Let The Earth Stand Still For Awhile

We are walking too fast that some times we miss out something precious and meaningful. When we keep missing things that are meaningful, the further we walk, the more tired we feel. The more tired we are the more demotivated we are.

It's the time of the year. It's time to reflect on the journey of 2008. It's time to stop and think instead of keep walking. Let the earth stand still for a moment.

I'm too far...

Love from a Special One

I feel very cool because Wan keen has never ever drawn an angry face on me. Well, I guess partly is because she doesn't like it when I'm angry. Very often, I open my arms to hug her when she cries. She will also look forward to hug me when she is sad.

Can you see the opened arms in the picture? This is exactly what happen almost every time she's being scolded except for that few days. She was scolded by me and I did not bother to hug her after that.

I remember there was one day, I went out from early in the morning until 8pm. Her tuition was until 7.30pm. When she got home, she kept asking my mum where did I go. She was looking for me. At times she will cry if I go outstation without informing her earlier.

There's another time, I went Penang for a course. I told her I'll be staying in a flat and she will stay at home with dad and mum. She refused to accept the fact. It took me some time to convince her. And I gotta assure her that I'll go home after I've finish the course. Hmm...It's good to know that she will miss me and that she loves me. I'll never forget that she was the bridge between me and God. And because of her, me, Wan Sian and my mum invited Christ into our lives. That's why, people always remind each other that God put somebody in our lives for a reason. A reason to be discovered. So keep discovering with patience, kindness and gratefulness.

Sorry "er jie"

Yeah, obviously this was drawn by wan keen. If you can see the words below, it says,"sorry, er jie." The girl with polka dot skirt is Wan Keen and the one in blue is me. Haha...

Why she drew this? Well, I think it's because I scolded her one day. For what reason, I forgot. She was so upset that she drew this. But she did not show me. Hmm...I laughed like mad when my mum showed me this picture.

This picture also reminded me that I have not been patient lately. I've been very moody and and irritable. I think my moodiness is due to work and also some other thing. Hmm... I was having great stress from work. Again, I was like walking on the glass. I'm very afraid and do not know when that person will lie to me again. I've not been relying on God.

Hmm... Now that I'm on leave until next year, I wanna enjoy my holidays to the fullest and hopefully it'll be enough for me to kick start the brand new year of 2009.

I must talk to Wan Keen tomorrow so that she will not feel tense. hmm...

Turned Turtle

Yesterday, I went lunch with 2 of my other colleagues. My colleague was driving and I was sitting next to her. The other colleague was sitting at the back. We were chatting happily. Suddenly, I AIYO very loudly that I scared them both. I saw a car turned turtle. At first I was thinking why were the wheels of this car faccing the sky. I was a bit slow in figuring it out. When I realised it I just AIYO and directed their attention to that car. They scolded me for scarring them. One of them thought our car hit the front car. Haha...

It was still red light. Yeah, we were at the traffic light. So we were still observing the car. The driver was no more there. We only saw one side of the slippers and there was nobody near the car. But there were a few guys standing under the tree, talking about how the car turned turtle. I doubt that they were related to this accident.

We were still at the traffic light. We were also trying to think how the car turned turtle and we were wondering where was the driver. There wasn't police nor ambulance. So we were really curious, me especially. I became one of the Super8 club member. Haha...

This accident happened near Hospital Fatimah, after the traffic light from Fatimah. This accident stimulated my boring day. Hahaha...

Bolt

Yes, we watched BOLT last night. Yeah, I was kinda touched because Rhino the hamster is so encouraging, Mitten the cat helps BOLT to realise that what he has been doing/ experiencing are not real. Bolt being a dog is loyal and risks his life to save Penny the girl, his person according to Bolt.

Bolt used to think that he has super power. He is lost one day and he tries to use his super power and etc in real life. When he finally meets Mitten the cat, he realises that he doesn't have any power, he thinks that he's useless. But Rhino the hamster encourages him because their enemy, Mitten the cat, is caught. So they have to save her in order to complete their mission which is to find the green-eyed man.

After Rhino's encouragement, he makes up his mind to save Mitten. When they are there, they use strategy to save Mitten. They are noticed by the guard and the one who hit the guard is actually Rhino the hamster. This scene really inspired me. Some times, those who think highly of themselves like Bolt, are not able to do anything great. However, those with positive attitude and humble, can some times do great things.

There's another scene. Bolt used to think that he has Super Bark. His so called gift is not able to use appropriately until the day when he saves Penny with his Super Bark. This comforted me too. God gives each of us gifts. Some times we wonder if God really give us any gifts. Some times, we feel small too because we are not able to perform accordingly. That scene reminded me of God's timing. God will surely make use of our talents, our gifts and every part of us in HIS TIME. IN HIS TIME, He will make all things beautiful. We just need to be patient and humble so that we will be able to discern when God wants us to use our talents. Like Bolt, he is able to discern and he makes use of his bark at the right place and at the right time. He saves the girl!!!

In HIS TIME...

Being Autistic?

I find myself being Autistic when I eat out...

