... yeah, that's a brief one.  Hehe... The most important thing is I'm back in His arms.  My walk with Him is still not very stable.  I am tempted to go against Him and try to own life by myself instead of letting Him to take control. 

I am learning and this learning experience is going to overwhelm me I believe.  It's going to lead to something great if I'm obedience enough.  

No One Is Righteous

Romans 3: 9-12

What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? No, not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin.  As it is written:  "There's no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.  All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

Pastor Daniel Kim from Beijing shared on this when he was preaching in our church today.  He added,"Everything  in this world is conditional.  People judge us by what what we do and how we perform."  This statement really struck me as it's so true.  Even in any kind of relationships, the love we share is conditional.  We can say how much we love each other but still we condition others.  We want others to live up to our expectations.  We want others to speak our love languages but most of the time we fail to speak their love languages.  It could be because of not willing to let go of self and it could be because of insensitivity.  Our humanly love is really selfish.  We can hardly accept people because of who they are.  Are we any better? Why do we try to "impose" others?  

Pastor explained as the scripture stated in verse 20, it's only when we know God's law, we are conscious of our sins.  When we are conscious of our sins, let's try to overcome it with God.  God is our Redeemer, Saviour and Friend.  He will not forsake us.  Let's be brave!  And let's learn how God loves and love others like how God loves us.  

22nd March 2009

Ok this was our last day in Jakarta.  We went to another Abba Love church for Sunday service.  We worshipped their.  Uncle William gave sermon there with a pro translater.  Yeah, he preached in English.  Hmm... I really admired the translator.  He was really fast and precise.  *Thumb up*

Hmm...After the service, we went for our brunch at a nearby stall.  The noodles there not bad also.  Not too tasty but not bad.  Enjoyed the meal.  Before the meal, Kian Aun wanted to leave them our Give Thanks song and Bernice was the one who taught the Indons.  Hmm... 

After the meal we started our journey to the airport.  Hmm... We checked in everything and we took some photos there with our hosts and then we went to the departure hall.  Hmm...

What I shared here were not the entire thing as we were in different groups.  Some amazing things that other groups experienced I wasn't really clear.  But I will conclude the trip on the next post :)  

21st March 2009

                                          

This was the place we stayed overnight after the extreme prayer.  Hmm... Most of us gals did not manage to sleep tight as the room was too cold and there was so much noice made by people outside the room.  I think it was because they just came back from the prayer.  And we heard uncle William talking so loudly so early in the morning.  *sweat*

Hmm...This was the day most of us looked forward to where we would have our free time and we would have time to shop for souvenirs etc.  Some were looking for branded sports wear as they said the goods are sold cheaper there.  Well, we waited till noon then only went to those places.  We went to a mall, and we had Japanese food.  Mission trip wor...

I did not get to really tour around the giant mall.  I only got to visit their toilets *sweat* Haha... From the time we were at the Japanese restaurant I already in the toilet once.  When my food came, they informed me then I went back there to finish my food.  Then I went to the same toilt again.  After they left, I came out thought of meeting them, but they went different direction.  I was still not feeling quite well so I visited the toilet at another level.  Keke...  That's how I spent my day in the mall.  

Then we went to another place that sells all the sports wear.  I did not get anything from there too.  Haha... There was nothing interesting for me, not too interesting that will get me to spend there.  Some of us did get things there for themselves as well as for family members.  

At 5pm, we had to attend a youth service.  That church is in a mall itself.  The whole church has about 400 youths and kids.  What amazed me was seeing kids worshipping God with their hearts.  I had never seen such scene in my church.  The kids flipped the bible as the 16 year old girl was preaching up there.  It was really impressive.  We played our mime- The Simple Heart there and Carmen shared her testimony there.  

After that we left the church to the Industry again to have our dinner and to have short sharing on the trip as well as the church we attended just now.  After that we went to have satay ayam some where with the local church members- Amos, Erwin and Ricky if I'm not mistaken.  They have been the greatest hosts ever.  

19th- 20th March 2009

The host, Pak Rueben shared on Ephesians 3: 1- 13 and Philippians 3: 7- 8 and his sharing led me to share on John 16:33 I could hardly understand what he shared because of the language.  But I think it was about giving up things for the sake of Christ.  I felt that it's a very difficult thing to do.  By giving up those things cost us a lot.  But we are always comforted because God has already overcome the world, we do not have to worry or afraid (we will do as we are human, lack of faith).  

After the dawn prayer we went back to the house and we packed.  We had our breakfast- fried rice, prepared by his wife and we had sweet tea.  It tasted good and this time without pig skin :P

Our next station was a school- Cendrawaseh Kristen School.  This is a private school and it's a christian school.  It was Erwin's school, he graduated his junior high here.  By the way, Erwin was our guide when we were in the village.  

We joined their KidsGame in the school.  I was observing them and I got ideas for my kids in the center.  Some of the games they can play too :)  After each games they had small group discussion.  The helper will tell them the values they can learn through the games and they related it to bible stories too.  I kinda like it and hoping to be trained.  