Food that I will never fail to order at hawker centers:
1. Laksa
2. Tomyam
3. Porridge
4. Drunken Chicken Noodles

Drinks that I will never fail to order at hawker centers:
1. 100 plus
2. Lime Juice with asam
3. Umbra Juice
4. Coconut Juice
5. Milo hot/ cold

Food that I'll never fail to order at Old Town Kopitiam:
1. Laksa
2. Tomyam
3. Nissin noodles

Drinks that I'll never fail to order at Old Town Kopitiam:
1. Honey Lemon Juice
2. Blackcurrant Ice Blended
3. Hot Chocolate

Food that I'll never fail to order at other cafes:
1. Tomyam
2. Laksa
3. Nissin Noodles

Drinks that I'll never fail to order at other cafes:
1. Iced Lemon Tea
2. Lemonade
3. Banana Juice/ Ice blended
4. Chocolate Banana
5. Hot Milk
6. Hot Chocolate


Do I really like lemon so much or sour food so much that I always order such food and drinks? Frankly, I can't answer. If you say I'm not adventurous in food, you are wrong. I'm adventurous in food. Haha... Maybe when comes to these places, there aren't any new kinda food. I really find myself being so Autistic when I eat out. How about you? Do you order almost the same thing when you eat out? Haha... I wonder how many people do! Haha...

Forgive...Press On!

I'm in a mess because I've not forgiven some body. I really need to forgive this person who annoys me so much who hurt me so much who refuses to give me chance to talk who always protects self who always gives excuses when makes mistakes who tries to manipulate people who puts people into difficult situation who is inconsiderate who blames everyone else besides self and ...

Sigh... I felt sorry to find so many faults in this person. I am not as good too. I will not forget what this person had done as what had happened alarmed me to be careful. I can't put my trust yet I can't live my life like that, i think. I do not know what to do with this person and I do not wanna hear anything from this person and I just do not know when is it real and when is it not. I'm in such a difficult position. I'm really cold and I know this person feels my coldness. It is no point to clear whatever that had happened because this person will not admit, all I can get will be excuses that tries to hide the truth. What is the truth? Frankly, nobody knows. I guess this person doesn't know the truth either because there were too many lies that may have confused him/herself too.

Sigh... I tried to be nice. However, my effort slipped when I received excuses and when I wasn't given a chance to talk. It became a mess when I tried to find a way out. I wanted to teach, I wanted to help but to this person all those were pointing out mistakes. Even if those were mistakes, learn la. The sky won't fall when mistakes happen. The more defense, the more I feel tedious.

Some body told me that some times some people are put into our life for a reason, reason that we do not know. I was thinking, yeah, I really do not know the reason, I can only depend on God's wisdom. Maybe this person is here to show how ugly my character is; to show how much more i need to learn to forgive and to be patient. Sigh... PRESS ON!!!

Transformed

If I'm not mistaken, it was last Friday. I played badminton with a bunch of unknown people. Well, not totally. At least I know one of them before I went. I was quite afraid to go as I did not know my friend's friends. Though, I went.

I went there and I sat at a corner. I did not initiate any talk or introduction with anybody. Even my friend also did not introduce me to his friends. To him, all of us are young people so we can settle it ourselves. I sat at a corner not long, then two gals walked towards my direction. One of them looked familiar. I couldn't really recall her name. She was shocked to see me there too.

We could recognise each other. We learned Taekwando together and she was from MGS. I found it hard to recall things that we'd gone through together. I remember we had much fun last time but I just couldn't recall how. We started to talk and then she and her friend went to play. So, I sat there and waited as we only rented one court. Hmm... That day I was quite tired and sleepy. I think it was because I had not recovered from the trip as well as all the cleaning work at work.

After around 10 minutes or less. She invited me to play together. We played. She saw me so quiet then she asked me why I became so shy. According to her, I used to be very brave and initiated chat with people quite often. We knew each other when I was Form 5 and she was Form 4. I asked her more about me and I am so different now. I'm very afraid of people now and I am not that brave anymore.

What have made me change? I really wonder why I became so fearful. Or is it because of the world is changing or is it because of the many problems that I encountered at work? Hmm...

The Imperfections of Tabung Haji Complex

White or gray?

Water running forever.

Stained ceiling.

Dirty carpets.

Stained towels.

Sabah...# 1

This is a path for people to walk, jog and chat. (At least I saw people doing that.)

This is the harbour.

The path to the beach.

The Sutera Harbour beach.

The performance at the lobby of the Melligan Sutera.

Golf view from our room.

Our beds. The one of the left is mine. How come her bed was full of things? I did not noticed till now.

The view from my bed. It had been raining.


The view from my colleague's bed.

The Karambunai beach This is the center of the beach. There were a few kids playing there.

This is the right side of the beach.

The view from the sea.

This is the right side of the beach. Beautiful!

This is my shadow. The beach is so smooth.

The way to the beach.

While we were waiting for our bus at LCCT.

The Hectics

Here goes my story of my Sabah trip...

I left Ipoh on Thursday at 8 a. m. We took a bus down to the LCCT and checked in at 12. 15 p. m. Then we went for our lunch. The food at the Food Garden located at LCCT sucked. I ordered Tom Yam noodles and my colleagues ordered one seafood soup noodles and one Nyonya soup noodles. The difference between their noodles was one with chopped chili and one without it. My colleague was so unhappy about it. She ordered another chicken rice which tasted bad too. We were too hungry that we ate all that we ordered.



After lunch we went on board. It took us 21/2 hours to reach Sabah, most people know about it. Well, the flight was smooth and we reached there safely. We reached the airport around 6 p. m. We took a cab to the place that we were supposed to stay called Kompleks Tabung Haji. Our room were at level 2 and the room number is 215. I remember it very well because that was the worse room that I had ever stayed before. The interior orang asli place is better than that room!



Once we got into the room, my colleagues started to cough and the other started to sneeze. I was fine because I do not have that kind of allergy. Hmm... The room smelled a kind, paint smell maybe. Once we got in we heard water running, so one of them checked out the wash room. The toilet was spoilt, the water kept running. Then slowly we checked out the other things like the cupboard, it was dusty; the towels got stain on it and the curtain was dusty too. The room cost about rm180.

These were still small matter. The most terrible thing was the noise from no where. It seemed from the floor above and it seemed not. There was some shifting furniture sound in the room once we were in the room. The sound never stopped even after I called to complain. After dinner we showered and were ready to sleep, the sound was still there. I took sleeping pill because I knew for sure that I would not be able to sleep. I thought my colleague was asleep but in fact she couldn't sleep the whole night. I slept and I was up on and off though.

My colleague complained that the sound got louder around 1 a. m. plus until 5 a.m plus only became softer. I was up around 6. 30 a. m. She said she was sure that that room was not "clean", in fact I already thought of that when I was getting ready to sleep. I felt creepy too. I experienced it before and I dared not tell my colleague because it was her first trip to conference. I kept to myself and I hinted Kok Ming about the room problem. He comforted me by saying maybe there were people working up there or shifting things. I got sms from Vincent too and he gave me a verse which I had forgotten what. I was comforted and I had peace knowing that they will pray for us. I requested them to pray that we can change room or even hotel. I prayed too that God will give me peace and God reminded me of the incident when I was in Penang. I thought of what Uncle Jimmy told before too that I can't do anything to chase them off as the room is not mine. Slowly I slept.

Friday was the first day of our conference and I thank God that I slept quite well. At least I was able to get a better quality rest after all the rush from place to place. The conference was held at The Pacific Sutera Harbour. It's around 10 minutes drive from Kompleks Tabung Haji. So during lunch hour, I went to the lobby to check if there were people checking out so that we could get two rooms there. Guess what, there was a bus of people checking out. Quickly, I went to see my colleague and I told her about it. Then she went with me to check. After taking a long time, there were 2 rooms available. I was joyous. So after all the procedures were done, we took a cab back to the complex, we packed and then checked out. It took us about 20 minutes to finish all those. It was so rush and once we were back, the conference just started. The timing was so good.

Yeah, finally we got a better conditioned room and a more peaceful room. The room was so quiet and everything was so nice and comfortable. My roommate was the most joyous one I guess. She was able to sleep or at least got some peaceful rest on Friday. Hehe... Though, I still took sleeping pill because I did not want to waste my energy on sleepless nights. I was there to learn not to feel tired. At night, we had a dinner. There were very interesting performances, the food wasn't good but acceptable. It was held at Meligan Sutera. Oh well, one day gone.

The second day of conference was the most terrible day for most of us. There were lousy speakers. Sigh... we seemed wasted the time there that day. The workshops ended at 5p. m. We decided to go to the Filipino market and dinner out. Nothing much there. The most interesting things that I saw were those music instruments. It's hard to look for souvenirs to me. I just found it hard to and I did not really have the mood and energy to shop for things, after all, I was there to work not to tour.

Our flight changed time to 3. 45 p.m. Sigh... It was supposed to be at 8 a. m. Our bus was supposed to be 4. 10 p. m. But because of the flight, we were force to take the 8 p.m. bus. However, I should thank God for this delayed as I got to have an adventure with my friend, Ennie. She attended the conference too. She is a speech pathologist. In the morning, it was Sunday morning, she called to inform me that she would be going to a each called Karambunai. She said her friend would drop a car for her to drive there. She asked if I'm interested. Whereas, my colleagues would be going to another market. I was kind of lazy to go there.

I went to the beach with Ennie. Her friend brought us to a coffee shop to enjoy some famous noodles which are different from the Peninsula. We had some seafood noodles and it tasted OK to me only. But the soup was very sweet and the seafood was very fresh. Well, I'm not a fish and prawn person. Hehe... We started our journey to the beach at 10 a. m.. Ennie already knew part of the way to the beach so we followed the info that she got from her friend. Some how we got lost, so I went down to ask for direction. The first direction given wasn't clear, then we asked for another one from a petrol station. His direction was right. We were so happy. By the time we reached Karambunai is already near 12p.m. Phew! We were supposed to check out the hotel at 12.30 p. m.

Though we reached the resort, we went to the wrong place. We went to the Lagoon side which there are water sports. Then we drove back out and went to the golf side, then only we found the beach. Phew, we quickly snapped some pictures of the beach and then left. We spent about 10 minutes at the beach only. It's really a very beautiful beach.

We rushed back to the hotel, packed and then checked out. I managed to take a shower before I left the hotel too. Haha... My colleague gave me a "tak tahan" look. So rush still shower. Haha... We checked out and we visited a special school called Sri Mengasih. I heard of this school since 2 years ago. Then we went to the airport, had our lunch and then boarded.

When we reached LCCT was already 6p.m., we were not able to catch the 6p.m. bus, so we had out dinner at McDonald. I ordered Mcflurry only because I was still full. After placing my order, that cashier asked me to get from the ice cream counter with my receipt. So I went. I gave the guy my receipt and I told him that I want Mudpie. He asked me what was that and he even asked me how to make it. I was like, Huh? How I know how to make? I felt very ticklish but I did not laugh. That guy called his supervisor and she taught him. I went back to my seat and I laughed while telling them what had happened. They laughed too. He was new I bet.

Finally, we were on board again at 8p.m. The bus stopped at KLIA and we started journey back at 8.30p.m. I slept almost all the way. No quality rest as I was using drug to control myself. Sleeping on board was even more tiring. We reached Ipoh at midnight. Once reached home I slept without drugs. The next day needed to work. Sigh... I nearly couldn't wake up. I felt so tired. We gotta go back to continue the cleaning work. Whole Monday, my colleague and I felt so dizzy and we kept looking at the time.