After the KidsGame, we went to the junior high school.  We toured around the school then we joined they worship session.  If I am not mistaken, the worship is a daily thing.  We were invited to sing two songs on stage.  We sang Hari Ini Ku Rasa Bahagia and How Great is Our God.  Well, I found their worship dry as it was more l ike a concert than true worship.  However, I also felt they they are really blesssed to be reminded of God's presence everyday.  No matter how each of them worship, no matter what their attitudes are, they received the seed.  In His time, it will grow.  

After that we went to Erwin's house for lunch.  Her mum sells noodles outside his house.  He has a huge house.  We had Bakmi ayam i think.  It was tasty and again he served us a lot of other foods like Popiah, fish crackers, huge bananas, and I had my favorite drinks there- Fanta :)  The headmaster of Cendrawaseh treated us lunch there.  Hmm... We rested at his house and then he brought us to one of Abba Love at Carrefoure.  It was a nice place.  

Oh yeah, we visited another school called SMU? It is a public school and we were invited to join their CF (Christian Fellowship).  I gave my testimony there and we played our drama there- Why Didn't You Tell Me Earlier? by Eliza and Hui Xian.  KM preached, it was actually a summary on the drama and Kian Aun did the ice- breaker. Heh... The CF was really impressive.  The students were attentive and always connected to us when we talked.  During their worship, we can really see that it was from their hearts.  Their attitudes encouraged me a lot and I shared my testimony with the lowest fear level.  These were Senior High students.  Compared to the Junior High students, yeah, their maturity level is higher.   Apparently it was a famous school like our Sam Tet and Ave Maria. 

Then we went to their sports ministry place.  It was a comfy place.  Besides their church, they have a place to hang out.  It is like a second home.  Cool!  There are basketball courts and Futsal courts.  They are superb.  They have so many coach and their players can play very well.  When the other groups reached the Industry also. We had brief sharings on their stay at the villages.  Then we played captain ball and futsal together.  Then we had BBQ and then to the Extreme Prayer.  It was an overnight thing, from 10pm to 5 am the next morning.  But we left at 2am after the refreshments.  

During the Extreme Prayer.  I had no feelings.  The drum beat away all my feelings.  As I tried to focus on God, everyone of my family members, my friends and loved ones accured in my mind.  All their faces flashed in my mind.  I began to pray for their salvation.  I named them one by one.  I named them again and again.  After that only found out that some of us from our team prayed for the same thing.  I guessed God alerted us that we should pray and reach out to our loved ones.  Hmm... It should not stop there.  

18th March 2009

Upon Jervin's request, I'm here to share about my Indonesia trip.  Haha... Yeah, I was back in Ipoh for a week by now.  I was too lazy to share it here again because I shared many times already.  Haha...

18th March

 

When we reached Indonesia's Airport, we were received by the fellow brethren from Abba Love.  Abba Love is a huge church with many branches.  It's a church like City Harvest in Singapore.  Then we were sent to a village called Sehwan.  We gathered at a kindergarten.  The first stop was at the "Mental Health Rehab Center".  We had fellowship with some of the mentally ill people.  One of them played the guitar and sang us two songs.  We sang two songs for them too.  Then we were served butter cookies.  After that we were told to break ourselves into 3 groups because each group will be going into different villages.  My group went to a Ex- lepers village, another group went to a rubbish dump village and another group to a village with a lot of kids(?).  We did not know the conditions of the 3 villages and we did not know what to expect.  So off we went to the respective villages.  

When I reached the village, it wasn't as bad as I expected.  We did not get to bath in the river.  Hehe... I did not know that that is an ex- lepers village also.  I got to know when I found that most of the uncles and aunties do not have fingers, or their fingers and toes are crooked.  Then only I asked Km.  Once we reached the host's house, we were served soft drinks, then we were served Chocolate Ice- blended and then bubur kacang hitam, which we thought it was our dinner.  By now you can see how hospitable are they.  They were so warmth.  

After we bathed, we went home visits.  We went to a few houses.  We were treated Eskrim in one of the houses we visited.  They run a business and they said it was from God.  It's a kedai runcit.  The first thing that the people said when they saw us was Puji Tuhan.  They were ex- lepers.  Because of their sickness, they lost their fingers, toes and legs.  They are poor and yet they praised God.  I can hardly do that, I blamed God for the things that I've to go through.  When my center has visitors, I never said praise God.  I have never said that.  To them, God's people are Luar Biasa, yet I felt that I am just as ordinary as other people.  I did not seriously think that having God is a Luar Biasa thing.  I was slapped twice once I was there. 