At night still gotta go for that finale. I really couldn't make it. When work dismissed, I went to my car and I opened the door with my key. You know what happened? When I was in the car, I was looking up and down for my key. I stopped my colleague from locking the gate as I might have left it in the office. I was thinking how did I opened the car door. After looking into my bag then my car door. Oh man! I hung my keys there. My colleagues laughed like mad. So I decided not to go for that dinner. I did not have energy. I was exhausted and I slept at 9 p.m. that night. The next day I had fever until now. Sigh... Some more being misunderstood that I did not turn up was because of Kok Ming could not make it. Sad me. haha

I disappeared for a week. I did not get to meet some of the familiar faces this week and I am still very tired and not well after coming back to Ipoh. Maybe it is because of the rush and hectic days in Sabah with less water intake and poor quality rest.

It wasn't a fruitful trip I would say. Let me line the story when I get back the energy and inspiration soon, I hope.

Bind us together Lord

Fianlly, 16th Nov 2008 came, it's Sunday Scool closing! The silent stress in me is finally ended. I did not really pay much attention to this perfomance this year, probably it was because of the previous experiences, I know that God will take good care of it.

I appeared fine when I was in church and before I reached church. I still played with the children and I started to get them ready. When the time was getting near, I felt that my nervous system went wrong. My hands started shaking and I kept asking myself why do we need to perform. Well, it did no harm to the children. In fact, they are so blessed to have such opportunity to perform and to learn to work in a team. I dod not brief them and I did not think of how they supposed to go up to the stage until the very last minute. Phew! I took God for granted!

Whatever was peroformed through the children was my expression to God, my desire to have unity. Hoping that non- Christians will hear the message of God, that one day they will come to know the Lord. No matter who we are, no matter how high or how low is our status in the society, God wants us to return to him and be united. God will never ever reject us.

Wan Keen is one of the good examples, God enabled her to complete the performance. God wants to show everyone that He can perform miracles even today! And Wan Keen was not nervous like us, she was cool and she anticipated this day to come. She rejoiced because she was accepted and she was allowed to perform for the Lord like anyone else!

Indeed Holy is the Lord, let's us not divide ourselves but to be united. Let us practice forgiveness and let us not underestimate God's power.

Bind us together Lord, bind us together with cords that cannot be broken, bind us together Lord, bind us together, bind us together with love. Amen.

I Need It

One more day to go then I will have peaceful months because I do not have to meet too many people. I'm feeling very tired of seeing the same old faces. I really need a break from them. Phew! Just one more day, even though I'm gonna be very busy for the next 2 months, I guess I'll enjoy it very much. I really will enjoy it very much.

Hmm... I'll be leaving for Sabah soon. I'm anticipating to absorb new knowledge from people from other places to refresh myself. I'm feeling dry lately. No input and do not feel like inserting anything into my mind. Sigh... It's gonna end soon though. I'm really looking forward to this break from the students and the parents. Oh God, please move the time faster. I need a break.

ABCdefgh.....

Oh man! It's the right time to go on MC. I'm really sick. I felt much better today just lost my voice and my limbs are weak. Sigh...

Yesterday, A started to talk about B. A said B called her and talked bad about many people. One of them was me. A said that she doesn't know how to handle this person. I was a bit mad because I got to know that B intended to dig things from people. Well, that was the impression I got because A painted it to be like that. I got that person's missed calls during noon time as well as evening time. Some how I did not get to answer B's call.

So I smsed my superior and told her that this person had been calling people around and I asked why she called me. Then my superior also felt suspicious but I did ask her not to question her first. Just in case A lied to me I said. So she asked me to call her back and see what B wants. So I called back and she just concerned about me because on Wednesday I was really sick. She intended to replace me if I can't work.

So I told my superior about her intention of calling. Many times I dared not go on MC partly because I can't let go of my work and also because I'm very afraid that after I go back, there will be problems that I need to solve and that will drain me a lot. But last night, I'd decided to rest so here I am blogging. My superior called me just now because some how she got a chance to talk to B. She found out that A did not tell me the truth. A was the one who bad mouthed people around and A was the one who called people. I was like, crap, I was the one who fell into her trap and B was the victim.

Oh goodness! A really couldn't see herself. She really thought that she was not at fault at all. Some more she twisted and repainted the real picture. She told a lot things to B which were not true. I wonder if she did same to the parents. All of us are evils but she is the angel. She even discouraged B to accept Christ but told me that her husband objected. In fact that was the wrong fact. B told us that her husband supported her and he's interested to accept Christ too.
She was the one who was discouraging people to do that. Luckily I told B not to look at human to accept Christ.

I thank God for revealing the truth that we are save from the devil which was trying to break us! God will surely take care of His work. He who started it will complete it.

KL Drift

Lately a friend introduced a movie to me entitled Evolusi KL Drift. Well, I'm interested because of all the drifts. I think my friend too. Yeah, it's a Malay movie which I seldom watch any. Hindu movie could be more than that. Hehe

There's this guy in the movie who offends the gangster and they ended up having a race together. All this happen because of that guy's girl friend. He doesn't believe that his girl friend has changed. His friends around him advise him not to race with he gangster but he refuses to listen. He has his best friend to "pujuk" his girl friend for her. But his friend actually already fall in love for her. But his friend does not take any action to go after the girl but keeps helping them.

He doesn't believe his friend that he disowns his best friend. He wins the race but the gangster is not happy about the result so they kill one of his friends at the car workshop. Every one is sad over that incident but he still doesn't know his problem, he wants to look for the gangster to fight with him. He goes to the disco and finds the gangster there. They dragged him to the backstreet and wants to kill him. Fortunately, his best friend knows about it and rescues him.

Still, he doesn't accept him even after his best friend has saved his life. His best friend doesn't give up. The next day, the girl calls his best friend out. He actually refuses to meet her. But she insists. And when he sees her, he makes things clear to her that he doesn't want to get himself involved in their problems anymore. He even asks her not to call him anymore. Meanwhile, his friend sees them together and he gets angry. He beats his best friend up and he pulls the girl aside and talk. The gangster is drifting his way to their direction intends to kill the guy. His best friend notices that, quickly he pushes them aside and he himself being knocked down by the car. He is sent to the hospital and all his other friends scolds him.

The moral of the story is:
EGO can kill relationships and EGO can kill our beloved ones.
Insecurity can also kill relationships.

Who are we to control other's lives even our spouses lives. Who are we? Even God doesn't force us to obey, He gives us choices, He wants us to obey out of love. He says that He is our friend. Do we respond to a friend not out of love? Do we call somebody friend when we dislike that person at all?

"It is not a question of how much we know, how clever we are, nor even how good; it all depends on the heart's love. External actions are the results of love, the fruits it bears; but the source, the root, is in deep of the heart." -Francois Fenelon

Confirmed!

Another sad thing happened today. I received a phone call from my cousin. Her son was suspected to have mild Autism. I did not know how to comfort her. I just answered the questions that she asked. I told her the procedures etc then talked to my superior. Sigh... This time really confirmed that it's in the gene.

I'm quite upset because I do not think that I'll be brave enough to have my own children, which I hope to have. I also feel that I should not get married when I can't have children or I'll involve my future husband to the stream of sadness. Sigh...

Oh God, when are these going to stop? What do you want from me? I'm really tired to be sad. I'm tired to face all these again and again! I'm exhausted!

Trying to Identify

I felt like crying since last night. I did not know why. Even today I also have the same feeling. I was trying to identify my feelings. Sorry to those whom I showed my mood to especially you, darling. Sigh... I did not mean it. I know something went wrong in me which I tried to ignore and tried to be optimistic. That is really not me. Some how, crying helped.

Lately, my workplace came an aunt who is attached to our center sent by Dr. Shanmugam from Hospital Fatimah. Last two days, she was assigned to help in the branch which is where I'm working now. She always praises me to be capable to keep the center in order, to keep the programme running and so on. She said I'm pretty and young looking. In short, she praised me a lot. She is 41 years old.

We chatted quite a lot of general things. I think maybe she received stress from people from the HQ. Some people there were gossipping about other people in the center. She couldn't take it that's why she indirectly told me about it. When I heard her saying that she will not let her ears lead her or influence her, I already knew what was she trying to say. But i did not make any comment.

During lunch time, again she made the same comment and I guess she found me trustworthy or she felt comfortable talking to me about that issue. She indirectly talked more about it. Sigh... So I told her not to calculate with sick people. That colleague is having depression and another one is... I do not know how to describe also. Sigh... She also knew that she has depression. So we both agreed not to calculate. Another colleague told her about another colleague as well. And they both talked about me too. They said my "boss'' favour me more and etc. The first day she came that colleague already gossips about others. Sigh... They also bad mouth my "boss". Sigh...

I think this the thing that is bothering me now. I feel very disappointed. They are not kids, they are adults. How can they do that? How can they mislead people? I'm very upset to have such colleagues. Sigh... I'm not bothered by what they talked about me but I'm upset because of their intention to hurt me. Sigh... Why do I still work there after so much stress and tedious issues? I did think of leaving since last year. But there is no other opening that convinces me to do that. Money factor? No, I'm not earning much from this job too. Just that I enjoy it minus all those jealousy and gossips. Haiz... Tired!

Another thing that just happened was I scolded a friend. My restlessness plus heard a lot of stuff that this person commented on other people. I misunderstood (maybe) that this person did the same again. I apologised after I got home. Hope that person already forgive me. I really hate myself for being such a harsh person. Sigh... I feel like dying! What am I here for?

I'm just a hookworm, ain't I?

Study Again Soon?

I've been thinking of going back to study soon. I really hope I'll be able to do it. I hope I'll be able to cope with work and studies. I also hope that God will provide me with financial needs and wisdom and course mates that are helpful and encouraging.

My case is a bit different from my friends. I did not go into Form 6 in order to get myself into local universities. Instead, I chose a tough road which I realised it only now. I was too naive then that I did not know how to plan for my future. While I was waiting for my SPM result, I found a job at New Horizons Society which serves Special Children from age 0 to 6 years old. Before that I was actually looking for a job which is similar to NH work, it was also about children. However, during school holidays, no kindergartens are opened. So I cancelled the plan. My mum encouraged to try our New Horizons which Wan Keen was attending then. So, after the interview, I started my work. But during those time, I was having a lot of trips and other gatherings with friends. So I took a lot of leaves. Hehe...

After I got my result, I discussed with my "boss", I couldn't remember our conversation, and how she introduced an Early Childhood Education course to me. It was a Diploma course and yes, I took it up. The center sponsored me and my mum did not need to spend a single penny on me since then. I wasn't a Christian then. But it is a Christian Organisation. Weird enough, the committees were willing to send me :) My course started in May that year if I'm not mistaken. I was converted in July and I started my relationship with Kok Ming in August. My life suddenly changed. It was during that time I learned a lot of things. A lot of problems came to my life that changed me.