Would I praise God when I lose a leg? Fingers? Toes? They are so simple and they place their trust fully on God.  I felt and still feeling so ashamed for trying to run away from God like Adam and Eve.  Shame on me!   :(

We joined their young adult meeting too.  I had language barrier plus I wasn't really alert, I couldn't understand what they were talking about.  They were fun and cheerful.  Their worship was superb and their prayer meeting was so different from us.  They are planning to go on a mission soon, if I'm not mistaken, they will be going in May.  I must remember to pray for them.  Hmm... I took the initiative to talk to them.  I got them to write something in my journal too :)

After that we went back home, we had our dinner.  I swallowed a piece of pig skin.  I thought it was sotong or something.  I had never ever seen pig skin in this form.  I did not want to know what it was too.  But Erwin, he told us.  I was not in time to stop him.  sigh...

We were told that the next morning they have dawn prayer.  It was at 5am, Malaysian time will be 4am.  Ok it was our first night ok?  But we managed to wake up in time.  

Today is the third day I worked with that difficult colleague after the 3 months break from her.  Oh well, I felt that I've changed- not to be more patient though.  I changed to be more direct.  I felt that I'm braver to confront her and those parents.  Oh well, they may feel that I'm not in the right mood.  However, sooner or later they will know that I have become more firm to them.  

I do not know how they may feel with my change especially for my colleague.  But I want to be brave to do what is right at work.  Hmm... It's a tiring and busy day.  But I felt most peaceful at this moment.  I hope that this peace will continue to wrap me tightly.  

I handed my application form for my studies.  Am I ready?  I seriously do not know.  I felt that I will be bound by it.  I will not have so much freedom to be involved in certain activities.  But I'm really in the mood to learn new things and to be as expressive as possible when I teach.  I need to revive my spirit in my area of work as well as my relationship with my family.  I felt that I have neglected them for a while.  Hmm...

I'm in Indonesia :)

Oh man, I've been here in Indonesia for 3 days. I'm having great time here. I met a lot of people that are so fervent in serving God. I met people who can praise God so gladly and so sincerely. I really feel so ashamed of my faith. Sigh...

Yeah, having great time but still I know there is something in my heart that I need to settle. Some of the time really felt that I can hardly focus on God, it could be because of new environment and it could be because of the way of they worship is different from us. I really admire their way of praising God and trusting God. They are so true and so real. Sigh...

You Are My All In All

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel

Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God

Worthy is your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising up now I'll bless your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down, you pick me up

When I am dry, you fill my cup

You are my all in all

When we were singing this song just now, I finally realised that at the end of the day, the only one who will not abandon me forever is God.  He says He loves me, He meant and still mean it.  He will be with me till the end of time and still He will be with me after the end of time.  It's the true everlasting love.  

A couple maybe in love now, but this love is not going to last.  Some years down the road, there maybe problems, with those problems, the couple  may start drifting apart from each other.  Unforgiveness, hurts, tears will separate them forever.  Even friendships are not everlasting.  One day, we will leave this earth.  Tears swelled when I finally realised that He is the one I need most right now.  The One whom will do what He has promised.  

Most of us are like NATO ( No Action, Talk Only) especially when comes to handling emotions.  One minute, we will be able to think straight, another minute, we mess up what we think we have already thought through.  We contradict ourselves at times.  But God will never ever do that to us.  He mean what He says and He does what He says.  No matter how flowery our words can be when we express our love to some one, when situations or unhappiness come, we change our minds.  I'm struggling hard to do things, to love, to care like how Jesus did!  

I know what I'm talking about.  It maybe a bit disorganised as I wrote whatever that comes to my mind.  I just felt like blogging it...

 

My Heart Is Far From You

Mark 7: 6

He replied," Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 

This verse really struck me when my colleague was reading this passage.  The feeling was like being slapped on the face.  Oh well, yeah, I can tell people how great is God, how He had been and still blessing me, but viewing on my attitude toward things, people, relationships and work, truly, my heart is far from Him.  I have been doing things against His will.  I maybe ruining a bright and purposeful future that He has planned for me.  A lot of temptations came and still are coming my way.  I failed to keep myself away from those temptations.  Sigh... In short, keeping myself on the right path really is a struggle.  O God, help me flee from it.  

Wish You Jesus

I could wish you joy and peace

To last a whole life long

I could wish you sunshine

Or a cheerful little song

Or wish you all the happiness

That this life could bring

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

More than anything

I could wish you leaves of gold

And may your path be smooth

I could wish you treasures

Or that all your dreams come true

And I could wish you paradise

That everyday be spring

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

But I wish you Jesus

I've wished you everything

'Cause when I wish you Jesus 

I wish you everything

I'm Telling You Now

I copied this image from KM's blog.  It was one of his posts too.  I bet most people had read it.  Yeah, this has been bothering me quite a lot.  What if I'm really caught up in this situation where my friend and I meet with an accident and while we are waiting to find out if we are dead, an angel turns up to me and wants to bring me to heaven while my beloved friend is left alone and soon being caught by an "officer" from Hell.  Yeah, surely he/ she will blame me for not sharing the gospel to him/ her.  Sigh... It's a difficult thing to do as it's quite a sensitive issue.  Well, I could be giving an excuse.  But I won't hide my identity.  Yes, I'm a Christian.  