I worked and studied for 2 years and then I went to Singapore to attend a WeCan Conference and visited a few organisations in Singapore. I'm not sure but maybe I stopped studying for a year and I continued another course at USM Penang. I enjoyed the course very much as I love Penang and I had a few non- Chinese buddies there. I stopped another year then only attended the second level of the Special Education course. Again I enjoyed myself there and I had a few non- Chinese buddies again.

Until now I stopped studying for 2 years already. I cannot apply for local universities as I did not sit for STPM. The USM course was supposed to be a bridge for me to get into it. Now I heard that they do not have Special Education there anymore. There goes my USM. Early of this year, I had been looking for open "doors" or "windows". I've not stopped praying about it as well. Some how, I found a place which would accept me, that is OUM (Open University Malaysia). I went to the Edu Fair with my sis and took the information that I need. I started to read their website. I do not want to get any diplomas, I wanna go straight to a degree course but some how, the course that I took last time is not recognised by MCQ, formerly known as LAN. I got worried and bugged Kok Ming to go to their center with me.

I recognised it as God answered prayer because He give a way out for me in order to study Special Education. I doubted because my certificates are not recognised by MCQ. Sigh... Finally we went to confirm about it and the officer said I just need a recommendation from my "boss" and my SPM. I really hope that this is from God but not my own because I want it. If it's from God, I do not have to be afraid of anything. He will surely lay my path straight. Hmm... If it's from myself, I'll strive hard!

I need 5 years to complete, then only can get what I wanted. By then, I'm not sure I'll have the energy to study. It's tough really! But the good thing is, I've a God to depend to.

1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.

BBQ Fun

Wow, I just came back from a BBQ fun. I had bad days from Monday to Wednesday. Some people around me were comforting me by saying I'll have a fun day tonight so press on. However, I told them I may not have the mood to BBQ. I shared my problems with a friend and she said she'll pray for me.

On Tuesday I was having a heavy load of work. On Wednesday, it was a boring day. I shared it or updated my friend on Tuesday or Wednesday, I forgot. She prayed for me after hearing my sharing. On Thursday, God sent an "angel" to help in the center so that we would not be too busy and tired. Thursday and Friday were lighter and happier and true enough, I looked forward for the BBQ night and I enjoyed it.

I still remember, when my spirit is low, I have the desire to go steamboat and/ or BBQ. After that I'll become happier. Maybe this activity is relaxing and I'll have lots of good food that I can enjoy, so I kinda let off all the frustration and unhappiness during that time. Always feel happier after doing these activities.

Thanks for organising it and thanks for praying Wan Li! I appreciated it very much!

Very Random

TL: Hey, free to go yum cha tomorrow night?
WW: Who will be going?
TL: Same old people la.
WW: Where?
TL: You have any suggestion?
WW: Erm...
TL: Old Town Kopitiam?
WW: Again?!!!
TL: If not?
WW: I also don't know. Okla, Old Town! It's no choice's choice!

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Yeah, Old Town Kopitiam had been our hang out place. If we do not want to go expensive places or places without air- conditioner, this is the best choice after all. At least we know that what can we order and what are the things that are nice to drink and eat!

Haha... And the problem is we won't feel fed up even as we met so many times there. I've another upcoming meeting with primary school friends. If they ask me where to meet, I'll suggest the same place also. Hehe... Unless they have a better suggestion.

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It's has been a hectic week for me. I've been covering the work for my colleagues for almost 3 weeks in a row. I'm really feeling very tired. I do not feel like going to work but I've no choice and I can't lie to be sick and get MC from Kok Ming. I really can't do that. I can only pray for strength from the Lord and I forsee hectic months ahead! When are these going to end?

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My geese are growing very fast. They are very "ganas". If you tap on their heads, they will chase you. When they chase me, even thought they they as small as my feet, I screamed like mad. Haha... I think I'm very afraid of their beaks and their legs. I'll never touch those parts. I can't imagine when they grow to be mature geese. Where would I stand then? It's my house Ok? But they would overtake my place at home! I'll fear them instead of they fear me. Sigh...

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It's a boring day. But still praise God for a safe and peaceful day!

Talking about goose...

Talking about goose. Today a bunch of us went to Shakey's Pizza. We were not satisfied with the food at Shakey's and the service as well so we went to Ding Hao right after that. We were discussing about some problems. As usual I sat there listening and observing. There's this person that we know, who is very good at shooting people with words. I think none of us can beat this person and I definitely can't. So a goose popped up to my mind.

But some times when we were not in the mood and when we have to distribute work to others and when they are late to finish the task given, we will nag them and push them like a goose. I really feel that some times our attitude can be like a goose. Then my imagination went wild, my mum and dad also behave like a goose. They ask me to drink this and that, they ask me not to do this and that. I'm also a goose, I keep ordering Wan Keen to do this and that and not to do this and that. Some times to my colleagues as well. Hahaha...

"Quack, quack, quack!" Are you a goose too?

Sob Sob

Guess what are these? Hahaha... You may say they are

ducklings. No, you are wrong! They are baby geese. Yeah,

my mum bought 2 baby geese for Rm 100. Expensive yes. It's very hard to find do you know that? They spent for about a month to get these 2 funny thing.

Any animals that stand on two legs are threatening to me! When my mum got them back home. I screamed like h***. I'm really very scared of them though they are still so small. Sigh... My future will be very tough at home with these two ugly thing at home.

Sigh... What to do, there have been a lot of snakes around my home. So we can only "bela" these funny thing to prevent snake and to catch snake. Sigh... I DON"T WANNA GO HOME!!!

After the KL trip, I find myself getting closer with my old friends though each of us may not agree to each others' thoughts and attitudes toward lives. Well, that doesn't matter at all. One thing that I find we missed is the quiet understanding in terms of our belief. What I mean is, when we face prablem, we can only listen to each other, of course, I can pray for them if I know of any complication, but they can't pray for me. I find it hard to use this phrase also because I'm afraid I may offend them though I still pray for them when i get to know of their problems.

If only we share the same God, having the same mission and vision. We will be able to make a difference in our relatiohship as well as in our lives. Is that gonna happen?

Congratulations!

Wan Keen and Earnie Poh. Both are Autistic and both are the cutest! They are very innocent and sincere. Hahaha... We as in wan sian, Jervin and I played with Earnie at the River Adventure that day. We were on the float. At first we floated along together but in a while, we were separated with a gap. Then I pretended to cry for help from Earnie. He intended to help us but he couldn't. Then he asked Jervin to help. He kept stretching his hand to reach us. He is just too cute!

Look at them.

Fake smiles!

Wan Keen and Jacob. Jacob is another Autistic. He is a Swedish.

The day when she got her prize. She was the lime light that day. According to my mum, Wan Keen was so touched that she nearly cried.

The lady on the left is Ms Sim. She is a very supportive officer.

Look at her smile. So fake or was she playful? Haha...

This is so nice! They are really mother and daughter.

Art Lesson

Wan keen's first drawing lesson. Teacher is scolding a boy who "mencontengkan" the wall.

Second lesson- Senaman

3rd lesson- Dream... Notice the blue colour area, there'a a boy sleeping there.

4th lesson- washing up in front of the mirror.

5th lesson- Little Mermaid. She loves this very much!

A Grumpy Monday

It was a grumpy Monday! Wan Wai woke from the wrong side of her bed!

There was an agel whispering to her, controlling her from being irritable and annoyable.

However, there was a devil whispering and encouraging her to be annoyable and irriable. she'd had enough from them!!!

Arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After the scream, she felf much better! That's her Monday.

Thank God it was a peaceful one!!!

My KL Trip

I finally came back from KL. I went there for my secondary school friend’s wedding. I went down with 2 other friends by bus. So we went straight from work. I left earlier from my work so that I got to bath before the journey. I got to rest for half an hour too. I was quite lost and reluctant to go because I did not know what to expect. Almost all of us did not know the many of the details. We are supposed to torture the bridegroom. So 3 of us discussed a bit on the bus.

When we were on our way, we discovered some problems. We found out that we need to be at Times Square by 7.30am. and we planned to stay at another friend’s house which is located at Sri Petaling. 3 of us thought that we couldn’t make it that early so we rented a room at Berjaya Times Square.

When we got into our room, my friends started to enjoy their KFC. I did not get anything to eat because by the time we reach there, it was already near 10pm. KFC was closing. A lot of food also sold out. I was very lost when I reached our room. I did not know what to do. I walked in and out. I kept asking my friends what to do. My friends entertained me because they did not know that I’ve this problem. Once I’m lost, I do not kno what to do first. I felt funny because I seemed helpless and they tried to help me. Then I kept laughing. Yeah, *crazy* I know.

Also because we were supposed to celebrate another friend’s birthday, but because of our late arrival, we couldn’t get any cake. Secret Recipe was closed, most of the shops there were closed, even the Hotel’s café also closed. There were a lot of changes made and we have to come to a few last minute decision.

At around 11.30pm, we went to our friend's room to watch all the traditional procedures that need to be done on my friend that night. We took some pictures with her too. And we had fun there. After that we went back to room and washed up. There were 5 of us in the room that night we shared the same bed. We chatted until 3am plus then only sleep. We talked about our relationships with our partners, and our experiences. Some of us have relationship problem and wrong attitude towards relationships. Well, different people sure handle relationship differently and view it differently as well. I am not suppose to comment on them, I can only pray for them.



Hmm... On that day, we woke up very early, some of us started preparing for the things that will be served to the groom and some of us were still lazing in the bed, I was one of them :p very tired really!



I was a cool wedding. The luncheon was at the Oriental Pavillion Restaurant at Jaya 33, PJ. We reached around 12.35pm but the lunch started at 1.30pm. I was too hungry that I got gastritis. I did not eat much there because I did not have appetite. Kok Ming arrived earlier than us. Haha... We need to make up that's why late.



KL is a place full of temptation. I'm glad that I'm not working there. Well, I can't deny that God may send me there. Hopefully not. People change when they are there, guess people there are more materialistic? Hmm... I wanna be contented!

Let Your Will Be Done

Oh man! What happened to the network? I couldn't upload Wan Keen's photos on the 26th Sept 2008! Sigh... I shall try again another time!

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Lately, my dad warned my mum for going to church and join the bible study group. He also went to church to check on her that Sunday. Hmm... When I heard about it from my mum, I became fearful and I've been praying for a gentle treatment from God. I'm really fearful and I do not know what to expect.

If my dad finds out that she's already a Christian, he will be mad! I really think that I'm not up to it. But God let me read John 11 today. A question that Jesus posted, it sounds like this: " I am the resurrection and the life, those who believe in me, eventhough they die like everyone else, will live again. They are given eternal life for believing in me and will never perish. Do you believe this?"

This chapter is about Jesus raised Lazarus from death. When Mary and Martha saw Jesus, they said the same thing. They said that if Jesus was with them, Lazarus would not have died. If you read the whole story, in fact Jesus already knew that Lazarus's sickness. He delayed His journey back to see him with a purpose. Jesus wanted to glorify God, because of God's will, He let his beloved friends grieved. That's why Jesus wept when He saw the 2 sisters and other people in sorrow.