God's love, God's faithful, God's good.  There is none other people that I know/ knew on earth would do what God had done and still doing for me and for His sons and daughters.  He provides my needs, giving me a heart to love even to person who hurt me badly.  Ability to stay strong when I'm weak, ability to overcome fear and many more.  I wish you (who are yet to find out who this God is) Jesus.  I hope one day we will share the same faith and share the same vision and mission in our lives.  May God reveal Himself to you so that you will also be saved by this Super Hero, a Hero that nobody on this earth can replace.  Not spiderman, not superman, not batman.  He is Jesus!  

Keep on doing what you know is right

Dedicating a song to my friends, my loved ones and whoever that are striving to do what is right.  Well, I do not know how to sing this song.  I found this when I was preparing a song list for worship.  The night before that, a friend was pouring out to me how much struggle it is to stay strong and to do what we know is right.  

Here it goes:

Don't grow weary in doing well

Don't surrender in the fight

Keep on storming 

The gates of Hell

Keep on doing what you know is right

For there will be 

Seasons of testing

And there may be

Weeping for a night

But soon we'll be

Reaping the blessing

If we keep pressing on

Toward the prize

Keep on praying in the Spirit

Keep on walking in the Light

Don't be fearful or discouraged

Keep on doing 

What you know is right

Stay strong my friends, you are not alone!

Things Happen for Reasons

2 things happened strangely lately.  

1.  I brought  my laptop to church for no reason.  However, the people there needed it which i did not expect it to happen.  According to one of them, I was led by the Spirit.

2.  Every time I banked in cheque, I did not write things that are required at the back of it.  But few days ago, I banked in my cheque and I did not know why I was so hard working, i wrote all the things that are required at the back of it.  This morning, I received a call from bank, said that the date of my cheque was wrong and I was asked to collect it.  I answered the call when I was not supposed to as I was having class, just so happened that I went in to office and my phone was vibrating.  

I just felt that things happened for reasons.  Many things happen in life.  Some times we really cannot see the reason behind it especially when we are trying to strive on.  Maybe we should stop asking why and try to enjoy the process of getting to know why.  

March

It's the last week of February now.  I'm taking a deep breathe to welcome March.  Sigh... I really need to commit myself, my whole self to God.  I have been questioning myself if the same thing is gonna happen to the same person when we start working together again.  I hope for change desperately.  *inhale* 

I thank God for the break that I had from that person since January though.   

Oh God, I'm really afraid.  I need self control when I have contact with this person.  I do not want to know how she tries to defend herself.  I do not want to be too smart to sense the lies, the excuses that she's gonna give.  Oh God please, help me through, guide me when it comes to me.  Show me the right way to settle problems, help me to be brave, help me handle my stress properly!  I'm so afraid.  Oh my dear Father, keep me in Your arms, the warmest, the most secured One that nobody can ever provide.  Father, tell me that I can do it.  I need You so much!  

Elim Gospel Hall's New Building

It's amazing how it grows so fast!!!  It has got 4 walls now... Though it's still in the process.  Our group's first project will be in this hall :)  I kinda can't wait for it to complete!  It's really amazing.  

Toothpaste= Giant

I've a child who dislikes brushing his teeth with toothpaste.  Being the naughty teacher, I gotta let him try by forcing it into his mouth.  The same method may not work for every child.  I know him and I hope to help him overcome.  So... I asked my colleague to hold his arms and I helped him brush.  He's an Autistic child by the way.  

We did the same thing twice.  The third time, when I brought him to brush his teeth, he was actually anticipating me to squeeze the toothpaste on his toothbrush and he opened his mouth for me to brush.  I was so happy.  I was so glad that he had overcome his fear.  Of course after every trials we praised him for being so brave and for being so good boy.  We praised him for being hygienic too.  

Looking at him reminded me of facing the giants in life.  We are challenged everyday.  Some challenges are really hard to take.  Using toothpaste to brush teeth maybe a giant for my kid.  With help and bravery, he overcame it.  It takes two to work too.  He was brave enough to struggle less.  He depended on us- teachers as well as himself.  We need somebody stronger to depend on too so that when we are trying to face our challenges, we are able to draw strength from the stronger ones, to be motivated, to be encouraged to press on.  

Have we found the stronger One and have we found the right friends that will help us move on? Are we those kind of friend who would motivate our friends and encourage our friends when they are challenged?  We need friends, we need each other.  Adam needed Eve.  I need you and you and you and you too.  

   

             

LCL

It was an easy day for me due to the intensive training for my new colleague. She gotta teach as much as possible for this two weeks, so most of my kids were passed to her today :) I was just overseeing the sessions. Hmm... Not boring though.

I felt ticklish when I tensed a kid up. He sighed many times and kept telling me that he cannot do. I timed him as he always daydreams. I was so happy that the timer worked for him. He was so afraid to see himself running out of time. And he completed his task on time :) But before he finished his work I laughed when I saw him tension, he must be thinking that I'm a pervert :P haha...

Some time I feel that children are afraid of non- living things- cane, rubber band etc, more than living things- parents and/ or teachers. Haha... Are parents and teachers not comparable to cane and timer and etc? That's why I do not use cane or ruler on my kids. I feel that the cane or ruler takes over my authority. It makes me feel useless :P Haha... Of course, there are more reasons/ facts to it.

People around me seem very into photographing. During CNY I went to my friend's friend's house together with 2 of my friends. There was a pair of twins who were into photographing. I think they were taking the opportunity to sharpern their skills.

As I was grabbing some of the photos from Facebook, I got a chance to look back at the photos in my collection. I observed myself in the photos especially those that was taken without me knowing it. I looked at myself, my expression and thanked those who took them. If not I wouldn't be able to see my expression when I talk, when I laugh, when I'm focus and when I'm lost.

This led me to feel thankful to those who pointed out my weaknesses, my reactions towards certain situations, my goodness, my successes and my foolishness. Without these comments, I wouldn't be who I am now. I wouldnt be able to learn and grow with confident. Thank God for all of you who had impacted my life, and inspired me to move on!

Another Closed Friend's Wed

I think there were too many cameras so all of us stared at different direction. I will not foret the whistle man. That camera man who wore a whistle to get ppl's attention when he is videoing.

SWEET :)

It's a time for us to gather together.

Haha... What is the fan doing there? It spoilt our picture!

AGJ 8368

This morning, I sent a friend to Public Bank located at Jalan Pasir Puteh. I had something to do over there as well. I parked my car right in front of PB. When I was done, i went back to my car and saw this <<<<<-----

A Myvi was blocking my way. I honked and honked for about 7 minutes, nobody came out. A lot of people stuck their heads out to see what happened. But not the owner.

After I honked a few more times, the owner came out from the bank. She walked so slowly as if she bought the road. When she came out, she did not show any guiltiness. She even took her time to check her co-driver side to see if there's any scratch! Oh man, I was getting so impatient. This aunty was fortunate enough, if it's not me, she will kena scold very badly! Sigh...

Happy or Grumpy?

It's a happy day
And I thank God for the weather
It's a happy day
I'm living it for my Lord
It's a happy day
Things are gonna get better
Living each day
By the promises
In God's Word

It's a grumpy day
And I can't stand the weather
It's a grumpy day
Living it for myself
It's a grumpy day
And things aren't gonna get better
Living each day
With the Bible on my shelf


I find it so difficult to sing this song on Wednesdays. Not every Wednesday of course. Some times some of my colleagues will choose this song. Imagine when your mood is so bad, and you are to sing this song. Well, you can choose to be quiet. Some how, it makes me feel weird. But this song also reminds me to thank God and to praise God no matter how my mood is. In all seasons, praise the Lord. The world is still beautiful and I trust that God will help each of us through especially when we are facing problems, be it relationships, work, or health.

Who Is My Neighbour?

Yesterday was my turn to share during our weekly devotion. Days before yesterday I already struggled as I did not know what to share. My own devotion with God is still not consistent. Until Wednesday I still couldn't find any topic. On Monday, I received Our Daily Journey with Jesus. My sister's copy. Since she is not back yet, I opened it and flipped it through.

I had been praying for inspiration, praying for the right topic to share. Finally "Who Is My Neighbour?" caught my attention. I read through and thought it was quite OK and I supposed I will be able to share something out of it. The references that were given was from Luke 10:29- 38. It was about the parable of the Good Samaritan.

Jesus started to tell this parable when a legal expert asked Jesus "Who is my neighbour?" in verse 29. The story goes like this.

There was a Jewish man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho and he was attacked by bandits. The bandits stripped him of his clothes and money, beat him up and left him half dead by the roadside. Then a Jewish priest came along, he was going to the temple; but when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side of the road. (Both of them were Jews). Then a despised Samaritan came along and when he saw the Jewish man, he felt deep pity. The Samaritan soothed his wound with medicine and bandage them. He took the man to an inn and paid the innkeeper and told him to take care of him. He even told the innkeeper that if what he had paid was not enough, he will pay again when he's back again.

Then Jesus asked the legal expert after telling the story. He asked,"Which of these 3 would you say was a neighbour to the man who was attacked by bandits." Of course the legal expert's answer was the same as us, the one who showed him mercy.

Being a neighbour has nothing to do with how near we live to others, or how similar our religion or race. Being a neighbour depends simply on our humanity- and on need. Anyone you or I come in contact with who has a need is our neighbour. And to love our neighbour means to care enough to reach out and help in anyway we can.- extracted from the devotional material

The Jewish priest may have saved many souls for the Lord when he preached. However, he couldn't see the immediate need of the Jewish man. They were of the same race but yet, he did not bother to lend his hand to him. How sad it is when we are on the same boat and yet, we keep fighting for attention, keep arguing, keep blaming each other and can't see our weaknesses.
( This thought came when I was driving my sis to school on Wednesday morning).

I posted 2 questions before I ended my sharing.
1. Are we gonna wait for people to help us (like the legal expert who asked who is my neighbour)
or are we gonna equip ourselves to help others?
2. Are we gonna stay here blaming each other or are we gonna move on to a higher ground to
help even more people around us?