Though he delayed His journey, He raised Lazarus from his "sleep". And everyone was happy and joy overflowed them. Same as today, God may delay our prayer no matter how desparate we are. We may need to go through sorrow, His will be done. He will only give the best to us. He will not forsake us when we believe in Him.

I don't really have faith but I choose to believe and know that I may have to go through some tough time with my mum, He will be glorified and my dad will be saved. Hmm... keep praying for us! Thanks!

Dear Anonymous

Oh now i remembered. It's not that number. It's something else. The CIMB one I answered and it was asking me to invest. The KL number I can only remember the back 3 digits, the front I couldn't and I did not get it many days already so my phone memory did not have it. But it's true that it missed call and off many times even before I could answer it. Now it's Ipoh number pulak. I called back many times, nobody answer no matter when I called. I called during office hour, I called after office hour, still the same result. *Shrug*

Who Are You?

I'd been receiving missed calls from a KL number 603-79649600/400/700. Lately, I did not see this number appear. But, I received another missed calls from Perak. The number is 605-2540629.

I feel very strange. These 2 numbers often just missed call me. I usually received it at around 10am to 11am plus minus. Some times I received it in the evening around 4pm plus. The KL number used to call me but when I answered the call, there's no sound. Even when I called back, nobody will answer the call. This is the second time I received the Perak number.

I suspected that the numbers are made from public phones. It's kinda creepy. Previously it was made from KL I still can have peace. But now, the number is from Perak. It's so creepy and scary. What can I do besides ignoring it? Would I encounter any danger? Am I being traced? Should I make a report because I feel disturbed and threatened?

YO!

Oh man, it's been a hectic and tiring week for me. Another colleague of mine fell sick. She did not turn up the whole week, left 2 of us working. I do not understand why we did a lot of walking. Our legs started to feel tired on Thursday. My legs were almost shaking when I stand up even today I still feel very tired.

Sigh... On Friday, I fought with a big size child. He is so heavy and his strength is greater than I. After that fight, my hands started shaking. Oh man! How great it is that the week is over. Hmm... Really thank God that it's another Monday soon. My colleague will be back.

And I got a tough topic to share with the youth. It's really not my passion. I got the book for So long but till this very early morning only I completed it. I just felt that it's tough for me and I thought of giving up. But, I can't let myself submit to temptation. I've no choice but to submit it to God. Thank God for impressing me with a few ideas. Hope they got the message. My job is done! I'm SO relax now!

I do not have much input this whole week. I was quite grumpy because of the busy days and a lot of other planning for next year, both personal and work. Jervin, you still owe me a theme wall idea. I need help. See you tomorrow, so let me know the idea. If can give me a draft of the theme wall, more than one also can. haha...

Kledang

Yesterday, 6 of us went to Bukit Kledang. Supposed to have 7 people but but dropped because he couldn't wake up. My sis and I woke up at 5.30am in the morning to get ready. Well, I know people will say that we are crazy because we woke up to bathe and wash up. Hahaha... Some people would feel that we are wasting water because since we are going to sweat why still bathe? Umm... It's our habit. I'm not sure about my sis. Maybe she is not that particular like me. If I do not bathe, I'll feel very uncomfortable.

We started our way up at around 7.30am. haha... Somebody was late :P We started from the Bald Hill. I never like using the steps to go up because I'll use up my energy very fast. But yesterday I was fine. I was very excited and happy.

This Wan Sian, she was walking backward. Her friends were behind her. Hehe... She has got good stamina and she felt nothing going up hill as she always does in her uni.

Jervin got bored and challenged my sis to run up the hill. There, they were running and laughing and pushing each other and I was laughing behind them. Fei Wong and the other 2 girls were still behind us.
Then they reached a slope and they were interested to know where it leads to.
So they went up there to spy but found nothing.


Here's their silly faces after spying the small hill.

The weather was good that day but it was getting hot and glaring as we start going down the hill.
This was one of the paths that we passed. Without this picture,
I did not know that the path is so narrow.


These are the Elim Chinese youths. Jervin brought the two gals.

This tree let me thought of Joseph's bundle of grains. It was one of his dream. he dreamed that he and his brothers were tying bundles of grains in field. Joseph's bundle stood up and theirs bowed low before it. This made his brothers hated him more .

Where is Fei Wong? Can you see him? Where is he? is he lost or is he coming down?

There he is! Haha... Taking his own sweet time to walk down the hill when everybody else were way down the hill. haha... He said he broke his record. Usually he walked on Tar not the Bald hill. he said he usually walk until the waterfall only. but this time we walked from the Bald hill and with all the steps and yellow soil. Haha... he refused to walk on the steps after we finished the first stage. He said he felt like passing motion. Haha... He brought Vitagen and herbal tea also. I thought he brought 1 bottle but NO, he brought the whole of it, you know the 5 in 1 packing? I was like... AIYO... kinda expression.

There, can you see the Vitagen bottle? My sis took 2 bottles. Look at this picture, guess which pair of legs are Wan Sian's? And which pair is Jervin's? Well, it's quite easy right? Look at how she sits? Jervin always teases her for being rough. When he teased her, she'll start beating him.
I had a great trip though we did nothing much. Hmm... I felt so good after the walk. We also went to the market to eat. Umm... when I reached home that day, it was already 11.20am. Phew, this the longest hill climb I've ever had. Thanks guys for the fun!