After I reached my office that day, I found out that 2 of my colleagues had an argument. my boss was telling me about that matter and my eyes were teary. I felt so disappointed and I was thinking when is that gonna end. I do not know how to express my feelings even now. I just felt upset maybe. Or I was touched knowing that God chose the right topic for me to share. maybe too...

Well, I hope that God has already ministered to them. I can only keep praying for them.

I had a strange Wednesday. After sending sister to school and picked a new colleague from there. We started our journey to Canning Garden. We were early and we did not have keys. So we gotta wait outside. I thought since I've a company, why not we sit at that part. We each had a book. However, we ended up chatting. We were not only chatting among ourselves. There was another old lady meditating there. When she noticed us, she talked to us. She asked us about our work and she knew one of my colleagues.


After awhile, that old lady went home. Then came another old lady, said that she's working for government as a counselor. She said some times people will call to ask them where to get help when they have difficult children. She asked about our programme. We explained to her and gave her our contact number. She also asked me where to find those holiday camps for kids. And I introduce her to our church Holiday Club. I gave her my contact number and hopefully she will call me. I did not get to get her phone number as she kept talking.


It was just a visit to the park and we got to advertise our center and our church. She asked me how our church compound is so big and she also said that our church is a rich church. I should sit at the park more often :) haha...

Wonderfully, Fearfully & Purposefully Made

Oh my, it's been an emotional day for me! A day to face myself and to face God. I do not really know how to start the story. I just know that I want to write something about it.

I had a roller coaster year of 2008. I guess it had not been a smooth one. There were a lot of tests and challenges which required me to make the right choices, to have self- control, to handle stress in the right manner and to know that God will never forsake me. I failed almost all of them.

I started my holidays since 18th Dec 2008 until 1st Jan 2009. Before I started my holidays, I was already in bad shape. I was exhausted and I was fed- up with a lot of things. Basically I was fed- up with everything. I shared with one of my colleagues as she knew best of what I'd been going through. I'd gotten assurance from her but I was still living in anger. I couldn't forgive and I struggled. I tried to put on masks in front of everyone. I appeared to be fine. Well, if I hid myself neat enough. Sigh...

Due to my anger and frustration, I started to drift away from God. At one point, I felt that I was not qualified to continue this journey with God. I kinda decided not to attend church anymore. I was irritable at home and at work. I tried to avoid that person, I tried to flee from the existing problem. Since school holidays started, I had not been spending time with God. I did not pray, I did not do anything that is related to God besides being there during Christmas for the sake of it. Due to my problem, I was very afraid to meet people especially people that I know. Funny enough! *Shrug* I was too tired that I even thought of letting go of my relationship with KM. I felt that I really couldn't handle. (This will be another post.)

What did I do during my holidays? My sister was back from Uni. We went shopping, squash, badminton, movies and jogging. I went out almost everyday. I went out in the morning and back in the evening. At night I hang out with old friends as well. I was busy attending dinners and luncheons. That helped me to have no time to think about my problems. I played squash almost 2- 3 times a week, badminton once a week, even twice a day, jogging in the morning and squash in the afternoon. I kept myself real busy!

Since October/ November 2008, I joined a friend and his gang for badminton. We play once a week. I got myself tension because I did not know them. The environment was new to me, the people were new to me and I seldom meet my friend. So I looked afraid. Yes, I was afraid. Sigh... We kept in touch through MSN most of the time. Those who know me well, through phone or MSN, I can really "talk" or I can express myself better. So he found me weird and he had been "complaining" to me that he did not know when I'm being real and when I'm not. His comment bothered me very much. I wasn't really happy about it. *EGO*
He had been "pushing" me to be myself. This phrase "be myself" caught me to think if I'm really being MYSELF. Half way, I quited. I did not want to think about it anymore.

Today, I attended a women conference organised by the W2W. Well, though I planned to go since my ex-colleague had been encouraging me to, I delayed the registration because I did not want to commit. I was thinking that I may have something on during that time. Some how, on 31st Dec 2008, I was reminded of the conference not by anybody, but by my mind.

I had a tough time today actually. I finally faced the problem and discovered that when I ran away from God, He had been speaking to me through my friend. I heard it but I couldn't identify that it was from Him until today. This is not the first time I went through this topic "Know Who You Are". But it still hit me hard. Aunt Cindy mentioned that it's okay to be yourself, everyone is wonderfully, fearfully and purposefully made. Each one of us is worthy. Each one of us is unique. I need to take a deep breath to accept this truth.

God really knows me so well that when I'd decided to conform to the world, He sent His people to tell/ remind me with His Word, Romans 12: 2. I did not attend the watch night service, still I received this verse and today, AGAIN, I was reminded not to be conformed to this world. Before this, God was using my friend to speak to me "to be myself", that is to change my mindset and do not worry, just "be myself". I'm dumb enough that I did not get it. I did not expect God to speak through this friend. *Teary eyes*

I'm not passive, at least at the moment. I was motivated and I hope that I will not disappoint God and myself through out this whole year. Few days ago, the same friend sent me a phrase in Chinese, he doesn't know Chinese so he wanted me to explain that phrase to him. After being translated, it goes something like this, "When EQ drops to the bottom, it's better to turn the frustrations/ anger to strength". I think it was another reminder from God, asking me to change the way I think and to transfer the energy for anger/ frustrations to strength for some thing more meaningful, at least use the energy to overcome it instead of wasting time and energy on frustrations and anger. Though, I am not regret of how I'd spent my holidays, at least I learned squash and made new friends. I rested well. It's time to go back to the battle field.

Let The Earth Stand Still For Awhile

We are walking too fast that some times we miss out something precious and meaningful. When we keep missing things that are meaningful, the further we walk, the more tired we feel. The more tired we are the more demotivated we are.

It's the time of the year. It's time to reflect on the journey of 2008. It's time to stop and think instead of keep walking. Let the earth stand still for a moment.

I'm too far...

Love from a Special One

I feel very cool because Wan keen has never ever drawn an angry face on me. Well, I guess partly is because she doesn't like it when I'm angry. Very often, I open my arms to hug her when she cries. She will also look forward to hug me when she is sad.

Can you see the opened arms in the picture? This is exactly what happen almost every time she's being scolded except for that few days. She was scolded by me and I did not bother to hug her after that.

I remember there was one day, I went out from early in the morning until 8pm. Her tuition was until 7.30pm. When she got home, she kept asking my mum where did I go. She was looking for me. At times she will cry if I go outstation without informing her earlier.

There's another time, I went Penang for a course. I told her I'll be staying in a flat and she will stay at home with dad and mum. She refused to accept the fact. It took me some time to convince her. And I gotta assure her that I'll go home after I've finish the course. Hmm...It's good to know that she will miss me and that she loves me. I'll never forget that she was the bridge between me and God. And because of her, me, Wan Sian and my mum invited Christ into our lives. That's why, people always remind each other that God put somebody in our lives for a reason. A reason to be discovered. So keep discovering with patience, kindness and gratefulness.

Sorry "er jie"

Yeah, obviously this was drawn by wan keen. If you can see the words below, it says,"sorry, er jie." The girl with polka dot skirt is Wan Keen and the one in blue is me. Haha...

Why she drew this? Well, I think it's because I scolded her one day. For what reason, I forgot. She was so upset that she drew this. But she did not show me. Hmm...I laughed like mad when my mum showed me this picture.

This picture also reminded me that I have not been patient lately. I've been very moody and and irritable. I think my moodiness is due to work and also some other thing. Hmm... I was having great stress from work. Again, I was like walking on the glass. I'm very afraid and do not know when that person will lie to me again. I've not been relying on God.

Hmm... Now that I'm on leave until next year, I wanna enjoy my holidays to the fullest and hopefully it'll be enough for me to kick start the brand new year of 2009.

I must talk to Wan Keen tomorrow so that she will not feel tense. hmm...

Turned Turtle

Yesterday, I went lunch with 2 of my other colleagues. My colleague was driving and I was sitting next to her. The other colleague was sitting at the back. We were chatting happily. Suddenly, I AIYO very loudly that I scared them both. I saw a car turned turtle. At first I was thinking why were the wheels of this car faccing the sky. I was a bit slow in figuring it out. When I realised it I just AIYO and directed their attention to that car. They scolded me for scarring them. One of them thought our car hit the front car. Haha...

It was still red light. Yeah, we were at the traffic light. So we were still observing the car. The driver was no more there. We only saw one side of the slippers and there was nobody near the car. But there were a few guys standing under the tree, talking about how the car turned turtle. I doubt that they were related to this accident.

We were still at the traffic light. We were also trying to think how the car turned turtle and we were wondering where was the driver. There wasn't police nor ambulance. So we were really curious, me especially. I became one of the Super8 club member. Haha...

This accident happened near Hospital Fatimah, after the traffic light from Fatimah. This accident stimulated my boring day. Hahaha...

Bolt

Yes, we watched BOLT last night. Yeah, I was kinda touched because Rhino the hamster is so encouraging, Mitten the cat helps BOLT to realise that what he has been doing/ experiencing are not real. Bolt being a dog is loyal and risks his life to save Penny the girl, his person according to Bolt.

Bolt used to think that he has super power. He is lost one day and he tries to use his super power and etc in real life. When he finally meets Mitten the cat, he realises that he doesn't have any power, he thinks that he's useless. But Rhino the hamster encourages him because their enemy, Mitten the cat, is caught. So they have to save her in order to complete their mission which is to find the green-eyed man.

After Rhino's encouragement, he makes up his mind to save Mitten. When they are there, they use strategy to save Mitten. They are noticed by the guard and the one who hit the guard is actually Rhino the hamster. This scene really inspired me. Some times, those who think highly of themselves like Bolt, are not able to do anything great. However, those with positive attitude and humble, can some times do great things.

There's another scene. Bolt used to think that he has Super Bark. His so called gift is not able to use appropriately until the day when he saves Penny with his Super Bark. This comforted me too. God gives each of us gifts. Some times we wonder if God really give us any gifts. Some times, we feel small too because we are not able to perform accordingly. That scene reminded me of God's timing. God will surely make use of our talents, our gifts and every part of us in HIS TIME. IN HIS TIME, He will make all things beautiful. We just need to be patient and humble so that we will be able to discern when God wants us to use our talents. Like Bolt, he is able to discern and he makes use of his bark at the right place and at the right time. He saves the girl!!!

In HIS TIME...

Being Autistic?

I find myself being Autistic when I eat out...

Food that I will never fail to order at hawker centers:
1. Laksa
2. Tomyam
3. Porridge
4. Drunken Chicken Noodles

Drinks that I will never fail to order at hawker centers:
1. 100 plus
2. Lime Juice with asam
3. Umbra Juice
4. Coconut Juice
5. Milo hot/ cold

Food that I'll never fail to order at Old Town Kopitiam:
1. Laksa
2. Tomyam
3. Nissin noodles

Drinks that I'll never fail to order at Old Town Kopitiam:
1. Honey Lemon Juice
2. Blackcurrant Ice Blended
3. Hot Chocolate

Food that I'll never fail to order at other cafes:
1. Tomyam
2. Laksa
3. Nissin Noodles

Drinks that I'll never fail to order at other cafes:
1. Iced Lemon Tea
2. Lemonade
3. Banana Juice/ Ice blended
4. Chocolate Banana
5. Hot Milk
6. Hot Chocolate


Do I really like lemon so much or sour food so much that I always order such food and drinks? Frankly, I can't answer. If you say I'm not adventurous in food, you are wrong. I'm adventurous in food. Haha... Maybe when comes to these places, there aren't any new kinda food. I really find myself being so Autistic when I eat out. How about you? Do you order almost the same thing when you eat out? Haha... I wonder how many people do! Haha...

Forgive...Press On!

I'm in a mess because I've not forgiven some body. I really need to forgive this person who annoys me so much who hurt me so much who refuses to give me chance to talk who always protects self who always gives excuses when makes mistakes who tries to manipulate people who puts people into difficult situation who is inconsiderate who blames everyone else besides self and ...

Sigh... I felt sorry to find so many faults in this person. I am not as good too. I will not forget what this person had done as what had happened alarmed me to be careful. I can't put my trust yet I can't live my life like that, i think. I do not know what to do with this person and I do not wanna hear anything from this person and I just do not know when is it real and when is it not. I'm in such a difficult position. I'm really cold and I know this person feels my coldness. It is no point to clear whatever that had happened because this person will not admit, all I can get will be excuses that tries to hide the truth. What is the truth? Frankly, nobody knows. I guess this person doesn't know the truth either because there were too many lies that may have confused him/herself too.

Sigh... I tried to be nice. However, my effort slipped when I received excuses and when I wasn't given a chance to talk. It became a mess when I tried to find a way out. I wanted to teach, I wanted to help but to this person all those were pointing out mistakes. Even if those were mistakes, learn la. The sky won't fall when mistakes happen. The more defense, the more I feel tedious.

Some body told me that some times some people are put into our life for a reason, reason that we do not know. I was thinking, yeah, I really do not know the reason, I can only depend on God's wisdom. Maybe this person is here to show how ugly my character is; to show how much more i need to learn to forgive and to be patient. Sigh... PRESS ON!!!

Transformed

If I'm not mistaken, it was last Friday. I played badminton with a bunch of unknown people. Well, not totally. At least I know one of them before I went. I was quite afraid to go as I did not know my friend's friends. Though, I went.

I went there and I sat at a corner. I did not initiate any talk or introduction with anybody. Even my friend also did not introduce me to his friends. To him, all of us are young people so we can settle it ourselves. I sat at a corner not long, then two gals walked towards my direction. One of them looked familiar. I couldn't really recall her name. She was shocked to see me there too.

We could recognise each other. We learned Taekwando together and she was from MGS. I found it hard to recall things that we'd gone through together. I remember we had much fun last time but I just couldn't recall how. We started to talk and then she and her friend went to play. So, I sat there and waited as we only rented one court. Hmm... That day I was quite tired and sleepy. I think it was because I had not recovered from the trip as well as all the cleaning work at work.

After around 10 minutes or less. She invited me to play together. We played. She saw me so quiet then she asked me why I became so shy. According to her, I used to be very brave and initiated chat with people quite often. We knew each other when I was Form 5 and she was Form 4. I asked her more about me and I am so different now. I'm very afraid of people now and I am not that brave anymore.

What have made me change? I really wonder why I became so fearful. Or is it because of the world is changing or is it because of the many problems that I encountered at work? Hmm...

The Imperfections of Tabung Haji Complex

White or gray?

Water running forever.

Stained ceiling.

Dirty carpets.

Stained towels.